


between wanting and needing

by snarkymuch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Consent is Sexy, Dom Steve Rogers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frottage, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insecure Tony Stark, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Praise Kink, Safeword Use, Spanking, Sub Tony Stark, Subdrop, Subspace, Switch Bucky Barnes, They own a hardware Store, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, War Veteran Steve Rogers, because i have no idea where i am going with this, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:36:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 63,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarkymuch/pseuds/snarkymuch
Summary: Obadiah had used Ty to break Tony down, so he could bleed him for his secrets. Being used like that changed Tony, and now he needed to retreat to get himself back together. He wasn't looking for a new dom, let alone two, but he couldn't help but like the two he'd met at the hardware store.Bucky was recovering from his time overseas, where he was taken captive. He started life as a dom, but Hydra broke him down, and now he was a switch. He and Steve weren't looking for a sub, but they liked the one that just moved into town.This is the story of Steve, Bucky, and Tony coming together and working things out.Oh and there's sex ;)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 384
Kudos: 530





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time in a long time posting a story as I write. Lately, I have had them all done first, but I wanted to have a different experience this time, so here it is. Tags will be added, keep an eye on them.
> 
> I don't know how long it will be. I don't even know what will happen outside a loose idea, but I hope you come along for the journey. 
> 
> Updates will be slow. I'm sorry in advance. [Though I could spit out chapters really fast. We'll just have to see what happens]

Tony had always prided himself on not being a slave to his designation. He might have been a sub, but he never let that be his defining feature, though it never stopped him from offering his submission to the right dom. 

It was during his design of the Jericho missile that Obadiah had introduced him to Ty. Tony should have seen it coming, but he trusted Obadiah, so when he said Ty was a good dom, Tony smiled, shook his hand, and offered him a date. 

Things grew intense soon after that. Ty started gaslighting Tony, though he didn’t know it at the time. He’d twist Tony’s words, always making him second guess reality. After a while, he started to doubt everything, including his own worth. He started to think he was needy and clingy like Ty would imply. After scenes, he’d make Tony feel ashamed for wanting aftercare. Instead, making him go it alone, and subsequently causing him to crash in a horrible drop. 

When he thought things couldn’t get worse, Ty started bringing Tony down—usually with a belt—and inviting Obadiah over. Pain brought Tony down fast, but it was a hard and dirty way. If he could choose, he’d pick a softer dom, someone who’d praise him, guiding him down gently. But something Tony realized early in life, you didn’t always get what you want. 

It was after one of the sessions with a belt that Ty first invited Obadiah over to talk. A little shred of Tony knew he should run, but he couldn’t, and that failure made him feel even worse. The older man, a dom himself, would pick Tony’s brain while he floated in subspace. Tony spilled any and all secrets he had, even the passwords to his private servers, a place no one else had access. 

Tony ended up so down, so broken by Ty and Obadiah, that he was a shell of the man he once was. A piece of him knew that he was drowning, but he didn’t know how to reach out for help. Ty had done a good job breaking him down. Tony lived in fear of his next scene. He couldn’t trust himself, let alone anyone else. 

Then Pepper saved him. 

She saw what was happening, and she collected enough proof to involve the FBI. Obadiah and Ty were arrested, and Tony felt more alone than he ever had. As much as he wanted to get away from Ty, he didn’t know how to be apart from him anymore either. 

Pepper, the amazing woman that she was, suggested Tony take some time and lay low, get his head back on straight. He had an old family home in Vermont that belonged to his eccentric uncle. He inherited it years ago and had never done anything with it. She thought he should go for a visit, spend some time repairing the property. The fresh air might do him some good.

So that was what he did. 

He packed a bag and took off in one of his cars for Vermont. He didn’t push himself driving, taking a few days to reach the house. 

When he pulled into the driveway, he let the car roll to stop, ducking his head to look out the windshield at the house. It was two stories with a wraparound porch. Some of the railings were missing or broken, and one of the windows on the second story was missing half the glass. Tony grimaced. This was going to be a lot of work. He’d be lucky if raccoons didn’t move in already. 

Shutting the car off, he grabbed the house keys and climbed out of the car, looking over his shoulder at the overgrown garden bed. A garden gnome that had seen better days smiled back at him. 

Rubbing his hand over his chest, he squared his shoulders and walked toward the house. 

The steps onto the porch creaked, the boards splintered and weathered with age. This might have been an expensive show property once, but it had been years since this house had seen any repairs. 

He opened the screen door and tried the knob. Thankfully it was locked. Small mercies. Hopefully, that meant there weren’t any squatters. 

There was a fine layer of dust on all the surfaces, making his nose itch. He flipped the light switch, and a glow warmed the room. Thankfully, Pepper had thought to call ahead and have the power reconnected.

“Go up to Vermont,” Tony mocked. “It will be good for. Yeah, sure, Pep. This place is a dump.” He scrubbed a hand over his mouth and sighed. “Fine, you can do this. Pep’s right. It’s good to get your hands dirty now and then.”

His little pep talk didn’t do much to brighten his spirits, but he steeled himself, anyway, and started searching through the house for what repairs would need to be handled first, and he wasn’t sleeping here until the window upstairs was fixed, so he needed to hurry to make it to the hardware store before they closed. 

After a sweep of the house, he had his list, which included three rolls of duct tape because, really, duct tape could fix anything if you applied enough, and he headed down the winding dirt road into town. 

The small town didn’t have much to offer outside a gas station, grocery store, diner, and a small hardware store near the lights. It wasn’t much, but Tony kind of found it relaxing, though his nerves were still raw. He’d be happy to never deal with another dom, though he knew he would have to, whether he wanted to or not. Tony didn’t care about his needs. He’d find another way to go down, even if he had to use those self-help tapes, where a dom talked you down. He’d find another way, figure something out just so he didn’t end up with someone like Ty again. 

It wasn’t healthy for anyone to go without having their needs met, though. Ignoring your instincts and desires led to depression and other emotional issues. Tony was taking a big risk not seeing to his needs, but he just couldn’t face another dom, even if his skin itched for contact. It had been so long since anyone had touched him in kindness. Ty had been rough, leaving bruises or ignoring him all together. If anything, Tony was touch starved now. 

To put it simply, he was a mess. 

Parking the car, he got out and went into the store. It was homey if that was a thing a hardware store could be. There was a little fridge to the door's side that had a sign that said Farm Fresh Eggs. A display that advertised local honey was near the register in the center of the store. The whole place had a well-loved and worn feel. Tony felt a little out of place in his designer clothes. 

Walking up the counter, he didn’t see anyone around, then his eyes fell on the bell with a sign that said Ring for Service. Shrugging, he tapped the bell a few times and looked around.

A moment later, two men emerged from the back aisle. They were both wearing gray t-shirts with the store name on them, Barnes Hardware, except the brunet, who had a long sleeve shirt under his tee. He was also wearing leather work gloves. He had to be sweltering in the layers. The late spring weather was hot most days and today was no exception. 

The shorter of the two, the brunet, reached the register first, smiling at Tony, as the other one, the blond, leaned against the counter. He couldn’t be sure without asking, which was rude, but he thought they both might be doms, and that set Tony on edge. Logically, he knew they couldn’t do anything to him. He had his phone, he was safe, but he couldn’t stop the trickle of fear from dripping into his veins. His heart beat a little faster, but he tried to push the emotion aside, plastering on a smile. 

The brunet’s gaze raked over him, and then he said, “What can we help you with today?”

Tony cleared his throat, eyes falling to the name on the shirt. Bucky. Huh? That’s unique. “I have a list.” He pulled it from his pocket, passing it over. “If you can—I mean, if you could help me find that stuff, that’d be great.”

Bucky eyed the list, then nodded. “We should have everything. Are you new in town? This is quite the list.”

Tony glanced at the blond, Steve, according to his shirt, then back to Bucky. “Yeah, um, I just moved up here, not sure how long I’m staying. It’s—I mean, it was my uncle’s place, down at the end of Wayside.”

Steve’s brow came together. “You mean the old Stark place? I didn’t think that place was habitable.”

“Well, it’s seen better days. I didn’t see any raccoons or anything living inside, so there’s that.”

Bucky chuckled. “Come on." He waved for Tony to follow him. "Steve, grab a cart for us.” He looked at Tony, then the list. “Let’s start easy. Duct tape is in aisle one.”

They gathered supplies, talking about the repairs Tony needed to make, and as they talked, Tony found himself lowering his guard. Bucky didn’t set off warning bells for Tony, even if he probably was a dom, and Steve wasn’t anything like Tony had first thought from his stature. He was soft-spoken and didn’t command the space around him like some douchey doms did. He gave Tony his space and let him lead the conversation. It was a nice reminder that not all doms were bad.

Once he was checked out, they helped Tony load the stuff into the car. 

“You know, we live down on Nulty, right before your street. It’s a quick hop over. If you need anything, me and Buck are more than happy to help. We’ve got some experience in renovations. We did our house a few years back.”

Tony hoped he hid his surprise well. They lived together, and from the way they casually touched, it seemed they were together, but they were both definitely doms if Tony’s radar was working. Dom/dom relationships were uncommon, at least without a third included, either a switch or a sub. Tony wondered if they had a sub at home waiting for them, then realized he shouldn’t even be thinking about that right now. He’d just met them, and they were just friendly. It was no reason to go wondering about their personal life.

Tony shut the trunk. He chewed his lip and then nodded. “Thanks, and same for you I guess, you need a cup of sugar or something, you know where I am, though come to think of it, I don’t think I have any sugar.”

Steve smiled, and it made the corners of his eyes crinkle. “Yeah, well, the store’s open until eight. You can still make it with plenty of time.”

“Yeah, I probably should stop for food. I didn’t bring anything. Thanks for all the help, the name’s Tony, by the way. I should have introduced myself earlier.” 

He offered his hand to shake, and Steve took it. His grip was firm but gentle, not squeezing too tightly.

Steve pointed to the name on his shirt. “I’m Steve, and that lug over there”—he nodded to Bucky—“is Bucky. It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Tony dropped his hand and nodded to Bucky. “Well, I’m off. Thanks again for all the help.”

Bucky smiled. “No problem, Tony.”

* * *

Tony applied another strip of duct tape to the window, securing the broken glass. He’d gotten the supplies to repair it, but he didn’t have time tonight, so he covered the window with tape. 

Once he was done, he rocked back and looked at the work. It wouldn’t win any awards, but it would keep the squirrels and other critters out. 

With the window repaired, he went to the car and got his sleeping bag, pillow, and bag. He set up a makeshift campsite inside what was once the dining room. It was the cleanest of the rooms. 

He barely slept that night, and when he did, he dreamt of Ty and woke up crying. 

The next morning, he tested the shower, and he was pleased to find the hot water working. Avoiding touching the yellowed shower curtain, he got under the spray and cleaned himself off. After sleeping on the floor, he felt like he had a layer of dust on him. 

He planned to clean today, haul out some of the old furniture, and maybe hit the web and have a new bed delivered. 

* * *

“Steve, we can’t just go over there for no reason.”

They had been going back and forth about visiting Tony for an hour now. Bucky just wasn’t ready. It wasn’t that he hadn’t liked Tony. He did. It was just that he got nervous around subs, especially good-looking ones like Tony. He wasn’t fooling himself. Subs like Tony were out of his league. Maybe before IED went off and took his arm with it, he’d have had a chance, before he was taken prisoner and tortured, but not now. 

Steve held up the plate of sandwiches. “Food’s a reason last time I checked.”

Bucky cocked his head to the side, lifting his brows. “That’s the best you got?”

Steve shrugged, then returned to his task of covering the plate with plastic wrap. “People got to eat, and he didn’t strike me as the type to ask for help. You saw the list he had. A few extra hands might be good.”

Bucky scowled. “Right, and this has nothing to do with him being drop-dead gorgeous and a sub on top of that.”

Steve rolled his eyes, pushing the plate away. “I know you’re not ready, Buck. I get it. This isn’t about anything other than wanting to help out a neighbor.”

Bucky wet his lips and nodded. “Yeah, all right. Maybe he could use a hand.”

They knocked on Tony’s door, Steve holding the plate of sandwiches, and Bucky chewing his lip. Even though Steve had said it was just helping out a neighbor, Bucky knew that Tony being a sub had something to do with it. 

It was simple biology. Two doms like them needed a sub, but Bucky wasn’t ready for one, though that hadn’t stopped Steve from wanting one. Bucky knew it wasn’t fair to him. He didn’t have the trauma Bucky did. In Steve’s mind, having a sub would help fix what was broken in Bucky, but that wasn’t the way things worked. Bucky didn’t know if he would ever be a real dom again, not after being broken and taken down against his biology. 

Hydra had experimented on him, broken him, and was now closer to a switch than a dom. Subspace didn’t come easily, but sometimes he did crave going down, something that went against his nature. It had bothered Steve at first, but now, when Bucky needed it, he’d help coax him down. 

The door opened, breaking Bucky from his thoughts, revealing Tony, whose hair was sticking up and had dirt smudged on his cheek. He hesitated a beat too long to smile, looking caught in his own head. Bucky wondered what he was thinking.

Tony plastered on a smile that seemed a little too fake and said, “Hey, I didn’t expect to see you again until I needed more duct tape.” Then his eyes fell to the plate in Steve’s hand, and he raised a brow. “You guys carry your lunch everywhere with you?”

Steve shoved the plate toward Tony and stammered, "It’s, um, lunch, for you, and us, I guess. It’s lunch for all of us. If you want, that is.”

Bucky had to repress an eye-roll at Steve’s awkwardness. Even though Bucky wasn’t ready for a sub, he was still better than Steve at approaching them. 

Tony didn’t move to take the plate, so Bucky grabbed it and turned to Tony. “What do you say to lunch, and maybe after, we could give you a hand around the house.”

Tony looked between them, something uncertain in his features, but he quickly concealed it under a smile. He stepped back, grabbing the plate from Bucky as he did. “Thanks, lunch would be great.”

* * *

Tony chewed his sandwich, which was surprisingly good. Bucky and Steve sat on the old couch, while Tony sat in the wingback chair by the fireplace. 

Bucky was wearing long sleeves and leather gloves again, despite the heat, and Tony wondered what he might be hiding. Scars were his first thought. They both had an edge about them, the way they carried themselves. It was more than being a dom. Tony thought it might be from time spent in the military. 

“So,” Tony started as he popped the last bite in his mouth. He dusted the crumbs off on his pants and looked at them. 

Sitting across from two doms and sharing lunch wasn’t what Tony had in mind when he left for Vermont, but he found himself not minding the change of plans. Steve and Bucky seemed like pretty decent guys, and Tony couldn’t deny their attractiveness. Steve's shoulder to waist ratio made him look like a Dorito he wanted to eat, and Bucky’s thick thighs made him want to climb him like a tree, though another part of him doubted two doms like them would ever want a broken sub like him. 

Steve swallowed, wiping his mouth with his hand. “So,” he repeated.

Tony wondered if they even saw him like someone they might want. Truthfully, he wasn’t even sure why he cared. After the disaster of his last relationship, he wasn’t looking, but he wasn’t dead either. He could enjoy the view.

“Well, if you guys insist on helping, I need to get some furniture moved today.” Tony gave a small shrug. “You don’t need to help, though. It's not much fun.” 

Though he wouldn’t mind watching their muscles bunch as they lifted heavy shit. 

Bucky shook his head. “We came to help. Moving furniture is definitely something we can do. Isn’t that right, Stevie?”

Steve nodded. “We’re here to help.”

Tony clapped his hands together, and a little irrational bubble of anxiety pushed up to the surface. He had two huge doms in his house. It was just him and them. Even if he logically knew they weren’t a threat—at least, he didn’t think they were—that didn’t mean that he could control his twitchy instincts. Ty had really fucked him over, and it would take time to lose the knee-jerk reactions to mundane things. 

* * *

Tony offered to help them lift the dresser, but the doms brushed him off, telling them they had it, so Tony stood awkwardly and pointed out where to put it down. While they worked, Tony ordered a bed, spending extra to have it delivered that day. 

He had been right about one thing, though. They looked good flexing and bending, and briefly, for a scary second, Tony wondered what it would like to submit to them. The thought came from nowhere, and it surprised him, making him panic a little. He pushed it down, though, and tried to keep his features schooled in something that looked like indifference. 

Tony directed them around the house with the furniture, and he had them take some of it outside to the driveway. He’d have someone come pick it up later this week. Out of the two of them, Steve seemed to be more open, and a little flirtatious, or maybe Tony just had a good imagination. Bucky seemed a little quieter in a way, even though he talked more. He was more reserved and almost a touch skittish around Tony. Tony wasn’t sure what he’d done to elicit that reaction, but he didn’t draw attention to it. Everyone had their stories, and Bucky seemed to be carrying more of them than most. 

All in all, it was an uneventful visit. Maybe Tony could handle being around doms, after all. 

* * *

Three days after their visit to Tony’s house, Steve and Bucky found themselves in their bedroom, both stripped bare and hearts racing as they fought for dominance over a kiss. Bucky almost always won because Steve let him, because letting him win gave him a tiny bit of normalcy. He’d been broken down enough in his time with Hydra. 

Bucky’s fingers dug into Steve’s sides, pulling him impossibly closer. Steve loved Bucky like this. It shouldn’t be enough for him, he was a dom and should need a sub, but it was. Bucky filled his heart in a way no one else could. 

So what if their relationship wasn’t normal? They could still release some of their energy like this, clawing and kissing, pushing and pulling, until one of them relented, and they’d make love. 

They didn’t need a sub, but that didn’t mean Steve had been able to get Tony out of his mind. There was something about him. Steve wanted to take him apart and see how he worked. He’d always had good instincts, and he could tell Tony was at least a little interested. He'd seen Tony all but drooling as they carried furniture. 

When they’d been working at his house, Steve hadn’t been able to keep his thoughts from wandering. He knew Bucky well enough to know he was thinking the same things. He’s caught Bucky looking softly at Tony when the man was turned. 

What he wouldn’t give to have Tony between them, on his knees, batting his lashes. He imagined taking him down with soft words and a softer touch. They’d take such good care of him. 

Bucky pulled back, panting and eyes glassy. “You’re thinking too much, Rogers.”

Steve shook his head a little, then mouthed Bucky’s jaw. “It’s nothing,” he said against Bucky’s cheek. 

Bucky’s fingers tightened on Steve’s side, and he moved his head to try to see Steve. “Something was on your mind just now.”

Steve sighed against Bucky’s neck. “Nothing we need to talk about. It was stupid.”

Bucky was quiet for a second, just holding onto Steve. “You were thinking about Tony, weren’t you?”

Steve dropped his head to Bucky’s shoulder in defeat. He could never hide from Bucky. There was no point denying it, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty for thinking of another man when with the love of his life. 

“Yeah, it’s not like it’s going to happen, though.” He picked up his head and met Bucky’s gaze. “I love you,” he said firmly, trying to put every ounce of himself into the words. “I don’t need a sub.”

“But you want one.’ 

Steve looked away. “I don’t know, sometimes I do, but”— he pressed a kiss to Bucky’s lips—”I don’t need one. You don’t need to change. We don’t need to change. I mean it, Buck. Everything’s fine the way it is.”

“If he was here, if Tony was here, what would you do?”

Steve felt himself blush, and he shrugged. “I don’t know, Buck. Does it matter?”

Bucky slid his hands up Steve’s side, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He paused over Steve’s chest, twisting a nipple and making his dick twitch back to life. 

“Tell me, Steve. Would you have him on his knees, sucking you off? Or would you bring him down nice and slow, and then fuck him into the mattress once he just a puddle on the bed?” Bucky rolled his nipples between his fingers again, making Steve gasp. “I wouldn’t mind, you know. I kinda like imagining it.”

Steve looked up, meeting Bucky’s dark eyes. “Yeah, you’d like that?”

Bucky hummed. “I might be fucked in the head, but I’m not dead. Of course, I like thinking about it.”

Bucky dropped a hand, grabbing Steve's cock and giving it a hard squeeze before stroking it a few times softly. Steve bucked his hips into the touch, chasing the sensation. 

“I want to suck you off,” Bucky said between strokes, making Steve whimper. “Will you come down my throat? Make me cry for it?”

The only thing Steve could focus on was Bucky’s voice and the constant, firm pressure of his hand on his dick. It was like everything was whittled down to a point, and it was sharp and ready to cut him open.

“Please, Buck, please,” he breathed, knowing he sounded wrecked. 

Bucky tweaked his nipple again, making his gasp, then Bucky let him go to drop to his knees. It wasn’t a position they did often, and Steve had needed more adjustment to it than Bucky after what Hydra did. The last thing Steve wanted was for Bucky to feel like he needed to submit. It had been hard to accept Bucky had changed. It worried Steve more than Bucky, though. Bucky had told him he liked it and to leave it at that, and they didn’t touch on it again. 

Bucky gripped Steve’s cock with one hand, cupping his balls with the other, rolling them between his fingers, drawing a moan from Steve’s throat. Then Bucky licked the head of his cock, collecting the bead of pre-come, and then dove in, taking him down to the root in one smooth glide. Steve felt Bucky's throat convulse, and his breath hitched as he held Steve deep in his mouth, just breaching his throat. His hands went to Bucky’s hair, twisting in the long strands. 

“God, you’re so good, Bucky, so good. Amazing.”

Bucky hummed, sending vibrations through Steve’s cock, and he had to fight the urge to fuck his mouth. Bucky tugged his balls, then drew back and took him again, working him over with his tongue. 

Briefly, for a fleeting moment, he wondered what it would be like to have someone like Tony there. The thought was lost, though, when Bucky swirled his tongue just right and then sank down until his nose was buried in the thatch of hair. Steve all but came when he felt his dick breach Bucky’s throat. Then when he thought he couldn’t take him down anymore, he shifted on his knees, leaned forward, tilting his head just so, then sank another inch. 

Steve’s fingers tightened in Bucky’s hair, making Bucky groan, which pushed Steve closer to the edge. Then Bucky swallowed, working his throat, and it clenched around him, and he forgot how to breathe. Clutching Bucky’s head in his hands, he jerked his hips and let himself fuck his throat once. 

Bucky drew back, sucking a wet breath, and when he looked up at Steve, his eyes were glassy with tears, and his lips were red and slicked with spit. He looked pliant and gorgeous, and it was all Steve wanted to be able to have him like this. 

“You’re such a good boy,” he praised, and even though Bucky wasn’t a sub, Steve still wanted to say it. He wanted Bucky to know how perfect he was. Having each other like this was more than enough. “You love sucking my cock, don’t you, sweetheart?”

Bucky licked his lips and nodded, taking Steve in his hand and sucking him down again. 

“I’m not gonna last much longer. You gonna swallow like a good boy, Buck?”

Bucky hummed and took him deep. Steve felt himself breach Bucky’s throat again. It was so tight and hot and wet. He wasn’t going to last. 

Bucky bobbed his head, working his tongue along the underside of Steve’s cock, tugging and rolling his balls, and everything started to build to a sharp point that was close to making him burst. Steve grabbed Bucky’s head again, and unable to stop himself, he started fucking Bucky’s face as he chased his release. Bucky didn’t fight him. He just curled his lips around his teeth and let him go. 

“Yes, that’s so good. You’re so good, Buck. I’m gonna come.”

And then he pulled Bucky close and released into his throat, and he felt Bucky swallow it down.

Bucky suckled him lightly until he was just too sensitive and shivered, pulling back. Bucky let him fall from his mouth, looking up at him with dark eyes. Steve could see his cock lying heavy and red against his belly, pre-come drooling from the slit. 

Steve petted Bucky’s head, brushing back his sweaty hair. “How do you want to do this, Buck? You look like you’re down.”

Steve didn’t really expect an answer. He just wanted to see how Bucky responded. He could read him well, and from the way Bucky’s wide eyes just blinked at him, Steve knew he was floating. It had been a change in their relationship, now that Bucky could go down. He didn’t do it often, but it happened. At first, it had been hard for them both, but it became normal for them after some acceptance. 

Bucky whimpered, and Steve let his knuckles trace over his cheekbone, and then he caught Bucky’s swollen lip with his thumb and tugged it down. Bucky rutted against nothing with a moan. 

Yeah, he was good and down. 

“Since you were such a good boy, I’m going to reward you. Would you like that, Buck?” Steve slipped his thumb into Bucky’s mouth, and Bucky nodded, curling his tongue around it. 

Shifting his leg, he wriggled his foot between Bucky’s thighs, just touching his balls. “You can rut against my leg as a reward, but you can’t use your hands. Can you do that, sweetheart?”

Steve withdrew his thumb from Bucky’s mouth, threaded his fingers in his hair instead. Bucky didn’t need to be asked twice. He shifted up, and holding onto Steve’s like a vice, he started humping his leg. Steve whispered encouragement as he did, telling him what a good boy he was, how perfect he was. 

It didn’t take long before Bucky was panting and whimpering in his throat, chasing his release. 

“Come for me, baby. Show me how good you can be.”

And that was all it took. Bucky’s rutted a few more times, and then his hips stuttered to a stop, his sweaty forehead resting on Steve’s hip. Steve could feel the come cooling on his leg. 

After Steve guided Bucky to the bed and cleaned both of them up. Then he curled his body around Bucky and held him, murmuring praise and reassurance. Steve’s last thought before falling asleep was about Bucky and how perfect he was. Sure, it would be great to have someone like Tony between them, but it wasn’t necessary. They could give each other everything they needed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony struggles to make peace with his demons, and Steve and Bucky think about Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, much to my surprise, I sat down and wrote 5k yesterday. I definitely won't be pushing out chapters this fast on the regular, though. 
> 
> I added a few tags, nothing too surprising given the story. 
> 
> I don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for typos. If you see something, you can point it out. I'll fix it.

A week had passed since Steve and Bucky had come to his house, and Tony had tried not to think about them. He really did. They just wouldn’t leave his head, though. 

He’d come to Vermont to get away from things like this, not develop a crush on some unavailable men. For all Tony knew, they had a sub at home or were seeing one of the side, or maybe they were just happy on their own. It wasn’t common, but it was possible. 

The house was looking a lot better. Most of the small issues were fixed, and he’d had the junk furniture picked up and new stuff delivered, including a bed. 

The room with the broken window was now his bedroom. He’d repaired the glass, no more duct tape blocking the view. 

He should be relaxing and feeling better, but instead, he found himself having nightmares and feeling anxious about being alone. The house felt too big, even though it wasn’t a mansion like he was used to. It wasn’t that he liked being with Ty. It was just that he’d become used to another’s presence, even if it had been a negative one. He didn’t know what to do with himself in the empty house. He felt untethered like he could float away, but not in a good way. He lacked an anchor now. 

In the early morning, he woke with a start, clutching his chest and looking around the dark room. It took a moment for him to remember where he was and that Ty wasn’t there. He’d been dreaming about his old dom again, fragments of scenes, splicing together to make a nightmare. It left him feeling alone and shaken, a fine sheen of sweat on his skin and sheets twisted around his legs. 

The dream had been so real that he felt like he was dropping. He flipped on the light and found his phone, calling the one person he knew he could count on. Pepper. 

She picked up on the second ring, despite it being four in the morning. 

“Tony? What’s wrong?”

He licked his lips, looking at the shadows in his room. They were so unfamiliar. “Hey, Pep. Nothing’s wrong. Just wanted to hear your voice.”

“It’s four in the morning, Tony. Are you sure you’re all right? Did you have another nightmare?”

Pepper was a good dom, attentive, and she knew Tony well. He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, I did, but it’s fine now. Just need to remind myself it wasn't real.”

He and Pepper had tried a relationship once, but they didn’t click that way. They made better friends, though sometimes Pepper did help take him down when he really needed it. She was a good friend that he could never replace. She and Rhodey were both good to him. 

“Oh, Tony. He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe now.”

“I know, Pep. I know. It’s just—the dreams are so fucking real. I woke up barely able to breathe again.”

“You still sound shaky." She sounded concerned, and Tony didn't blame her. It was seventy degrees, and his teeth were close to chattering. 

"I want you to try and relax and think of something else, anything, just not the dreams, not Ty. Think about the last movie night we had. Focus on that, and tell me how it felt.”

Tony sucked a quivering breath, letting it out through his nose. “It was warm, safe. It felt safe. I knew you were there and that it'd be okay.”

“That’s right, Tony. That’s good. Do you feel like you could sleep again, or do you want to stay on the phone?”

“I can’t sleep again, not tonight.”

“Okay, then why don’t you get up and go to the kitchen. Do you have tea or milk?”

Tony did as she said, holding the phone to his ear as he walked toward the kitchen. “Yeah, I think I have milk. You know I don't have tea.”

“Okay, honey, I want you to warm up a cup of milk, on the stove or microwave, whichever is easier for you. It will help calm your nerves. I want you to relax.” Her voice carried a bit of an order to it, her designation of dom slipping into place. 

Tony complied, letting himself check out and just follow her orders. He listened to her tell him about SI and the meetings she’d been to as he warmed up the milk. It felt good not to think. He didn’t get to go down completely, but he got to check out a little, which was something. 

She kept up the gentle stream of orders, and Tony listened to each one, following through, sipping his milk. Before he even realized it, an hour had passed, and the sky was starting to lighten just a bit. He felt a lot better, the nightmare a distant memory. 

He hung up with Pepper a little after six, feeling lighter and relaxed. He tried not to think of Ty or his problems as a sub. Instead, he took a shower and got ready for the day. 

Today he wanted to look through the shed and see what kind of hidden treasures or junk was in it. His luck, it was probably harboring a family of rabid raccoons. 

After tying up his work boots, he went out the side door and walked down the garden path to the shed. The windows were cracked, and the paint was peeling. It showed its age. 

The closer he got, the more he realized he might not be able to salvage much. It almost looked like it was leaning to the right, and the roof looked soft. 

The door to the shed had a lock hanging from it. Pursing his lips, he looked around for something to break it. He could try picking it, but it looked too rusted for that to work. An old ax leaned against the shed in the high weeds. His eyes fell on it, and he grinned. That would do just fine. 

It took two hits from the ax, and then the lock fell to the dirt. He kicked it out of the way and tossed the ax to the side. Opening the door, he kept himself braced to be attacked by wildlife. 

Thankfully, nothing jumped out at him, so he stepped inside. It was dark, and it took a minute for his eyes to adjust. Boxes and crates were stacked everywhere, and parked in the middle was an old tractor, looking forgotten by time. He didn’t see any treasures, though. 

Then something deep inside the shed yowled, and a box shifted. 

Tony’s back straightened, and he squinted into the shadows. 

Whatever it was, it made a demonic sound, and then a black blur shot out from the corner and ran between Tony’s legs. 

“Okay, so maybe this place did come with tenants.”

He turned and saw a small black cat standing in the grass near the house with its ears back and tail up. Its hair was standing on end. Tony took a step forward, and then the cat shot toward the house and slipped in through the broken basement window. 

“Great,” Tony sighed. “Just great, the house came with a demonic cat.”

When Tony went into town next, he bought a case of canned cat food. Because despite not wanting a pet, he was a sucker for cute little balls of fur, even angry ones. Tony felt a little bit of a connection to the cat. Neither of them seemed too happy about their circumstances. 

Tony avoided the hardware store, though, despite needing some screws. He didn’t want to risk getting tangled up with the doms again. Not that he didn’t enjoy their company, but he knew he was in a vulnerable place. He didn’t want to rebound into another bad relationship, and even though Steve and Bucky seemed like good guys, he didn’t know them well. He needed to be careful. 

That night, Tony left a can of cat food on the porch and another in the basement. He didn’t catch another glimpse of the cat that night, though. 

Over the next few weeks, Tony found himself slipping further into a bad headspace. He hadn’t been down in nearly a month, and his skin was starting to itch. He tried talking to Pepper again to take the edge off, but it didn’t help enough. He still felt like he was breaking apart, losing touch with reality. Everything started to feel like too much. Making decisions became harder, and his brain felt cloudy and foggy. 

He needed to go down.

Standing in the living room, he heard a car pull into his driveway. His anxiety spiked at the thought of dealing with people. He darted over to the window and brushed the lacy curtain out of the way. 

A blue pickup was parked outside. 

As he watched, the door opened, and Steve stepped out, carrying a carton of eggs. Tony’s heart hammered in his chest. He couldn't handle dealing with a dom right now, not while his headspace was wavering like it was. He didn’t want to embarrass himself. 

He moved away from the window and went to hide by the fireplace. He jumped when knuckles rapped hard against the door. He knew he was being a coward, but he couldn’t risk being around a dom. He should have known this would happen. He’d put off going down for too long. 

Steve knocked again, and Tony stayed frozen by the fireplace, out of sight. Another minute passed, and then he heard the truck door close and the engine start. A second later, it pulled away. 

Tony slumped against the mantel, running a shaky hand over his face. After catching his breath, he went to the door and opened it. On the porch, between the main door and the screen one, was a carton of eggs. Tony picked them up with a frown. 

He wasn’t in the right place to think about what it meant, so he took them to the fridge and retreated to his room. 

His skin itched with the urge to submit. The need to lose himself to someone else was too strong to think clearly. Fumbling his phone, he opened the submission app. He dropped to his knees and hung his head as the firm voice of a dom started talking. 

He absorbed the dom's words, letting them wash over him. He anchored himself to the voice. It wasn’t as good as a real dom, but it worked in a pinch. He repeated after the dom, letting the praise sink in. He didn’t get floaty and down, but it took the edge off. 

Despite not wanting to think about Ty, the abusive dom floated into his head. It soured his headspace, turning things dark. Tony felt himself start to panic, and for a brief second, it felt like he was back home with Ty. He remembered the demeaning way Ty would talk to him, and he jerked his shoulders as he recalled the belt Ty favored. It wasn’t that Tony didn’t like impact play. It was how Ty had done it. He didn’t have any regard for Tony. He used pain to bring Tony down fast with no thought to his safety. 

The voice of the dom on his phone continued to talk, but Tony couldn’t focus. His body trembled, and his breaths came too fast. Unable to listen anymore, he reached out for the phone and clicked off the app, dropping it back to the floor. 

He hung his head, trying to catch his breath. 

He was scared. If he couldn’t bring himself down, he didn’t know what he would do. He didn’t feel safe going to a professional, though Pepper had suggested he try. He wondered if he could get Rhodey to fly out and help him. He was a switch, though he preferred to sub. 

Rhodey had work, though, and it wasn’t fair to make him drop everything to come and save him. 

Why did he have to be such a burden?

Tears welled in his eyes, and when he blinked, they broke free and rolled down his cheeks, dripping onto the wood floor. 

He swiped at them in frustration and growled in his throat. The only other doms he knew were Steve and Bucky, but they weren’t an option, no matter how much he might fantasize. He didn’t really know them, though that was his fault. They’ve done nothing but be nice. Steve had even brought him eggs. Who does that? Maybe he should try to get to know them better. 

A meow caught his attention, and he turned to see the little ball of fury flicking its tail at him from the door to his room.

Wiping away his tears again, he tapped his fingers on the floor and tried calling the cat closer. The cat regarded him with a curious expression, then trotted over to him, stopping just out of reach. 

“Hey, kitty, how are you?” He extended his hand to the cat, wiggling his fingers a little. 

The cat tilted its head, then hissed and swiped its claws at him, catching his hand, and then darted out of the room. 

“Asshole!" Tony yelled. "That’s what I’m calling you, you know. Asshole the cat.”

Shoulders dropping, he rubbed the scratch on his hand. He felt a little better, despite getting attacked by the cat. 

He pushed himself to his feet and gathered some clothes and went to take a shower. 

His night had been an emotional rollercoaster, to say the least, and it seemed his brain wasn’t done messing with him because partway into his shower, his thoughts wandered to Steve and Bucky, and he found himself growing hard. 

He knew he shouldn’t indulge himself; it wasn’t like they wanted him, or the fantasies would ever be more than just that, but he found himself wrapping his hand around his cock anyway and imagining what it would be like to kneel for them. He pictured being stretched between them, taking one in his mouth and the other in his ass. 

He braced a hand against the shower wall and jerked himself faster, water running over his face. He imagined being stripped bare and laid over Steve’s lap as he spanked him with an open hand, reddening his ass. 

It didn’t take long for him to climax, grunting under the stream of water, his hips stuttering as he came. 

Yeah, he was fucked. He had hoped he was over his crush, but the come washing down the drain said otherwise. 

* * *

Steve shooed the hen out of the nest and gathered the remaining eggs, putting them in the basket. Bucky was at the store, working until five. Steve had the day off to finish up some chores around the house. 

They hadn’t spoken much more about Tony since Steve’s confession in the bedroom. They’d hoped to see him in the store, but he never showed again. 

It had been a few weeks, but Steve could admit he still felt a little something for Tony. It just seemed like there could have been a start of something. If only Bucky wanted him, too.

His hens had been laying like crazy since summer arrived. The fridges at the house and the store were overflowing with eggs. As he put them away, he thought about Tony, and before he could think too much about it, he'd packed up a carton of eggs for him, too. 

They hadn’t seen each other in a while, but Steve wanted him to know that they still wanted to be friends. What better way to do that than bring a carton of fresh eggs? 

Locking up the house, he got in the truck and headed down the road to Tony’s house. He hoped he was home. It would be nice to talk to him again. He worried they might have come on too strong the first time they’d visited and scared him away. 

As he walked to the door, he saw the curtain shift, and a shadow moved inside. He was definitely home, then. With a smile, he knocked on the door and waited. No one answered, though. Frowning, he knocked again, but when no one came to the door. 

Disappointed, he set the eggs on the porch by the door and went home. He hoped Tony wasn’t upset with them, though he couldn’t think of a reason he should be. 

* * *

Bucky started closing up the store around six. It had been another quiet day, which was good because his shoulder ached where the prosthetic attached to his body. Some days were worse than others. He was lucky, though, to have one of the new prototypes from Stark Industries. It let him live close to a normal life. Briefly, he’d wondered if Tony was related to those Starks, but he shrugged it off. Probably not. 

Shutting off the lights, he armed the alarm and headed out the door. He couldn’t wait to get home and binge some shitty reality TV with Steve. Maybe they could order out. 

Actually, that was a good idea. 

Grabbing his phone, he called Suzie’s Place and ordered two large pizzas, one pepperoni and the other sausage. It worked out perfectly. They’d be ready in twenty minutes, just enough time to finish closing up and drive over to get them. 

After picking up the food and exchanging a few kind words with Suzie, he headed home. 

Steve was outside when he got there, poking at a small campfire in the yard. He had two chairs set up and the cooler next to them. He smiled at Bucky, stabbing the coals once and then tossing the poker to the ground. 

“How’s Suzie?” Steve asked, walking over to meet him and eyeing the food. He started to take the pizzas from him. “Is her daughter still off at college?”

Bucky leaned in and pecked his lips. “Yeah, she’s coming home soon, I think. Sausage and pepperoni okay?”

“Yeah, great.” Steve carried the boxes over to the picnic table and set them down, opening one of the boxes and grabbing a slice. He took a bite and moaned. “God, this is good.”

Bucky snorted. “You make eating sound obscene.” He took his own slice and walked over to one of the seats by the fire, sitting down. He looked over at Steve as he chewed. “So what did you do today?”

Steve walked over to the cooler and grabbed two beers, passing one to Bucky and then sitting down. “Not much, fixed the roost in the coop. I also got the schedule figured out for next month since Clint wanted time off for a vacation.” He set his slice down in his leg and opened his beer. “I, uh, I went over to the Stark place to see Tony, too. Brought him some eggs, but I’m not sure he wanted to see me.”

“What makes you think that?” 

Bucky wasn’t surprised Steve had gone over. It was honestly a shock he’d lasted this long.

Steve took a pull from his bottle. “He didn’t answer the door, but I knew he was home. I’m pretty sure I saw him in the window.”

Bucky’s brows pulled together. He thought back to the last time they’d seen him and couldn’t think of a reason he’d avoid them. He thought they’d left things on a good note. “That’s kinda weird. Maybe we should stop by again and make sure everything is all right. Maybe he’s sick or something.”

Steve frowned. “I hope he’s all right.”

“He could just be busy. I’m sure it’s fine, though.” 

Bucky hoped everything was fine. 

Later that night, when the fire had died out, and the beers were gone, they went inside and fell into each other’s arms, and as they kissed, Bucky thought about what it would be like to have a sub. 

He knew it had been on Steve’s mind for a while, but meeting Tony had stirred up Bucky’s desires. For the first time in a long time, he felt himself wanting to have someone kneel for him, and that wasn’t something Steve could give him, not really anyway. 

Steve tried to be what he needed, but he didn’t enjoy submission, and it wasn’t fair to try to make him shape himself into something he wasn't. Even when he did try to play along, it seemed unfair. Pretending with Steve didn’t give Bucky the same hit of serotonin and endorphins that watching a real sub in subspace gave him. He liked bringing a sub down, through a paddle or praise. It didn’t matter to Bucky. It completed the other half of his biology. 

Steve didn’t have this problem. Bucky could go down for him and give him that fix. Maybe Steve was right. Perhaps they did need a sub, but where would they find one. Most subs they knew were in relationships. Clint had Natasha, and Bruce had Thor. They could get one through a service, but Bucky wanted something more personal. He wanted a connection.

It didn’t help that the one sub he was interested in was out of his league. Tony would be perfect. He didn’t even know what it was about the man he liked so much, but something about him was intriguing. He played his cards close to the chest, but that only made Bucky want to know more about him, and then there were his eyes. They held so much emotion, and what Bucky wouldn’t give to have them looking up at him, trusting and waiting for orders. He had enjoyed spending time with him. He was funny and smart and witty and kept them on their toes. If he could, he’d listen to him talk for hours. He loved his voice. 

To his knowledge, Tony didn’t have a dom at home, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a contract with a professional. Tony lived alone in that big house, and Bucky had to wonder why. Had something happened in his life that he was escaping from?

When you boiled it all down, the truth was that Bucky and Steve didn’t know that much about Tony, but that didn’t mean they weren’t interested in knowing more. Bucky knew if he asked Steve, told him what he was thinking, that he’d be on board with trying to get to know Tony more, too. 

Maybe they would have to visit him tomorrow. They could bring some beers and a pizza, or should they bring soup in case he really was sick? They’d figure it out in the morning. 

He pushed Steve down on the bed and climbed on top of him, letting his gaze rake over his bare chest down to his cock, which was laying hard and heavy against this stomach. 

“You look good underneath me,” Bucky said, leaning down and nipping at Steve’s collarbone. His skin was salty from sweat. “Can I fuck you, sweetheart? I need it, Steve. I need you under me.”

“Tell me what to do, Buck. Whatever you say, I’ll do it. You’ve got me. I’m yours,” Steve breathed, his eyes dark. His tongue peeked out to wet his lips, and his throat bobbed. 

Bucky rolled off him and got the lube from the bedside table, holding it out to Steve. “I want to see you open yourself up. Make it good for me, Stevie. Put on a show.”

Steve took the lube and moved on the bed, so his back was against the headboard, a pillow behind him. Bucky watched as he lubed up his fingers and then reached around himself.

As he started to bring his finger to his hole, Bucky grabbed his knee and pushed it toward the bed. “Use your other hand, spread yourself open. I want to see that little hole stretch.”

Steve’s eyes seemed to darken, and he nodded his head quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, Buck, I can do that.” 

Steve moved his feet a little further apart, and keeping himself spread, he pushed a finger past the clenched ring of muscle, and Bucky knew from experience how tight and hot he felt. Steve made a breathy sound and squirmed on his finger. Bucky watched, his throat dry at the sight.

“Work it in a little deeper,” Bucky coaxed, and Steve’s finger slipped in past the second knuckle. “Yeah, just like that, sweetheart. You’re so good, Steve. My little cock slut. You want it, don’t you? You want me buried in your ass, fucking you until you forget your name. Say it, Steve. Say you want it.”

Steve pulled his finger out and worked another back in alongside it. His eyes screwed shut, and he panted. Steve always liked the stretch. Bucky watched as he tugged at his rim, fingers scissoring against his hole. 

“Yeah, Buck. I want it. I want your cock, only yours.”

Bucky reached down and grabbed Steve’s dick with his metal hand, giving it a squeeze and then a pull, jerking him slowly in time with Steve’s fingers. 

“I’ve been thinking, Stevie, about everything you’ve said. I know you can be a good boy for me, but I think I want more. I’m ready—I mean, I’m ready to take a sub. If you still want one.”

Steve’s eyes met his, and he blinked, then a smile spread over his face. His fingers stilled in his ass. “Yeah? You really want one?”

“Don’t stop fingering yourself,” he ordered. “You still need to be good, but yeah. I’m ready to try if you are.”

Steve added another finger, making three, and his hips lifted from the mattress, and he whined. “Can it be Tony? If he’ll have us, that is.”

Bucky grabbed his own cock and gave it a few pulls, pre-come beaded at the tip. He swiped his thumb through it. “Yeah, Stevie. I want him, too.”

Steve worked his fingers in his ass, fucking himself good. “We have to talk to him.” His voice was strained with arousal. 

“We will, we’ll court him like a pair of proper doms, but first I want to see you come from my dick.” Bucky grabbed the discarded bottle of lube and slicked himself up, moving between Steve’s legs. “You’re ready for me, aren’t you, baby? All loose and soft, ready to pull me right in.”

Steve nodded, pulling his fingers free. He reached for Bucky’s hips and tried to pull him down. “I need it, Buck. Please.”

Bucky shushed him, grabbing Steve’s legs behind his knees and pushing them toward Steve's chest. 

Steve got with the program quickly, scrambling to grip his legs and hold them back. Bucky could see his pink hole from where he kneeled between Steve’s legs. It glistened with slick and looked a little puffy from Steve’s earlier ministrations.

He pressed his thumbs against his rim, just dipping inside, tugging gently. His hole tried to clench around his thumb like it wanted to pull him in. It made heat pool in Bucky’s gut. 

Withdrawing his thumb, he took his cock and leaned toward Steve, guiding his dick to trace over his hole. After spreading a little slick, he pressed himself forward and held his breath as Steve's body stretched to accept him.

After what felt like an eternity, his head pushed past his rim, breaching the tight ring of muscle. He panted for a moment, watching Steve’s face for any sign of discomfort. Steve looked blissed out, not down and floaty like a sub, but he looked like he was enjoying it, and that was enough for Bucky. Slowly, he pushed deeper into the hot clutch of Steve’s ass. 

Finally, finally, after breathing through the urge to just push and take, he bottomed out. His breaths were coming quick. It was so good, so amazing. 

Steve was perfect for him like always. They fit together so well. The only thing Bucky could think would make it better would be Tony there with them. It felt so good to have finally made the decision to pursue him. He just hoped Tony was interested in them, too. Not many people wanted two doms. 

“It’s okay, Buck. You can move. Please move.” Steve’s voice was wrecked, and his pupils were blown wide. He still had a sharp awareness about him, though, that reminded Bucky that Steve wasn’t a sub. He couldn’t reach subspace. 

Bucky gripped the back of Steve’s thighs to ground himself and pulled out, just so his head was still in, then pushed forward in a steady slide, burying himself again. It drew a long moan from Steve. Bucky repeated it a few more times before picking up the pace. With every drag of his cock through Steve’s tight ass, he felt himself come apart a little more. 

He started to fold Steve in half as he fucked him, taking one of his legs and putting it over his shoulder, pushing his other leg to the side to make room. Steve grunted from the force of Bucky’s thrusts, his fingers digging into Bucky’s shoulders, though the metal one didn’t give. 

From the sounds Steve was making, Bucky knew he must be nailing his prostate with every thrust. 

“Grab your cock, Stevie,” he said between pants, and Steve brought a shaky hand to his dick. “Get yourself off. I want to feel you come.”

Steve started jerking himself off as Bucky fucked him, and soon his head was thrown back, his neck corded with the strain of his orgasm as he cried out. Come shot up and hit their chests, a few drops landing on Steve’s neck. Panting, Steve relaxed back into the mattress and looked up at Bucky with glassy eyes. He looked thoroughly fucked out. 

Bucky’s climax was building, and he fucked into Steve with purpose, chasing his end. It didn’t take long. He slammed into Steve a final time, hips stilling, as he filled Steve’s ass with his come. 

Breathing heavy, he slid Steve’s leg down from his shoulder and let himself slip from his ass. They were both a mess, but it was worth it. Bucky felt better than he had in a while, and some of that, he knew, was their agreement to take the next step and talk to Tony.

“I’ll be right back, babe,” Bucky said, going to get a cloth to clean up their mess. 

He’d always enjoyed aftercare. He liked taking care of his partners that way, and even though Steve wasn’t at risk of subdrop, that didn’t mean Bucky would care for him any differently. 

When he got back to the bedroom, Steve looked relaxed, a small smile on his face. 

“So, did you mean what you said?” Steve asked, putting an arm behind his head, eyes on Bucky. 

Bucky hummed, climbing on the bed and wiping down Steve’s chest and neck. He folded the cloth and looked at Steve. “I’m ready, and I think it would be good for us. I just don’t know if Tony would even be interested.”

“From the way he watched us, I think we have a shot, at least. That’s something, right?”

Bucky moved Steve’s legs apart and lifted his balls, wiping up the come and lube. “Yeah, I mean, he seemed a little interested. I mean, I don’t know this for sure, but he didn’t seem to have anyone, dom or otherwise. There might be a reason for that, though. We’ll need to take things slow.”

“Of course,” Steve agreed. “We shouldn’t push him. Even if he doesn’t want us like that, I’d still like to be friends with him. He seemed lonely, you know?”

Bucky tossed the rag on the floor and climbed up next to Steve, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Yeah. Tell you what, we’ll go see him tomorrow. Maybe we can eat lunch together again.”

Steve smiled like the dope he was and said, “Yeah, that sounds great. I want to see him again, too.”

He curled around Steve and thought about what tomorrow would bring. He really hoped Tony was all right. He hoped he wanted to see them, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and decide to comment. I hate to be one of those authors, but damn, did the response spur me on. It really did push me to write faster. But if you aren't the commenting type or you're shy, that's okay, too. You take care of you. I'll still do my best to get the story out fast regardless. This is a guilt-free zone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizations are made, and Tony's headspace slips. Steve and Bucky are there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been so kind to me, and it makes me want to just wrap you all up in the biggest hug. Thank you so much for reading along with me while I write this. And I was very surprised to have another chapter done so fast. I've had some time the last few days. 
> 
> A few new tags, but nothing too unexpected.
> 
> Thanks to Goosenik on tumblr for catching my typos this chapter.

The late June sun beat down on Tony’s back as he knelt in the dirt, pulling handfuls of grass and weeds from around his tomato plants. Much to his surprise, the plants were flourishing. Who knew he’d have a green thumb?

A garden had been Pepper’s suggestion. She thought he could use a hobby that directly reflected the effort put into it. The plants already had little yellow flowers. Having something to take care of, something that counted on him, was a nice change of pace. 

According to everything he’d read, he should see the start of tomatoes soon. He looked forward to making his mother’s sauce with them. He didn’t have a lot of good memories of his childhood, but he’d never forget sitting at the counter as his mother explained how to make her famous red sauce.

He wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, probably smearing dirt across his face. He was too tired to care. Sleep came at a premium lately. Some nights the nightmares weren’t too bad, but others, he'd wake up in the early morning, panting and clawing his arms, unable to fall back asleep. 

A lot of that, he knew, had to do with not going down. His chest felt hollow, the dull ache of loneliness his new companion. He craved contact, companionship.

He’d been using the app on his phone and talking to Pepper, but it wasn’t the real thing. It felt like he had a hole in his chest that needed to be filled, but he didn’t have the tools to do it. 

Thankfully, he’d been able to avoid going out much, so he didn’t risk dropping in public. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, not finding a dom, but he just wasn’t ready yet. He didn’t like the cold, impersonal nature of professional doms. 

After everything with Ty, Tony didn’t know if he could trust just anyone, professional or not. If he were to find someone, he thought they’d need to be friends first, and that was a tall order given the state of his life. 

Making friends was never easy for Tony. Most people wanted him for his money or clout. It was hard to find someone he could trust. He’d made a mistake in Ty, and he’d trusted Obadiah when he shouldn’t have. He couldn’t make that mistake again. He wouldn’t survive it.

Car doors shutting made Tony lift his head, squinting in the afternoon sun. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries. 

Using his shirt to wipe the sweat from his eyes, he pushed himself to his feet and dusted off his hands. He wasn’t very presentable in his shorts and sweaty wife-beater. He hadn’t styled his hair that morning; instead, just running his fingers through it once. 

He considered cutting around the garden and taking the side door into the house, avoiding whoever was lurking in the driveway, but then he remembered that Pepper had mentioned coming up soon, so on the off chance it was her or Rhodey, he walked down the lawn and came around the corner of the house. 

His first thought was fuck, and so was his second and the third, leading to a mental chant of fuck, fuck, fuck. 

It wasn’t Pepper, and maybe had he actually been getting enough sleep, he’d have considered it could have Steve and Bucky stopping by. Tony was in no place to be around doms he didn’t know well. There was too much of a chance he could slip and do something embarrassing. It was too late to retreat, though, as they both had turned to him, faces lighting up in wide smiles. 

He had to put physical effort into not dragging a hand over his face in frustration. Channeling his years in front of the media, he took a breath and plastered on a smile he hoped looked believable. This was going to be a trainwreck, and he knew it.

He waved to them and started toward them, but then stopped, his eyes widening in surprise when the light caught Bucky’s left arm. It wasn't scarring that he’d been hiding under long sleeves and gloves all this time. He had a Stark Industries Prototype.

Tony had made all the prototypes himself, so the arm Bucky was wearing Tony had spent time personally putting together. The arm worked well from the looks of it, and Tony felt a little bubble of pride swell up. 

He didn’t often get to follow what happened to them after they left his workshop. It became a problem for the committees, doctors, and lesser engineers while Tony moved onto new projects. Seeing his creation in use was something else. 

Not wanting to stare, he tore his eyes away and continued over to them. Steve had a six-pack of beer, and Bucky had a pizza and a brown paper bag that looked like it held snacks. 

They started over to him, too. 

“Hey, Tony,” Bucky said. “We thought we’d stop by and see how things were coming along.”

Tony stopped, putting his hands on his hips and looking at the house for a second before turning back to them. “It’s coming along. Still need to update the electric, so I can put in AC, but it’s good. Yeah, I wasn’t sure how living out here would be, but I’m enjoying myself.”

Steve raised the beer. “We brought some food again, and this time we remembered beer. You do drink, right? I didn’t even think.”

Tony waved off his worry. “Yeah, and after kneeling in the garden for the last few hours, a beer sounds great.”

Bucky raised his brows. “Is that why all the dirt?” He touched his forehead and motioned to his cheek. “You’ve got a little on your face.”

Tony groaned, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and wiping his face. He didn’t even think that he was showing off his stomach until he was smoothing it back in place and saw Steve chewing his lip, eyes decidedly elsewhere. Bucky was watching, though. 

Sucking in a breath, Tony steeled himself and tried not to think of his numerous fantasies involving the two of them. He didn’t need to slip and make himself look pathetic. 

He nodded toward the house. “Let’s head in. I don’t know about you, but I need a break from this heat.”

The house was only marginally cooler than outside, but Tony would take it. He’d been stooped over in the garden all morning, tending his plants. He had sweat in embarrassing places. 

The interior had had an overhaul since the last time they sat around the shabby furniture and ate. The living room had a new sofa, and the wingback chair had been swapped out for a loveseat. The dust was cleaned, and the old yellowed curtains had been replaced. 

One of the biggest changes was the addition of the giant cat tree by the window and the collection of cat toys scattered around the room. 

Though the cat was still an asshole. 

Anytime Tony got too close, it tried flaying off his skin, but Tony liked to think they were making progress, working toward a truce or something. The obscene amount of stuff he’d bought the damned thing should have won him over alone. 

“You can put that stuff down on the table.” Tony motioned to the coffee table and then sat on the loveseat. 

Asshole yawned from his perch on the cat tree and started licking its paw. He knew better than to trust that innocent face. Tony wasn’t the only one watching him, though. Bucky and Steve were giving the cat curious looks. 

Bucky turned his head to look at Tony. “I didn’t nail you for the cat type. When did you get him?”

Tony shrugged, reaching for a beer. “You don’t mind, right?” he asked, looking at Steve. 

Steve shook his head and waved for him to take one. “I just hope they’re cold enough.”

Tony cracked it open, taking a sip. “Perfect.” He looked to Bucky, who was calling the cat. “He’s not really mine. Well, kinda, I guess. He came with the house. We’re still working out the kinks. I’m not sure he appreciates me that much yet.”

“He’s really pretty. Is he friendly?” Bucky got up and walked over to the cat tree. He looked over his shoulder at Tony. “Can I pet him?”

Tony scoffed. “At your own risk. I don’t want to be sued when he eats your hand.”

Steve laughed, nodding toward Bucky. “He’s really good with cats. We had this old white barn cat years ago, Alpine. Bucky had found it under the coop. The thing was a beast to anyone but him.”

“Yeah, well—” And then Tony snapped his mouth shut as Bucky picked up Asshole and the traitorous shit started purring like an engine. “So you can be nice." He narrowed his eyes at the cat. "You just like the taste of my blood.”

Bucky held the cat to his chest, scratching his ears. “Cats are smart. They know. I think he was probably just picking up your nerves or something.”

“Or something,” Tony muttered, taking another sip of his beer. 

Bucky came back to the couch, putting the cat in his lap. “You’re a good little kitty, aren’t you? What’s your name, huh?”

Tony glared at the cat. “Asshole, Asshole the cat. I thought it suited him since all he does is use me like a scratching post or knock shit off the mantle.”

Bucky raised a brow, rubbing the cat’s chin, and Steve snorted. 

Steve tipped his head to the pizza, then took a beer. “You should eat, Tony. You look like you’ve lost weight since the last time we saw you.”

Tony rolled the bottle between his hands, a small smile playing at his lips. “Is that the nice way of saying you look like shit?”

Steve’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head, putting up a hand. “No, no, of course not. You know what, forget I even said anything.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. I know I look like death warmed over. I’ve had a rough month.”

Bucky frowned, turning his attention away from the cat to Tony. “What’s going on? Anything we can help with?”

Yeah, in a lot of ways, none of which are appropriate, he thought. He couldn’t say that, though, so he just shook his head and took a drink. He wiped his mouth and eyed the cat again. Jarvis had always told him that animals were a good judge of character. 

Tony set his beer down on the table. “I think I’ll have some of that pizza now.”

He didn’t want to talk to them about his problems. No one wanted a needy sub. They didn’t need to know how long it’d been since he’d been down. 

His hands shook a little as he opened the box. If Steve or Bucky noticed, they were nice enough not to mention it. 

As Tony picked up his slice, the cat jumped out of Bucky’s lap. 

“I think I’ll have some, too.” Then Bucky leaned forward to grab a slice, but his metal hand brushed against Tony’s arm. It didn’t bother Tony at all, but Bucky yanked it back like he’d expected Tony to be disgusted. 

Tony frowned a little, nodding to the box. “Sorry, you can grab yours. I’m out of the way.”

Bucky shook his head, moving his metal hand down by the couch. “Nah, I’m sorry. I forget sometimes because it’s so real.”

Tony’s face twisted in confusion. “Huh? Did you think touching it would bother me? I got news for you then, buddy. I’ve already had my hands all through that arm.”

It was Steve and Bucky’s turn to be confused.

“What?” Steve asked at the same time Bucky said, “Huh?”

Tony shrugged, taking a bite. “Good pizza, not New York, but passable.”

Steve shook his head. “Wait. What did you mean about Bucky’s arm?”

Tony waved at Bucky’s arm. “I built it. It’s Stark Tech. That’s my job, my company. You guys really didn’t put it together? This is the old Stark place, after all.”

“So you're ...” Bucky blinked. 

Tony gestured to himself. “Tony Stark.”

“Shit,” Steve said, taking a swig of beer. “We honestly had no idea. I just thought … I don’t know. I thought you were Tony, but I didn’t really put it with the last name. I should've realized. You’re on all the magazine covers.”

Tony tried to keep his face neutral, but it was hard. He looked at a spot on the floor. “Does it make a difference?”

Bucky flexed his metal hand, shaking his head. “It’s crazy to meet the guy who made this, but it doesn’t change anything. You’re still the same old Tony to me.”

“Same here,” Steve said. “Doesn’t make a difference at all.”

Tony nodded. “Good, good.”

They finished up late with no more revelations, and Bucky asked to see the rest of the house, so he ended up giving them a tour. 

“So, that’s about it. As you can see, I have some work left. I’ll need to hire someone to refinish the floors. I’m dedicated to getting my hands dirty but not that dedicated.”

They were standing in the kitchen. Tony had just got done showing them the updated appliances. They seemed impressed by what Tony had accomplished, but money had played a part in getting it done, that and a lot of free time. It wasn’t like he had a job to get to right now. Pepper was covering for him, and he had been ahead on projects. This was his first vacation in years.

“Are you keeping the tile backsplashes?” Steve asked. 

Tony flicked his gaze to the wall by the counter, then back to Steve. “Yeah, probably. It’s vintage, right? That’s in, or it will be when I make it thing.”

Bucky laughed. “I think it’s fine. Vintage is definitely in.”

They had been there for a few hours, and by some miracle, Tony hadn’t made a fool of himself yet, but then, whenever he thought he was in the clear, something always shook things up. He should have seen it coming. 

They were turning to leave the kitchen when Asshole came flying through, jumping Tony. His elbow hit the glass on the side of the counter, causing it to shatter on the floor. 

He cursed, shaking his head, and bent down to pick up the pieces. “Stupid fucking cat. Sorry, I’ll clean this up. I’m always doing this, ruining things. I shouldn’t have left it out.”

Tony picked at the shards, not seeing or hearing Steve and Bucky. Maybe it was going so long without a dom that made him so fragile, but the stupid glass breaking had snapped something in him. He had an inner mantra of how stupid he was on repeat in his head, and he didn’t register what he was doing or his surroundings. 

He distantly thought he heard someone say his name, so he apologized again.

“Tony, stop!” a familiar dom voice ordered from above him, and he froze. Blinking, he looked up to see Steve’s concerned face. “Please, Tony. You’re bleeding.”

Everything felt a little hazy and disconnected. He looked down and saw red. Slowly, he made the connection to the glass. “Oh. I’m sorry. That was bad. I’ve been bad again.”

Steve looked horrified. “No, Tony. You aren’t bad.” He looked to Bucky. “Help?”

Blood dripped on the floor, leaving little splatter marks. Red pooled in his hand around the shards of bloody glass. He’d made the dom angry. He must be bad. His mind started to slip further away from him, and despite the summer heat, he shivered. The sharpness of reality was slipping, and Tony felt himself falling. 

“Tony, you with me, doll?” another voice said from his left, and he dragged his gaze to sound. Bucky. It was the other dom. He didn’t look mad. He looked worried. Tony didn’t understand. He’d been bad. He’d hurt himself. He deserved to be punished, but they weren’t his doms, though his brain had trouble registering that. 

He felt fuzzy. His thoughts danced just out of reach. After waiting so long to go down, his mind had slipped without his permission. All he could feel was the presence of the doms and his desire to please them. 

He just wanted to be good. Ty had always said he was needy because he craved touch. Right now, he just wanted to melt into the doms and feel safe, but they weren’t his. They didn’t want him like that. 

He watched absently as Bucky reached out and took his wrist, plucking the bloodied glass from his hand and setting it on the floor in a pile. 

Tony blinked at him, his mind sinking down. His brain to mouth filter was long gone. “Am I bad?”

Bucky looked wounded. “No, Tony, you aren’t bad. It was an accident. We can talk about it more later if you want, but right now, we need to clean up your hand.”

Tony frowned, trying to push through the stiff molasses that was holding his thoughts hostage. “Okay.”

What Bucky said made sense. He was bleeding. If he didn’t clean it up, it would make more of a mess. He didn’t want to make the doms angry. 

Steve crouched down in front of him, taking his injured hand and wiping the blood gingerly. The gentle touch made him melt. It had been so long since someone had touched him, and he felt himself sink further down. 

* * *

Steve dabbed the blood away, careful of any glass that might remain. He didn’t see anything, but a few small splinters could easily go undetected. Thankfully, the bleeding had mostly stopped, and the cut didn’t look like it needed stitches. 

When he looked at Tony's face again, he saw his eyes were glassy and unfocused. “Tony?”

The only response he got was Tony dropping his eyes to the floor.

He looked at Bucky, who frowned. 

Swallowing, Steve put the cloth over the cut, and then hooked a finger under Tony’s chin and lifted his head. He waited for Tony’s eyes to find his before speaking. 

“Hey, Tony. If I help you up, can you stand and go to the sink? I need to rinse this cut out.”

Tony just blinked at him. 

Sighing, he looked to Bucky again. “He seems really far down, Buck. I don’t know how something like this even happens. Unless he really doesn’t have a dom, and he’s not been going down at all.”

“Shit,” Bucky swiped a hand over his mouth. “He can’t consent to us helping him. I don’t feel comfortable with this.”

“Yeah, me either. I’m sure he’ll be mortified about this later, but we can't just leave him like this.”

Bucky sucked in a breath, letting it out through his nose. “Yeah, he’s no shape to be alone. We’ll do what we have to, but keep it light. Hopefully, we can get him back up.”

Steve turned his attention back to Tony. “Sweetheart.” He cringed, chastising himself for the pet name. “Tony,” he amended. “I want you to stand. I’ll help. Can you do that?”

Tony nodded and started to move. Steve and Bucky moved with him, helping him up.

“Good job, Tony. That was so good. Come over here to the sink, okay?”

He took Tony’s elbow and guided him over. Turning on the water, he put Tony’s hand under the stream, making him wince. Pink water washed down the drain.

“I know it hurts. Just let me clean it up, and then it will feel better.”

Tony’s gaze drifted to Steve. “Was I bad?”

That was the second time he’d asked that, and a part of Steve wanted to find the dom who made Tony so insecure and string him up by the balls, or ovaries, if it happened to be a woman. The way Tony acted, so small and unsure, said a lot about his past experiences. 

Bucky patted Steve’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna find some bandages.”

He glanced over his shoulder at him. “Thanks, Buck. I’m gonna take him to the living room once this is cleaned up.”

Steve shut off the water and tore some paper towels off the roll on the counter, drying Tony’s hand. Tony shifted just a hair, leaning into the touch, and it broke Steve’s heart a little more. He wondered when the last time someone took care of Tony was. 

“Come on, Tony. Let’s go sit down and wait for Bucky.”

He placed a hand on the small of Tony’s back, trying to ignore the shiver that passed through Tony at the touch, and guided him toward the living room. 

Tony stayed soft and malleable, letting Steve move him around. He helped sit him on the couch and then sat opposite him on the edge of the coffee table, still holding Tony’s injured hand. 

A frown marred Tony’s expression like he was deep in thought. He licked his lips and looked down at where Steve held his wrist but didn’t say anything. Steve counted the seconds until Bucky returned to help. 

Bucky reappeared a minute later with a roll of gauze and some tape. He sat beside Tony, passing the gauze to Steve. “How is he doing?”

Steve looked at Tony’s eyes again, seeing the same distant expression. He glanced back at Bucky. “He’s still down. I don’t want to cross a line with him, but he’s so insecure. I just want to hold him, you know?”

“It’s not fair to him, though. Let’s get his hand wrapped up, and then we’ll try to bring him out of it. No matter how much he deserves to be taken care of like that, it’s not our place, at least not yet anyway.”

Steve sighed. He knew Bucky was right. They couldn’t overstep. Tony was going to be embarrassed for slipping already. If Steve and Bucky started cuddling him, it would be crossing a line. Tony deserved the right to choose his dom and how it went. Negotiations were important for a reason. What Tony wanted when he was down like this might not be something he’d be okay with later.

Leaning closer, Steve wrapped Tony’s hand, being careful not to make it too tight. Bucky passed him a piece of tape, and he secured the end. He rested Tony’s hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his other hand. The corners of Tony’s mouth twitched. 

A meow came from behind him, and then the cat jumped up into Tony's lap. It circled once and then laid down, purring loudly. Steve let go of Tony’s hand, watching as some awareness came to Tony’s eyes.

The change was enough to make Tony look down, and he brought a hand to the cat's head, scratching behind its ears. Asshole butted his head into Tony's hand, clearly enjoying it. A small smile twitched on Tony's lips. 

Bucky dug into the paper bag he'd brought, producing a bag of M&M's a moment later. "The sugar might help."

"Thanks." Steve took the candies from Bucky and opened them, holding them out to Tony. "You want some? It might help."

Tony shook his head, looking a little clearer. His eyes stayed focused on the cat. "I'm feeling better. You don't have to stay."

Steve didn't know how to answer him. He clearly was not fine, but it wasn't his place to argue. 

Bucky leaned toward Tony, his elbows in his knees. "Do you have someone we could call? Your dom maybe?"

Tony shook his head. "Don't have one."

Steve frowned. "Not even a professional?" When Tony shook his head again, he asked, "What about a friend?"

"There's Pep, Pepper, but we're not—she's not my dom. We tried, but it never worked." 

Steve dragged a hand over his mouth. "I don't feel comfortable leaving you after what happened. I don't think Bucky does either."

Tony sighed, looking up from the cat. "It is what it is. I'm not a good sub. I'm a mess. This isn't my first rodeo."

Steve and Bucky exchanged a look. Then he tried to catch Tony's gaze. "No offense, but whoever told you that shouldn't be a dom."

"Stevie's right, Tony. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

The cat dropped his head and rolled onto its side a little. Tony ran his fingers through his fur. “Yeah, well, no offense, but you don’t know me. You don’t know what I can be like.”

Tony looked so defeated. Steve wished he could do something to take away his insecurities. He put the candy on the table and sighed, looking at Bucky for support. 

Bucky nodded his head, then turned to Tony. “Can we get you anything?”

Tony shook his head. “I think I’ll just go lay down. I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day.”

“Okay,” Steve rubbed his face, “but will you take our number in case you need something?”

“Yeah, let me get my phone out.” Tony reached in his pocket, taking it out. Steve gave him their numbers. 

“Anytime, Tony. Day or night.”

Tony nodded, putting his phone away. “Thanks, um, and I really appreciate you guys not making what happened into a thing." He waved vaguely in the air. "You could’ve taken advantage. Some doms wouldn’t respect boundaries like that.”

Steve really didn’t want to think about what type of doms Tony had dealt with in the past. He could see the tension in Bucky, too, and he knew he probably had the same feelings. Tony had been so soft and pliant, so willing to comply. He’d just wanted reassurance and to do the right thing. What Steve wouldn’t give to able build him back up, help heal some of those wounds. 

“Well, I like to think we’re better than that,” Bucky said seriously, “better doms, better people. Consent is important.” He sighed, looking down at his hands. “I know you probably aren’t looking, I don’t claim to know what’s going on in your life, but if you need something, a friend, a dom, all you have to do is ask. I’d count myself lucky to have your submission.”

Tony’s curled his shoulders in, digging his fingers into the cat’s fur. “You don’t want someone like me, but thanks for the offer.”

Steve exchanged a look with Bucky. Someone had done a number on Tony’s self-esteem. No sub should feel like that. 

“I’d like that chance to talk to you again about this,” Steve said after a minute. “Maybe when you’re feeling better. I know I’d be honored to have your submission, too.”

The gift of submission was a precious one. If Tony would trust them with that, he'd treasure it. You'd have to be a fool, or real scum, to mistreat a sub as precious as Tony.

Tony frowned. “Yeah, I need to think about it when I’m not so cloudy. I’ll let you know.”

Steve felt a hope flicker in his chest. “That’s all we ask. I know we don’t know each other well, but we’d like that chance to know you better.”

Nodding, Tony brushed the cat to the floor and stood, looking at his feet. “I think I’m gonna go call Pep and lay down.”

Steve gave him a weak smile. “Okay, we’ll get out of your hair, then. Call us if you need anything.”

Tony nodded and walked to the staircase. Steve and Bucky quickly picked up the mess from lunch, cleaned up the glass and blood, and locked the door on their way out. 

Steve hoped Tony would call. He hoped Tony would think about their offer, for friendship or more. He wanted to make things better for him. He’d seen the pleading look in Tony’s eyes when he was down. What Steve wouldn’t give to make him feel good, to reassure him. No sub should feel as insecure as Tony. 

They could be so good together. They just needed the chance to prove to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're making progress with bringing them together. It won't be long because I'm itching to get there. I've got this scene in my head that involves fisting that I want to write. I can't wait. 
> 
> You guys are great readers, and as always, I love to hear from you, but I totally get it if commenting is just something that you aren't feeling up to doing. I have those days too. 
> 
> Until next time, Snarks


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper comes for a visit. Tony meets some of Steve and Bucky's friends, and there is a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys! You've all been so amazing to me. I'm so happy that I can share this story with you. I don't think there are any added tags this time. I hope you enjoy!

“I bought some blueberries and yogurt,” Pepper said, unpacking the bags of groceries on the counter, “and some granola. Because the number of takeout containers in the trash are telling me you haven’t seen anything healthy in weeks.” 

Tony rolled his eyes, taking a bite of the whole grain breakfast sandwich Pepper had made. “Yes, mom,” he said around the mouthful.

Pepper had arrived two days ago. He’d called her the night of his breakdown in front of Steve and Bucky.

Her immediate reaction had been concern, followed by her insistence to fly out and make sure he was okay. He’d put her up in the guest room, and they’d spent the last two days lounging around the house as Tony recovered his dignity. 

Losing it like that in front of Steve and Bucky had been mortifying, though he’d tried to play it cool with them at the time. He didn’t want them to feel bad about how they handled it. Because, really, they had done a perfect job. You couldn’t have asked for more considerate doms, not just doms, but people. His stomach rolled when he thought of what could have happened in different company. Ty would have taken advantage.

He finished the sandwich just as Pepper was putting away the empty bags. She turned, leaning against the counter, hands on her hips. She had a knowing glint in her eye. “So, are you ready to talk about those two doms who helped you yet? What were their names again? Steve and … Ducky, Clucky, Chucky. I can’t remember.”

Tony wiped his mouth with a napkin, setting it on the plate. “Bucky and I don’t know. It depends on if you’re going to keep making that face about them.”

Her smile widened, and she laughed, shaking her head. “I’m not making a face. I just think that they sound awfully sweet.”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah, I guess, but it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t have embarrassed myself more if I tried. I’m sure they’re glad to get rid of me.”

Pepper sighed, walking over and standing behind Tony, rubbing his shoulders. She pressed a kiss to his hair. “I’m sure that’s not the case.”

“I was pathetic, Pep.” He hung his head, letting himself enjoy the massage. “I remember asking if I’d been bad. It’s like I had a big neon sign saying this sub is fucked up hanging over me. No one wants that.”

Pepper hummed. “I don’t know. Have you tried calling them?”

“No, I didn’t know what to say.”

Pepper dropped her hands from his neck, leaving one on his shoulder. She stepped around to face him. Catching his eye, she said, “Do you like them?”

Tony frowned. Of course, he liked them. What wasn’t there to like? 

“Do I like the two doms who respected my boundaries and didn’t laugh when I acted like a needy sub in front of them? You mean them? I’m fucked up, Pep, but I’m not stupid. I know guys like that don’t come around often.”

“Then call them. I’m sure they’ve been worried about you. I know things with Ty were bad, and I will never forgive myself for not seeing it sooner, but you can’t keep going like this. It’s hurting you. I know you, Tony. Don’t let Ty and Obadiah win.”

Her words sat heavy in his chest because they were true. By not trusting, by not taking care of himself, he was letting Ty and Obadiah still control him. He had to do better. 

Nodding, he thanked her, pressed a kiss to her cheek, and then headed out the back door to call Steve.

His heart beat against his ribs as the phone rang, but it came to a stop when Steve’s voice came over the line. 

“Hello?” Steve asked. 

Tony swallowed dryly and tried to clear his throat. “Hey, uh, Steve. It’s, um, Tony. I thought I should call and tell you that I’m doing better, in case you were, you know, worried or something.”

He cringed at how awkward he’d sounded. 

“I’m glad you’re okay. We haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I hated leaving you like that.”

Tony wet his lips, unsure what to say. “I probably should’ve called sooner. Sorry about that.” He dragged a hand over his mouth. “I thought about what you said, and I mean, if I’m reading things wrong, you can tell me, but I wouldn’t object to getting together again. Maybe without the embarrassing drop.”

“Yeah, that would be great, Tony. We would love that.”

Tony walked over to his tomato garden and poked at the flowers. “Well, then good, that’s settled. When would you like to, you know, meet again?”

“I have a birthday coming up on the fourth if you don’t mind a party. We could keep it casual, and you could meet some of our friends.”

Tony flicked a beetle off a leaf. A party would be less personal, they might not get much alone time, but it also meant he could escape easier if things went south. “Yeah, I guess that sounds good. Are you having it at your house?”

“Yeah, it’s just a small crowd. We’ll have a fire and some beers. I think you’ll have fun. Five-ish sound good to you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I can make that work. Wait, is your birthday really on the fourth of July?”

Steve laughed. “Yep, better than being one of those kids born on Christmas.”

Tony smiled. “I’ll let you go. I’ve got my friend Pepper here for a few days. I need to spend some time with her.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re not alone.”

They exchanged goodbyes, and Tony stuffed the phone back in his pocket. Part of him was terrified, but the other part was relieved the conversation had gone so well. 

Steve hadn’t pitied him or treated him differently, and they’d made plans. It wasn’t a date, but maybe that could be the next step. He wondered what people out here did for fun. If he were in the city, he’d take them out to his favorite restaurant, maybe see a show. He didn’t even think this town had a theatre. 

“Well?” Pepper asked when he returned to the house. His face must have shown more than he thought because before he could answer, Pepper clapped her hands together. “You look absolutely smitten.”

He rolled his eyes. “No one says smitten. Grandmas and old people are the only people allowed to use that word. And I’m not, by the way, smitten, that is, but we made plans. It’s not a date. Maybe a pre-date. I don’t know.” He flopped onto the couch, stretching his arm over the back. “Do I really look smitten?”

She laughed. “I think it’s a good look for you. You look happy.”

Pepper had to leave the next morning, which left Tony one day until Steve’s birthday, not much time to figure out a gift. Maybe he didn’t need to bring one, but gifts were a thing Tony did, even if they didn’t always turn out great. He thought back to the giant stuffed rabbit he’d gotten Pepper and her reaction. He’d do better with Steve. 

The problem was he didn’t know him well. He could count what he knew about them on one hand. That fact gave him a twinge of anxiety, but he brushed it aside. He knew they weren’t bad people. If they’d had ill intentions, they’d have probably handled Tony’s breakdown a lot differently. 

After searching the internet for things to do in the area, he found a local brewery with a tasting room and restaurant. They were normally booked out, but Tony used his name and money to free up their schedule, securing a booking for next week. 

The tasting would come with a dinner for three. He hoped he wasn’t rushing things. If things didn’t go well at the party, Steve and Bucky could still use the reservation. Maybe they could take a friend in his place.

With his gift decided, all he had to do was wait. 

* * *

After stopping and picking up a card, Tony put a note about the reservations inside and signed it, stuffing it in the envelope, then into his back pocket. It was nearly time to leave. 

Checking himself in the mirror again, he sighed and grabbed his keys. He was nervous, but it was a good kind of nervous. He hadn’t felt this way about a date, well non-date, in a while, not since well before Ty, maybe even before Pepper. 

He used to be a playboy, but that was different. If he were only looking to hook up, he wouldn’t be so anxious. It was that Steve and Bucky were everything he wanted that made him nervous. He didn’t want to screw it up. 

When he arrived at Steve and Bucky’s, he parked on the street, as there were already cars taking up the driveway, but it was a quiet side road, so he didn’t think it would be a problem. 

He smelled the smoke from the fire as soon as he got out of the car. Walking into the yard, he saw the firepit with people mingling around. There weren’t many, but it still made him a little uneasy. After his breakdown in front of Steve and Bucky, he’d let Pepper help him, getting his head in a better place, so he shouldn’t have to worry about making a fool of himself tonight, at least. 

Bucky broke away from the man he was talking to when he saw Tony. He smiled, stepping around the grill to meet him. 

“Hey, I’m glad you made it,” Bucky greeted him, clasping his shoulder. “The birthday boy hasn’t shut about seeing you again.”

Tony ducked his head a little. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty happy about it, too.”

He followed Bucky over to the fire, nodding to the few people that were there. Then Bucky’s phone rang, and he told Tony he’d be right back, ducking off to take the call.

A redhead with her arm around a short blond man looked him over, eyes widening before a smile slipped into place. She stepped away from the man she was with, crossing over to Tony. 

“Well, I didn’t believe Steve when he said you were coming, but here you are,” she said, putting out a delicate hand. “I’m Natasha. You don’t know me, but I know you. Your company donated enough to my agency to fund us the rest of the year.”

Tony’s brow furrowed. He’d sent donations to a lot of places. 

Taking her hand, he said, “Tony Stark, but you seem to know that. What agency is it that you run?”

“Shield. I’m the director. We’re a non-profit that helps abused subs escape their doms. We help them get back on their feet. It’s hard work, but rewarding.”

Oh, what were the odds of that? It had been after Ty that Tony had searched out organizations that helped subs in bad situations. He didn’t want others to be trapped like he was, and he’d felt like he needed to do something. Shield had been one of many that he’d donated to. 

Suddenly, he felt exposed. He worried she could see the damage beneath the surface. Did someone like her that dealt with this every day have the ability to see through his bullshit? Could she see the damage under the surface?

He was saved from wondering by Steve coming across the yard from the house, carrying a tray of burgers, heading to the grill. 

“Tony!” he called, his face split in a grin. 

He passed the tray of meat off to a tall and crazily muscled blond, who had his long hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. The man looked like a god. What was in the water here? Everyone was ridiculously attractive. 

Steve rested on hand against Tony’s lower back, motioning to Natasha. “I see you’ve met Natasha. Did Bucky introduce you to anyone else?”

Bucky turned, putting his phone away, wincing a little. “Sorry, I was getting there.”

Tony waved him off. “It’s fine.”

Steve called out to the short-haired blond. “Clint, come meet Tony.”

The man came over, his hair sticking up in every direction. He had a beer in one hand and a dog leash clipped to his belt loop, dragging on the ground. There was a band-aid on his forehead. 

He extended a hand to Tony and said, “No shit, I thought Bucky was pulling my leg about you. Well, it’s nice to finally meet you. Those two idiots haven’t shut up about you.”

Tony felt his cheeks pink a little. “Only good things, I hope.”

Clint took a sip of his beer, and then out of nowhere, a one-eyed golden retriever came bounding over from the backyard, going straight to Tony, sniffing him all over. 

“He smells something on you, cat maybe? He goes crazy for cats.”

Tony put out a hand for the dog to sniff. “Yeah, the house I moved into came with a cat. I’m not sure who owns who, though.”

Clint laughed. “Isn’t that the way? This guy here is Lucky. He’s my little buddy.”

Natasha put her arm around Clint. “And this is my disaster of a better half.”

Clint pecked her lips. “Love you, too, babe.”

Steve nodded to the grill, where the blond god and a mousy looking man with glasses were tending the grill. “The big guy is Thor, and next to him is Bruce. They’re married, too.”

Thor and Bruce must have heard him because they turned and smiled, offering small waves. 

Bucky walked up beside Steve and Tony with two beers, passing one to Tony. “Thor and Clint work for us at the store. Bruce is a veterinarian at the wildlife rescue, though he’s been known to stitch us up in the past, even though he says he isn’t that kind of doctor.”

Bruce yelled over his shoulder. “That’s because I’m not.”

They all laughed and mingled for a while, eating burgers and drinking beer. Tony talked to Bruce about the rescue, and he talked to Clint and Thor about what it’s like to work for Steve and Bucky. He and Natasha talked about Shield, and he vowed to himself to make sure another large donation found its way to them. 

There weren’t any fireworks, and Tony thought that might have something to do with Steve and Bucky being veterans. 

Around midnight, the last person left, leaving Steve, Bucky, and Tony alone at the fire. 

The party had gone better than Tony could have expected, and he’d enjoyed meeting their friends, but now he found himself a little unsure about what was next. Then he remembered the card that had been in his back pocket all night, and he pulled it out. It was a little bent from sitting on it. 

He passed it to Steve.

Steve's eyebrows went up, and he smiled. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s not much. I would have given it to you sooner, but I wanted us to be alone. Go on, open it.”

Steve took it, smiling at it for a second before tearing the envelope and pulling it out. Tony's insides went soft and warm at the expression on Steve’s face as he read it. Steve closed the card and looked at Tony. “We’d love to go with you.”

“Go where?” Bucky asked.

Steve touched the card, then tucked it beside his leg. He looked at Bucky with a big dopey grin that just melted Tony to the core. “Reservations for three at the beer gardens.” He looked at Tony. “I can call it a date, right?”

Tony nodded quickly. “Yeah, I mean, if you guys want it to be. We don’t have to call it a date. I just thought—”

Steve cut him off. “No, it's perfect. I want it to be a date.”

“Yeah, Tony, we’ve been thinking about taking you out for a while now. When you didn’t call right away after what happened, we thought we might have blown our chance.”

Tony’s face twisted in confusion. “Why would you think that you’d blown your chance. I’m the one that messed up. I shouldn’t have put you two in that position.”

“I hope you’re not trying to blame yourself.” Steve frowned. 

“Yeah, doll,” Bucky said, eyes soft. “Maybe it wasn’t ideal, but it happened, and we don’t think any less of you, though I am curious why you weren’t seeing a dom.”

And even though Tony knew they might ask, he hadn’t prepared an answer. 

How did you tell someone that you’d been so weak you let another person break you down? That you couldn’t go down anymore, at least to a good headspace. 

The truth was, Tony was still figuring out how to be whole again, and part of that was learning to trust again. At least Steve and Bucky were good people, good doms. He wanted to believe they wouldn’t reject him for being tainted goods, but the doubt was there, a little traitorous voice in the back of his head telling him that no one would want a sub like him, a sub that had been so broken he couldn’t even go down right anymore. 

Tony didn’t know what to say, but the silence was weighted, and the longer it went on, the more he struggled to find the words to start.

Steve cleared his throat. “You don’t need to tell us. It’s fine.” His voice cut through Tony’s thoughts. It was a reassurance and lifeline rolled into one. 

Tony stared at the flickering flames of the dying fire and tried to find the words. “My last relationship was … not good. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m a mess.”

He didn’t chance a look at either of them. He felt ashamed for what had happened to him, even though logically, reasonably, he knew it wasn’t his fault. He’d been a victim, but he was also Tony Stark, and Starks had iron in their bones, and they didn’t let those kinds of things happen. But the painful truth was, he had. Ty had shaken him to his core. 

After a minute, Steve broke the silence. “How long were you two together?”

Tony wondered if that was what he really wanted to know. It seemed like there were better questions. Tony kicked the dirt with his foot. “Long enough, nearly two years. He’s in jail now, along with my godfather. They conspired together.” He sighed, dragging a hand over his mouth “How stupid was I not to see it?”

His eyes started to grow damp, but if anyone noticed, he’d blame it on the smoke from the fire. 

Bucky leaned forward in his chair, turning a little toward Tony. “It sounds like it was a bad situation, and you know, sometimes it’s hard to see things for what they are in the moment. That’s nothing on you.”

Tony shook his head. “I don’t know how to talk about this, about what happened. I—did you know I donated to Shield? It’s crazy the director is your friend.”

Donating to Shield had been therapeutic, and he didn’t think the fact Tony had donated to an organization for abused subs was lost on the doms. 

“Natasha is good people,” Steve said after a beat. “I’m sure the money went to help those that needed it. You’re a good person for doing that.” 

“Yeah, maybe, though it doesn’t feel like it all the time. I know I’m a hot mess, such a mess.” He shook his head. “I should tell you to run. Because the truth is, I’m really not a good sub, but I'm a selfish bastard, and I can’t help wanting you. I want to try this thing between us.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with being selfish,” Steve reassured. “If anything, we’re being selfish, too.”

Tony nodded, watching the fire. “Things aren’t going to be easy.” He felt like they should know what they were signing up for. “I don’t know if I can be good. I don’t know if I can go down for someone again. I like this, us here together like this, but I don’t know if I can be your sub. I just don’t know.”

He frowned, looking down at his hands. They shouldn’t want him, not knowing how broken he was, but he hoped they did because he wanted them badly. They made him laugh, made him feel safe. He knew he was selfish, but he wanted this like he needed air. 

“Tony,” Bucky started. “Hey, look at me for a second.”

He turned to Bucky, meeting his eyes and struggling not to squirm under his intense gaze. He wasn’t great at reading people, so he had trouble deciphering Bucky’s expression, but his eyes were soft, and that reassured Tony. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Bucky said with a small smile. “We don’t have to rush into anything. We can take this slow, and I’m not going to push. We’ll take whatever you give, nothing more. But, Tony, I got to disagree with one thing. You aren’t bad. A mess? Maybe, but not bad, not for a second. What your last dom did.” He paused to shake his head. “I wish I could spend just two minutes with him.”

Bucky sounded so serious that Tony wanted to believe him. No one else said anything for a while, but at some point, Steve slid his hand into Tony’s, threading their fingers together. It felt good, right, in a way nothing else had in a while. The fire died down until it finally went out, and it was late, or really early, depending on how you looked at it. 

Steve and Tony untangled their fingers and got up from the chairs. Bucky went and doused the coals with the hose. Then Bucky came up behind Tony and slipped his arm around his waist, pulling him close. Tony melted into the touch. 

Steve stood in front of Tony, the moon bright behind him. 

And in that moment, Tony wanted. He wanted them in whatever way he could have them, but he knew they should wait to do too much, at least until after their date, but looking at Bucky, he wanted to touch his lips.

They meant more to him than a casual hookup, and he hoped that maybe he meant more to them, too. 

Maybe they weren’t ready for more, but a kiss? He thought that was something they could do. 

Tony turned to Bucky, gaze falling to lips and then to his eyes. “Is the part where we kiss?”

“It is if you want it to be,” Bucky replied, voice low.

Tony’s heart thudded in his chest. He could feel the heat of Bucky’s body against his own, and he wanted more. He needed to touch him, to feel him, to taste him.

He wet his lips. “I want that a lot, I think.”

He glanced at Steve for something, permission maybe, and Steve reached out and touched his cheek, cupping it, then sliding his thumb over Tony’s lips. “Go ahead, then, kiss him.”

He let his hand fall from Tony’s face, and then Bucky took his chin and guided him into a kiss. 

Their lips pressed together, then Tony parted his lips at the same time Bucky did, and their tongues touched, and it felt like electricity dancing over his skin. It had been so long since he’d been kissed like this. Thankfully it wasn’t something you forgot how to do. 

His eyes fell closed, and his head tilted to the side as their mouths slotted together. Bucky was careful and a little hesitant, like he was afraid of pushing too far. Or maybe it was just in Tony’s head that he was holding back. It didn’t matter either way because it felt amazing. 

It was a heady feeling kissing Bucky. It was everything he expected and not at the same time. Bucky didn’t take. He waited and accepted and let Tony lead. Bucky’s metal hand gripped Tony’s hip, grounding him, keeping him from floating away. 

His blood began to rush south, and he had to fight the urge to rut into Bucky like a horny teenager. 

Bucky nipped his bottom lip. Then they broke apart, panting. His head was spinning, and he felt lighter than he had in a while. He felt good. He kept a hand on Bucky’s arm, afraid to let go. He didn’t want this to end. He needed it to last. 

Then Steve stepped forward until his chest was nearly touching Tony’s, and without a word, he touched Tony’s bottom lip again with his thumb, tugging it down, then bent to bring their lips together.

Tony clutched at Steve’s shirt, rising up on his toes to meet him. He could feel Bucky beside him, breathing heavily. 

Steve was a more confident kisser than Bucky, and there was no doubt he was a dom in the way he guided the kiss. Tony felt himself release the reins and give himself over. Steve explored his mouth, and when they broke apart, they were both panting. His lips tingled from the kiss. 

The three of them stood under the moonlight, not saying a word, just breathing the same air. 

Everything about this should terrify Tony, he was risking it all again, but it felt so right. He didn’t want the moment to end. They all clicked together so well. His worries from earlier had been eased away. He felt wanted, cared for, and it felt good.

When Tony went home that night and crawled into bed, he thought about the moment they’d shared and smiled. 

That night, he didn’t dream about Ty. 

Nightmares didn’t plague him. 

Instead, he dreamt about Steve and Bucky and their bodies pressed together, sharing their heat, their touch. He dreamt about submitting, and it wasn’t the dark thing that he was used to. No, this was soft—soft and warm and safe. 

When he woke up the next morning, the feelings of safety and warmth lingered for a moment, and he smiled to himself. He still couldn’t believe they’d want him, but he was so happy they did. 

It would have been easy to deny himself, to hide away, and never find happiness again, but that would be letting Ty and every other bad dom out there win. There was still potential for things to go wrong, but he had hope, and he wasn't letting it go. They’d given him that gift. 

He couldn’t wait until he saw them again.

He giggled to himself as he got out of bed. Pepper was right, like that was ever in question. He was falling for them—he was a smitten fool. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited that they are finally getting there. We're making progress! Thanks for reading guys! Until next time -snarks


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky talk. Bucky has some insecurities, and they await their date with Tony. Bucky needs to feel something, and Steve acts as his dom. There are tears, but it's cathartic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a tricky one for me. I had to start over once, but I think what I have is good, at least I hope it is. You can let me know. Thank you guys so much. You all mean so much to me. 
> 
> Heads up, there are a few new tags, nothing big. Some spanking and safeword use. But it's really nothing too bad, at least I don't think. Bucky does cry though. That's a thing.

The summer heat was oppressing, and Steve couldn’t wait to get home. It was more the humidity than anything. The air could be cut with a knife. And to make things worse, the AC in the store had gone down again, and they couldn’t get anyone out to repair it, so the last few hours at work had been hell. Hopefully, they could get it repaired soon. 

It was a little after six when Steve pulled into the driveway. Bucky had gone home earlier in the day because his shoulder was acting up. The heat tended to make the join between the metal and flesh irritated. Steve had seen him struggling in the back room, rubbing the joint, and had sent him home to rest. They at least had a working AC at home. 

Shutting off the truck, Steve grabbed the pizza he’d picked up on the way home and headed inside. 

The cool air of the house felt like heaven when he walked in. Tossing his keys in the dish by the door, he called out to Bucky to tell him he was home. 

“I’m in here.” Bucky’s voice drifted from the living room. 

Kicking off his shoes, he wandered deeper into the house, carrying the pizza.

He found Bucky shirtless, sprawled out on the couch, his feet on the coffee table, and one of his favorite reality TV shows playing in the background. The curtains were all closed, blocking most of the light and heat of the sun. 

The skin around Bucky’s prosthetic looked angry and the scar tissue a little swollen, but his face wasn’t etched with pain like it had been at the store, so Steve thought he must be feeling better. 

He set the pizza on the table and plopped down next to Bucky. The AC vents were aimed at the couch, so there was a steady breeze of cold air blowing over them. 

Neither of them spoke for a while until Bucky sat up to grab a slice of pizza. “Was it busy after I left?”

Steve rolled his head to look at Bucky. “It was fine. Tuesday’s are always quiet.”

Bucky nodded. “Only a few more days till our date.”

Steve hummed to himself. “Yeah, I’m excited but nervous, you know? I liked how things ended on my birthday.”

“You and me both.” Bucky chewed thoughtfully. “I had a thought.”

“Ouch, must have been painful for you.”

Bucky kicked Steve’s leg. “I’m serious. I was thinking about Tony, and what we know, or well, don’t.”

Steve’s brows knit together. “You mean about his last dom?”

Bucky tipped his head back and forth. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, what do we really know about stuff like that? I don’t want to fuck things up by doing the wrong thing.”

“So, what are you suggesting?”

Bucky took a bite of his pizza with a shrug. “Not really sure, but maybe we should talk to Nat, not tell her anything, really, but get an idea of things we should know, look out for. Or would that be weird?”

Steve sighed, tossing up a hand. “I don’t know if it’s weird, but it feels a little wrong to talk to Nat about it. What if she figures it out? I don’t want to betray Tony’s trust.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but maybe we should check out Shield’s website. I just don’t want to hurt him, you know? It seems like he’s been through enough without us screwing things up.”

Steve looked at Bucky. “We’re not going to screw up, or maybe we will, but I think Tony will understand.”

Bucky’s gaze turned to the window, and he frowned. “He still doesn’t know what happened to me. He thinks I’m a dom. I know he does. What if he finds out how I got this”—he raised his metal hand—“and can’t do it—can’t be around me. What if I’m not enough of a dom for him?” 

When he looked at Steve again, he seemed so young and vulnerable, so unsure. Steve just wanted to reassure him and make it better, take away his pain, but there was no easy fix. It was such a foreign thing to see Bucky like this now. He used to be so confident, so sure of himself. There was never any doubt he was a dom. Post-Afghanistan Bucky had taken time to get used to. 

“Hey, none of that,” Steve turned and reached over, taking Bucky’s hand. “There’s nothing wrong with you. This is a non-issue. Tony isn’t the type of guy to do that. Do you really think he’d be that shallow?”

Bucky frowned, touching where the prosthetic joined his flesh. “Yeah, maybe. I’m still worried, though. This isn’t—it’s not something people want to think about or see.”

Even though Steve had killed the men who’d taken Bucky himself, seeing Bucky like this made him want to go back and do it all over again, drag it out and make them really pay. It was easy to forget sometimes how much Bucky had lost, how much he’d been through. 

“You ever think Tony might feel the same?” Steve said, squeezing Bucky’s hand. “I’m sure he’s got some pretty big hangups, too.”

Bucky nodded, lifting his eyes to meet Steve’s gaze. “We should make sure he knows—knows that he’s good enough. He thinks he’s broken, a bad sub, and I just—I think I get that, even without knowing the details. I get not feeling good about yourself.”

Steve nodded lightly. “Okay, we will. I think we need to take things slow. Not just for Tony, but for all of us—for you. I worry about you, Buck.”

Bucky gave him a weak smile, shaking his head. “Ain’t nothing to worry about. I can handle it.”

Steve wished he could believe Bucky, but the shadows in his eyes betrayed him. Steve couldn’t argue with him, though, so he just nodded and agreed. This wasn’t Steve’s first rodeo. He knew when to push and when to retreat. Nothing good would come from fighting. Sometimes Steve needed to let things go. That was something he learned in the early days of Bucky’s recovery.

That night, after they’d fallen asleep, Steve was woken by the sounds of Bucky whimpering beside him. He blinked the sleep out from his eyes, turning on the bedside light, casting a warm glow to the room. Bucky was twisted in the sheets, a sheen of sweat visible on his chest.

Nightmare, then. 

Keeping a hand on Bucky’s left wrist, he leaned in and called Bucky’s name. “Wake up, Buck. It’s just a dream.”

Bucky tensed, nearly yanking his arm from Steve, but then his eyes opened and looked at him, panting as he tried to catch his breath. Steve could see the whites of his eyes. “Shit. Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s fine. We both get them. You all right, though?”

Bucky’s throat bobbed a few times as he swallowed. Then he nodded his head, ripping the sheet off himself and climbing out of bed. Steve watched him, his heart aching, as he left the room. 

As much as Steve wanted to hold him, sometimes Bucky needed a minute alone after a nightmare, and he had to respect that. Steve flopped back down onto his pillow and pressed a palm to the empty space beside him. He hoped this wasn’t the start of something more. 

Taking on a third partner, opening their relationship, was a big change and an even bigger gamble. He knew Bucky wanted it as much as he did, but he worried if all the new changes might be a little difficult for Bucky, even if he did want it. Steve knew he struggled with what Hydra had done to him, turning him into a switch. Steve loved him no matter his designation, but Bucky had struggled with it, something that pained Steve to see. 

Bucky didn’t come back to bed that night.

Steve found him on the couch in the morning, the TV still playing in the background. His hair was down, the strands knotted, and his mouth hung open a little. He looked exhausted. Not wanting to wake him, Steve scratched out a note, telling him to take the day off, and then went to work. 

* * *

Bucky woke up stiff, his shoulder aching. The TV was on, and the AC hummed in the background. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and he shivered. 

Scratching at his head, his metal fingers got caught in the knotted strands. The sun coming in the windows told him it was late morning at least, which meant Steve didn’t wake him for work. 

His eyes fell to the note on the table. Picking it up, he read it and sighed. He tossed it back down and rolled his shoulders, trying to free the knots. He needed a hot shower and some food. 

As he showered, his mind drifted to the dream he’d had the night before. It had been one he’d had many times, one that always left him shaking, maybe because it wasn’t a dream. It was a memory. 

The little sensations were always so sharp in his mind, like how the grains of sand scratched his teeth when he moved his tongue, blood filling his mouth. He remembered lying on the ground after the IED had gone off, smelling the fuel that was spilling from the burning truck. He didn’t remember the pain as much as he thought he should, though.

Then there was the building he was kept in. Hydra. So many nights he dreamt about the chair they’d kept him strapped in as they broke him down, and he became something else. He remembered the fear and shame. He remembered praying, begging God to not let Steve find him like that. 

He should have known, though, that Steve would never give up on him. He’d kept looking, and he did find him, but instead of pitying him, Steve picked him up, tended to him, and helped him make peace. Steve was always the better of the two of them, anyway. 

And he’d gotten better, quite a bit since coming home, but the prospect of telling his story to another, to including Tony in how fucked up he was, that scared him a little. It was clear Tony thought he was a dom, and what if he wasn’t okay with a switch? What if he couldn’t be dominant enough to please him? It was unnatural what had been done to Bucky. Tony had every right to be turned off. 

But then he thought of Tony and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, and he remembered how kind he was and how good it felt to touch him, and he wanted more. He needed it. He just wished his head wasn’t so screwed up some days. But Steve had told him that recovery wasn’t linear, and he was learning it truly wasn’t. 

He wanted this, though. He wanted Tony and Steve in his life. He wanted to try. 

Finishing his shower, he pulled on some clothes and faced the day. 

By the time Steve came home that night, Bucky was a little better, but he still felt wrong, off in a way he’d come to recognize as needing his dom. He needed to let go and let Steve be in charge. He wanted to feel something, so his head would stop working, and he could just float. There was too much inside of him, and he couldn’t make sense of it without help. 

He needed Steve. 

But asking to be taken down didn’t come easily to Bucky. He sat beside Steve on the couch after dinner and chewed his lip, his throat dry. 

Steve glanced at him, maybe sensing his unease. His sharp eyes searched Bucky’s face, a little line between his brows. “You okay, Buck?”

Bucky cleared his throat, licked his lips, then moved to his knees in front of Steve, hoping the gesture said enough because he didn’t know how to put into words what he needed. 

Steve brushed his knuckles over Bucky’s cheek. “Hey, bad day?”

Bucky nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor. A single word fell from his lips, “Please.”

“Okay, Buck, okay,” Steve breathed, then turned serious. “I’ll take care of you. What do you need most?”

Bucky frowned, feeling a tiny touch of shame for wanting what he did. “I need you. I can’t think. I don’t want to think. I need something to drown out the pain.”

Steve breathed, his shoulders squaring a little. He hooked a finger under Bucky’s chin, lifting his head. “Look at me, Buck. I want to see your eyes.”

Bucky blinked up at him. 

“That’s a boy,” Steve said, still too soft for Bucky. “This is what we’re going to do. I think I know what you need, and I’ll make sure you get it, but I’ll be checking in. I don’t like pushing you too far.”

Bucky didn’t always need a soft touch, and sometimes, going down for him was a rocky road. Bucky already had an idea of the things Steve might be planning, just from what he said. Anytime they used pain to bring him down, even spanking, there was a risk to Bucky. Hydra had mainly used pain. And for as much as Bucky hated that he liked it, it usually left him feeling lighter after. If done right, the pain felt good. It was just a tricky line to walk. 

Steve ran his thumb over Bucky’s bottom lip. “When I say go, you’re going to get up and go to our room, strip out of your clothes, fold them and place them on the dresser. Shut the door. Then I want you to wait for me on your knees. You’ll get to choose between the paddle or my hand. That sound fair?”

Bucky sucked in a breath, nodding a few times quickly. “Yes, yes, sir.”

Steve dropped his hand from Bucky’s chin. “Go, I’ll follow you in a minute.”

Bucky got to his feet and took off toward their bedroom, shutting the door behind him. His hands shook as he stripped out of his clothes, pausing to fold each item and set it on the dresser. By the time he was done, the anticipation was making him squirm. It had been a long time since Steve indulged him and was willing to spank him. 

Bucky kneeled on the floor by the bed, his hands behind his back and head bowed. Even with the AC running, the air was warm. Bucky tried to center himself, taking slow, deliberate breaths. Every time Afghanistan pushed back to the surface, he thought of Steve and what his hand would feel like coming down on his ass. 

Somewhere along the line, Bucky lost track of time, though the electric feeling of what was to come still danced on his skin. 

Finally, the door opened, and the air shifted in the room. Then the door clicked shut again. Bucky pressed his lips together but didn’t dare lift his eyes to look at Steve. 

Soft footsteps made their way across the room, and Steve’s socked feet came into view. He was wearing his work pants still. The hem was stained dark from where it brushed against the floor in the shop. Something about Steve still being dressed and Bucky being naked and exposed almost made him shiver. 

Steve just stood there, presumably looking at him, studying him like he was art in a museum. “Do you want the paddle or my hand?”

Bucky thought of which he’d prefer. He’d feel the paddle more, but there was something intimate about Steve’s hand, a closeness you couldn’t get any other way. 

“Your hand.”

Then Steve stepped away, and the bed creaked as he sat.

“Stand up, then lay yourself over my lap. You can use your hands for balance.”

Bucky scrambled to his feet, noticing that he’d guessed right. Steve was still in his work clothes. It made Bucky feel unbalanced in the best way, which was such a new feeling for him. If you’d told him before the war that he’d want to be dominated, he’d have laughed in your face. Oh, how things change. 

Bucky walked over to Steve and started to lay himself over Steve’s legs, who spread his a little to give Bucky more support. Bucky grabbed the bed with one hand and touched the floor with the other, his ass on display. 

Steve seemed to appreciate the view as he slid a hand up Bucky’s thigh and over the curve of his ass and back down again. “How many do you think you need, Buck?”

Bucky sucked in a breath. “I don’t know. I just—make it stop. I need to stop thinking about everything for a little bit. I know you’re worried, but I need it, Steve.”

Steve smoothed his hand over his ass again. “Okay, we’ll start with ten to warm you up. You don’t need to count them unless you want.”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s leg and braced himself. “I’m ready.”

Steve didn’t give him any more warning, bringing his hand down on Bucky’s ass cheek, sending a jolt through him. It was quickly followed by a few more hits, and Bucky felt the burn building, aching in the best way. 

Bucky was just getting into it when the last strike hit. 

Steve rubbed his reddened flesh. “Color, Buck. How are you doing?”

Bucky’s lungs stuttered, but he managed to catch his breath. “Good, green. Really green. I can take more.”

“Okay, I’m going for twenty this time, a little harder.”

Bucky dropped his head as the next hit landed, stinging his ass. Then another and another fell. Sometimes Steve hit over his cheeks, and other times, he hit over his thighs. He could only imagine the red blossoming on his flesh. 

By the time the tenth hit landed, Bucky was panting, and his ass and thighs burned. He wasn’t thinking about Hydra or the chair or his arm. The world had narrowed down to a point that was Steve and everything he was giving him. His chest ached with the love he had for him. The man had stuck with him through so much.

The tricky feeling of not being enough started to creep back in, the worries returning with it, and despite the steady thwack of Steve’s hand against his flesh, his mind kept working. 

He didn’t feel like enough of a dom to claim the title, and he wasn’t much of a sub either. He worried if he would never be enough for Tony and wondered if he was enough for Steve. 

His throat started to get thick, and it was hard to swallow. He didn’t feel like he deserved that amount of love, but he’d never argue it with Steve. Tears burned his eyes, and he squeezed them shut. 

“Color?”

Bucky had to think for a moment. Breathing raggedly, he stuttered, “Green,” though he wasn’t sure.

Steve rubbed his aching flesh. “Try to think, Buck. I won’t risk hurting you. Are you sure?”

Something about how tender Steve sounded made the tears break free, and he choked on a sob. He kept his eyes shut, trying to will away the tears. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying. Everything just felt so overwhelming, like he was a live wire, snapping around on the ground.

“Yellow, no red. I can’t—it’s not you. I just—” The tears were falling in earnest now, and he was choking on his words. 

Steve’s hands were on him, guiding him up and onto the bed, then pulling him down onto him. Bucky curled around Steve’s middle, burying his face in his stomach, clinging to his shirt, and he cried, shaking and snotting, truly ugly tears, and Steve just held him, his anchor in the storm. 

“You did just what I wanted, Buck. You told me when you had to stop.” Steve held him tightly, rocking him. “You did so well. It’s okay, sweetheart.”

Bucky’s chest heaved. “Don’t let me go.”

If he didn’t have Steve to tether him, he would be lost.

“Never.” Steve’s voice was gentle yet firm. “I’ll never let you go, Buck. You’re mine. Like we always promised. ‘Til the end of the line.” 

Bucky started to regain some control, but he kept himself pressed against Steve. With each stuttered breath, he felt a little more centered. This definitely hadn’t gone how he wanted, but he was still glad they’d done it. 

Slowly, he let Steve go and sat up next to him, keeping his side pressed to Steve. 

Steve put an arm around him, sliding his hand up and down Bucky’s back. “I think we should talk about it, whatever it was that set you off.”

Bucky wiped his eyes on his hand, sniffling. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. I just—it wasn’t bad at first. I felt good, but then I guess some doubts started creeping in. It just came out of nowhere. I’m sorry.”

Lines of worry etched Steve’s face. “What doubts?”

Bucky looked at the floor. “I don’t know, a little of everything, stuff that had been piling up. I had that nightmare last night, and we have that date with Tony coming up, and I’ve been so worried that I’m not enough in so many ways. I guess I got overwhelmed.”

Steve let out a careful breath. “Do you think this helped, or did it make things worse?”

Bucky looked at Steve. “Helped—it definitely helped. I know things went a little sideways, but it helped. I feel lighter.”

Steve nodded, but the frown was still there. “Okay.”

For the rest of the night, Steve stayed close to Bucky, never letting him out of his sight. He filled the bath for him and sat beside the tub, rubbing the tension out of Bucky’s muscles, and after, he smoothed cream over any inflammation that was left on his ass and thighs. 

Steve was tender and careful like he thought Bucky might break. It should have bothered him to be coddled, but it didn’t. Bucky knew it was born of love. He never doubted how much Steve loved him, even if he didn’t always feel deserving of it. 

Adding Tony to their relationship was going to be a big change, but it might be good for both of them. He hoped it would be good for Tony.

They both still needed to look over Shield’s website. From what they could tell, it had been a while since Tony had a proper dom, and maybe even longer since he’d gone down in a good way. Any help or advice they could get on making it easier on him would be appreciated. 

That night, Bucky let Steve curl around him. The aftercare had been just as important for Steve as it was for Bucky. He needed to be reassured that there wasn’t lasting damage. What had happened couldn’t have been predicted, and it wasn’t Steve’s fault any more than it was his own. 

Bucky fell asleep to Steve’s soft snores, feeling safe and loved, something he wanted to share with Tony, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we didn't make it to the date yet. I'm sorry for the detour down this Bucky centric chapter. It just happened. Next chapter we should be back on track though.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony talks to Rhodey, and then he visits Steve at their store. He repairs their AC, and they have their date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kicked my butt! A huge thanks to QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds for the help bouncing around ideas.

“Ha! Take that, Rhodey!” Tony grinned as he aimed the camera on his phone at the baby tomato growing on his plant.

His friend had never thought he would be able to nurture something enough for it to be fruitful, which given his history with plants, was understandable. He’d had a cactus in his lab that he’d forgotten about for months until Rhodey found the shriveled remains during a visit. He’d laughed and told Tony it was probably a good thing he’d never had kids.

He snapped a picture of the little green ball and sent it to Rhodey with no context, then sent it to Pepper, too. Maybe Rhodey would call him later. He needed to talk to his friend at some point. He didn’t even know that he was in Vermont. He’d been in DC during the last, and worst, months of his relationship with Ty.

Tony wasn’t sure how Rhodey would respond to news of him dating Steve and Bucky. Tony liked to think he’d be happy for him, but he’d probably want to run a background check because he was over the top like that sometimes. It didn’t bother Tony, though. He knew that Rhodey was only protective because he cared. They’d been best friends since college, and they’ve always watched out for each other. Tony knew Rhodey saw it as a failure that he hadn’t seen through Ty sooner.

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out, looking at the screen. There was a message from Rhodey.

 _What the fuck is that?_ Then a second later. _Where are you?_

Tony grinned, tapping out a reply. _It’s my child. Show some respect._

Three dots appeared. Rhodey was typing. _Your child looks like a weed and not the fun kind. I have a meeting. Call me tomorrow._

Tony scrunched his nose as he replied. _Can’t, I have a date, but I’ll call you Saturday._

A second later, his phone rang, a picture of a platypus on the screen. Tony chewed his lip for a second as he considered sending the call to voicemail, but then he knew that Rhodey might track his phone and come find him. It was better to deal with him now than later.

He swiped his thumb over the screen and brought it to his ear. “Hey, honey bear. I thought you had a meeting.”

“The meeting can wait. Since when are you ready to date again? Is it someone I know?”

Tony twisted his mouth. “Eh, you definitely don’t know them. I met them here a few weeks ago.”

“And where’s here, Tony?”

“Vermont.” He walked over to the chair he’d set up near the garden and sat down. “You remember that place I inherited from my uncle. It was Pepper’s idea,” he added because it seemed important. He didn’t want Rhodey to think he had taken off to hide, even though he was hiding, in a way, or maybe he should just call it recuperating. He supposed it didn’t really matter. The important part was this wasn’t him running away from his problems. This was him taking time to heal.

“Vermont,” Rhodey repeated slowly. “I want you to be happy, man, but I want you safe, too. Is this new interest a dom? Because you can probably guess my feelings on that.”

Tony grimaced. He really didn’t want to get into this right now, but it was too late to backtrack. “Yes, and it’s _interests_. They’re a set, actually. As in, there’s two of them—two doms. They’re good people, though, Rhodey. You know I wouldn’t risk it if they weren’t.”

Rhodey sighed into the phone. “You’re a grown man, Tony. I’m not going to stand in your way of happiness but be careful. Even if they are the best people on earth, you could still get hurt. What Ty did to you, that leaves scars, man.”

Tony frowned, ripping some grass from the ground beside him. “I know it does, but I like them, Rhodey. I like them a lot. We, uh, kissed the other night. It was good. They’re really something else.”

Rhodey groaned, and Tony could just picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t really like it, Tones, but you sound pretty gone on the idea, so who am I to judge? Oh, wait, just your best friend.”

“Whatever, I don’t want to argue about it. I’m an adult, and I can decide who I want to see. I know I fucked up with Ty, you don’t need to remind me, but that doesn't mean I should hide. I have to get back out there sometime. It might as well be now.”

“Yeah, all right, man. I’ll keep my opinion to myself for now, but you better bet I want to meet them if it starts looking serious.”

“If things get serious, there’s a shovel in my shed to go along with the talk.”

Rhodey laughed, then cursed. “Shit, I’ve got to run. I’ve got an angry senator heading my way. Call me Saturday and tell me all about how it goes.”

The call disconnected, and Tony stuffed the phone back in his pocket.

Asshole was lounging on the cat tree when he got back inside. Tony walked over to him and slowly reached out to pet him. He never knew how the cat would respond. Sometimes it loved him, and other times, it hated him. The cat just closed its eyes and butted its head into Tony’s hand, purring loudly.

Thinking of the cat, he wanted to stop in town and get some catnip seeds. He assumed the hardware store would have some. They carried a little of everything and had a fair-sized gardening section. He needed more fertilizer for his tomatoes, too.

Checking his watch, he saw it was still before noon, so he had plenty of time to make it to the store. Grabbing his keys, he headed out to the car.

The parking lot was fairly empty when Tony pulled in, parking near the front of the store. As he walked to the door, he noticed that it was propped open and a large fan was blowing inside. He stepped around the extension cord for the fan and made his way in, hoping he’d get a chance to see Bucky or Steve.

He didn’t need to wait long. Steve stepped out from one of the aisles, looking sweaty and tired, though he brightened when he saw Tony.

“Hey.” Steve dusted off his hands on his jeans. His lips pulled into a smile. “This a social visit, or are you looking for something special?”

Tony normally might have taken the chance to flirt, as Steve’s shirt was clinging to him. It had to be two sizes too small, and it looked wet in places from sweat. Come to think of it, the air in the store was stuffy and hot, barely moving outside the little the fan blew, not like he remembered it being before. 

“Just need some gardening supplies.” Tony looked around for the vents. He couldn’t hear the hum of an AC. “I remember it being a lot cooler last time I was here. Trying to save on the bills?”

Steve sagged a little. “Yeah, sorry about that. I can help you find your gardening supplies, but I’m afraid I can’t do much for the temp. The AC is finicky on the best of days, and right now, it’s refusing to kick on. I can’t find anyone to repair it until next week.”

Tony tilted his head to the side, his mind already racing ahead. “I can take a look. I’ve got degrees in engineering. I’m sure I can figure out an AC.”

Steve shook his head. “I couldn’t ask you that. That’s—it’s just too much.”

Tony shrugged, then smirked. “You can repay me at a later date. I’m sure I can think of something.” And then he winked just to be cheesy. 

A blush spread over Steve’s cheeks and his ears pinked. “Oh, um, that’s—”

Tony laughed, shaking his head. “Relax, just let me help you out. It’s what friends do, right?”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, and Tony could see he was struggling with the decision. Then he dropped his hand and nodded. “Yeah, all right. Not having AC has meant Bucky can’t work, so this would help both of us.”

Tony frowned. “Why can’t he work?”

“It’s the heat. It irritates the arm, or well, where the arm attaches. Cold does the same thing, really.” 

This was the first Tony had heard of an issue like that, and he wanted to know more. He wasn’t sure what he could do about it, but he wanted to do something. 

“Did he tell them at the check-ups? Because it never made it to me.”

“Yeah, he’s brought it up, but I guess it’s to be expected. I don’t think there is anything that can be done. I think for Buck, the benefits outweigh the issues.”

Tony wanted to talk to the prosthetic program leads and make sure there was nothing he could do. It was a little frustrating as it wasn’t the type of problem he could easily remedy. If it was just where the arm attached to flesh, there might be nothing to fix. Had it been a performance issue or something else, Tony would have been able to troubleshoot the problem. 

Filing away his concerns, he turned to Steve and let the man lead him to the AC unit. 

It was behind the building, and Tony immediately grimaced. It had definitely seen better days. The top looked dented, like someone had beaten it with a wrench. 

“What happened there?” Tony motioned to the damage. 

“Oh,” Steve rubbed his neck again. “That would be Thor’s doing. He likes to think he can fix anything by hitting it with a hammer.”

“Ah,” Tony said, looking around the unit for any outward problems. “You got any tools?”

Steve huffed a laugh. “It’s a hardware store. What do you need?”

A few hours and some elbow grease later, the AC was humming like new. Tony rocked back on his heels and smiled at the unit. It had been a combination of dirty coils and a faulty thermostat, two things that were easily fixed. 

Picking up the tools, he carried them inside. The store was a little busier than earlier, and Steve was helping a customer at the register, but then Clint came around the corner and saw him, running up to help him with the tools. 

“Hey, Tony, did you just fix our AC? Steve said someone was working on it, but he didn’t say it was you.” Clint grinned. 

“Yeah, it was an easy enough fix. It wasn’t like I could leave you guys working in a sauna.”

“Thanks,” Clint said, then nodded to what Tony presumed was the backroom. “Let’s get these tools put away.”

Tony followed Clint, and they put everything away. By the time they came back out, the line at the register was gone, and Steve was coming to find them. 

Tony couldn’t help but appreciate how good Steve looked in his tight shirt. He really wanted another kiss like before, maybe a little more after. If their date went well, he hoped they’d get a chance for a little more, though he wanted to take things slow. They meant more than a casual hookup. If it were just sex Tony wanted, there were apps for that. 

“I can’t believe you fixed this.” Steve motioned to the vents, shaking his head. “You better let us repay you somehow.”

Tony licked his lips. “I’m sure we can think of something.”

“Get a room!” Clint called from the counter, making them both laugh.

Tony raised his brows. “If it happens again, call me instead of suffering. I really don’t mind lending a hand. I like taking things apart. It’s fun.”

Steve smiled, ducking his head. “I’ll keep that in mind. Now weren’t you here for gardening supplies before all this?”

He’d nearly forgotten about that. “Yeah, I want to plant some catnip for Asshole, and I’m running low on fertilizer for my tomatoes.”

Steve huffed a laugh. “You shouldn’t be allowed to name things, but come on, I’ll help you find everything.” He waved him toward the gardening section. 

Tony got everything he needed, plus a few things he didn’t, like the canning supplies. Steve had suggested he might enjoy the process of preserving his harvest. Tony didn’t have much of an opinion either way but went along with it. Worst case, the jars would sit in the basement.

Then, Steve insisted that he didn’t pay, something Tony was ready to argue about, but after receiving the saddest puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen, Tony melted and agreed to take the items for free. 

Steve walked him to his car and lingered by the door as Tony waited to get in. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. Then they both started at once, cutting each other off. 

“Go ahead,” said Steve. He had a hand on the door, holding it open. Tony was still standing between it and the car. 

Tony scrunched his nose, biting his lip, then said, “I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

Steve smiled. “Yeah, yeah, of course. We’re looking forward to it. Do you want us to pick you up, or should we meet there?” 

As nice as it might be for them to pick him up, he didn’t want to be trapped with no means to escape. He wanted to be able to come and go on his own terms. 

“I’ll meet you there. See you at six?”

“See you at six.”

Tony got in his car, and Steve shut the door. He watched Tony back up, one thumb hooked in his belt loop and waving with his other hand. 

Tony went home and tended his garden, planting the catnip, then taking a shower. 

After making a light dinner, he called Pepper to tell her about his day and ask her a few things about the prosthetic department. 

He kicked his feet up on the couch, sipping a coffee, and dialed her number. 

She answered on the third ring. 

“Tony, I was wondering when I’d hear from you again. I thought for sure you’d call sooner. How is everything?”

Tony sipped his coffee. “Better, good. I—um, well, I kissed them, and we have a date tomorrow.”

“That’s great. I was hoping you’d get there. I think this is so good for you. They seem like really nice guys.”

“Thanks, Pep. How’re things with Maria?”

“We’re great. It’s our second anniversary next weekend. Can you believe it?”

“You should take some time off. Go use one of my properties and spend some time together.”

“That’s—thank you, Tony.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “That would be really nice. Maybe I’ll take you up on that.”

“Oh, Pep, before I forget. Can you shoot off an email to the head of the prosthetic department for me? Request any info on issues of pain in the joint related to temperature. I just want to run through it.”

“Of course, but can I ask why the sudden interest?”

He looked down at the mug in his hands, swirling the coffee. He took a drink. “Bucky, you know, one of the doms I have a date with, he has one of our arms, and it’s been acting up in the heat. I just want to make sure that someone is looking into the problem. There might not be anything we can do, but I want to double-check, make sure the right people are watching.”

“God, small world, huh?” Pepper breathed. “I’ll send out an email when I get off the phone.”

“Thanks, Pep.”

They talked about his upcoming date for a little longer, then Pepper’s dinner arrived, and she had to go. Tony grabbed his tablet and caught up on some work emails, but he couldn’t concentrate for long. Tomorrow was on his mind. He went to bed early that night because he couldn’t wait for their date. 

The next day, Tony tried to pass the time and stay busy. He worked on the breaker box in the basement and didn’t get shocked once. Asshole had sat on the basement steps, watching him skeptically. 

Finally, four o’clock rolled around, and Tony could finally start getting ready. He’d picked out his clothes earlier in the morning, so he took a shower and got changed. 

It didn’t take nearly enough time because he ended up ready in half an hour and waiting perched on the edge of the couch. 

It was cool in the house, but he was already feeling his skin getting damp around his collar. His nerves were getting to him. 

A little after five, Tony grabbed his keys and headed for the brewery. 

The brewery had a large, renovated barn with fairy lights draped throughout the trees. There were people mingling in the courtyard. Tony caught sight of Steve and Bucky standing near the barn and walked in that direction.

They waved when they saw him, both smiling in different ways. Steve looked surer of himself, while Bucky looked a little nervous, though he covered it well. 

“Hey,” Tony said, “and here I thought I was early.”

Steve shrugged. “We’ve been thinking about this all week, so when the day came, we left kinda early.”

“You look good,” Bucky said, leaning in to press a little kiss to his cheek, his hand going to Tony’s hip. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to taste some beers and get some food.”

Tony nodded, tearing his eyes away from Bucky’s lips to answer. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They gathered at the bar and spoke with the bartender, who offered them samples from different bottles.

“This one is supposed to taste like pumpkin, I think, but it tastes too earthy for me. I don’t love this,” Tony said, setting the cup down.

Bucky picked up Tony’s cup and downed it with a smile. “I don’t know. I like it.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re a heathen.” He turned to Steve. “What’s your verdict?”

Steve drank the last of his, clearly taking it seriously. “I know what you mean about the earthy notes. It’s not my favorite either.”

“Whatever, you two are beer snobs,” Bucky said with a huff. “Any beer is a good beer.”

Steve laughed. “That’s coming from a man who happily drank a two-year-old beer he found in the back of the fridge.”

Bucky’s face twisted in mock offense. “It was in the fridge!”

Tony laughed. They were both so down to earth and human that it hurt. Tony didn’t know what he did to deserve a chance with two men like them. He wondered when the other shoe would drop, when they would realize their mistake in giving him a chance. Whether he was prepared or not, it was going to hurt when they let him down. 

They tried a few more beers, and Steve and Bucky kept up playful banter, but Tony stayed outside the conversation, not really sure how to break in. Thankfully, he was saved by it being time to eat, so they were taken to their table that sat off to the side, a little more secluded than the rest. 

The waiter came, and they ordered, and then an awkward silence fell over the table. Tony took a drink of his water for something to do. He wasn’t used to being this nervous, not like this. Any other time, he might plaster on a smile and talk, but that didn’t seem genuine. He wanted to be real with them. 

Tony cleared his throat. “So, um, tell me something about yourselves.”

Bucky shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. “Not much to tell. I think you know the important stuff. We’re both in our thirties, we both served overseas, and this one”—he motioned to Steve—“has been dragging me into trouble since he could walk.”

Steve smiled. “I think I remember you at the center of a lot of that trouble.”

“Yeah, well, no more than I’ve had to save your scrawny ass from a fight.”

Tony choked on his spit. “Him? Scrawny? I don’t believe it.”

“Oh yeah.” Bucky grinned. “He was ninety pounds soaking wet until he hit a late growth spurt at about eighteen. I got pictures at home if you want to see him. My ma used to say he had more piss and vinegar in him than blood. Like a little pissed off chihuahua.”

Tony barked a laugh. “I need to see proof.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Laugh it up.”

“I’ll show you a picture next time you're over,” Bucky said. 

Their food came, and the conversation died down for a minute, then Steve asked, “So, have you always wanted to go into engineering?”

Tony chewed, then swallowed, taking a sip of beer. “I’ve been inventing things since I could hold a wrench, or well, a soldering iron. I was four when I made my first circuit board.”

Bucky’s eyes went wide. “Wow, your parents must have been proud.”

Tony scrunched his nose at the reminder of his father. The man had never been impressed by him. Tony could only imagine how he must have rolled over in his grave when he stopped the weapons manufacturing after Ty. 

“Honestly, I don’t think he ever was. He wasn’t the kind of dad that praised you. He preferred the stick to the carrot.”

Tony looked away, but he didn’t miss the dark expressions that passed over Steve and Bucky’s faces. 

Steve stabbed a piece of his steak a little too aggressively to go unnoticed. “I’m sorry you didn’t have the support you deserved. Kids should be able to lean on their parents, look up to them. They shouldn’t hurt them.”

Tony frowned and then turned his attention to his food. They ate in silence for a few minutes until Tony broke it by saying, “They weren’t great, I know that, but they were mine. I still miss them, even my dad. They died when I was still a kid.” He took a sip of water. “My dad, he was a dick, self-righteous dom, and he fucked up a lot of things, but he taught me a lot, too. Maybe I shouldn’t be so forgiving, but I don’t have the strength to hold a grudge.” He shrugged. “Guess you could say I haven’t had a good history with doms.”

“Tony,” Bucky breathed, reaching out to touch Tony’s arm.

Tony shrugged. “It is what it is. Can’t change the past. We can only move forward, right? Now enough about me. Tell me, how did you decide to open a hardware store?”

Steve didn’t look like he wanted to drop the subject, but he chewed his lip, then nodded. “We needed something quiet to keep us busy,” Steve said after a second, “so we bought the hardware store. It was a gamble moving to a new town, away from the city, starting a business, but I’m glad we did it.”

That caught Tony’s attention. Now that he thought of it, they both had faint accents he hadn’t been able to place, though they sounded familiar.

“Where did you live before?” Tony asked.

“Brooklyn,” Bucky answered. “Born and raised.”

Of course, now that they’d said it, he could hear it better.

“Both of you?”

Steve nodded. “Yep, we lived on the same block, grew up together, and enlisted together.”

Bucky looked at Steve. “Fought together and stayed together. Then, well, this happened.” Bucky wiggled his metal fingers. 

Tony flicked his eyes up from Bucky’s hand to his face. There was a distant look to Bucky’s eyes. Tony knew enough that whatever had happened, it still affected him greatly. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I think sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie.”

Bucky gave a tight nod and took a drink of his beer. 

They finished up their dinners. Then the waiter came and collected their plates with a promise to return with their desserts shortly. 

Dessert was a strawberry cheesecake, and it looked delicious. As they ate, the conversation started again, a little lighter this time. 

“Your sister would love this,” Steve said, pointing at his slice with his fork. Then he looked at Tony. “Buck’s sister Becca had a cheesecake obsession growing up.”

“Pretty sure she still does.” Bucky took a bite. “Probably for the best that she still lives in New York.” Bucky looked at Tony. “You got any siblings?”

Tony shook his head. “Just me. I think I scared them off from having more kids. I would have been lonely if it weren’t for our butler and his wife. They took me under their wing.”

“I’m glad you had someone,” Steve said, and Bucky nodded, too.

They finished, then waited for the check. When it came, Tony slipped his black card into the fold. Things had gone so much better than he could have hoped, and somehow, he hadn’t scared them away. Everything about them was kind and genuine. It was almost too good to be true. 

When the waiter returned his card, he slipped his wallet into his pocket, and then they all rose. Bucky came around Tony, placing a hand on the small of his back and walking him out, while Steve led the way. 

They stood in the parking lot for a minute, lingering. It didn’t seem like any of them wanted the date to end. 

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, dropping his hand, then looking at Tony. “I had a great time.”

“Me, too,” Bucky chimed in from beside him. His hand was resting on Tony’s hip, a comforting weight. 

“We should do this again,” Tony said. “Maybe not this, though I had fun, but just us, hanging out. I liked it.”

“I’d like that, too,” Steve said. “Wouldn’t you, Buck?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Bucky slid his hand around and down a little to lay low on Tony’s back. “You know, we’re not doing anything tomorrow, if it’s not too soon.”

Tony wanted that very much. “Sure, tomorrow would work great. What did you have in mind?”

Steve shared a look with Bucky, then glanced back at Tony. “I think we could just hang out. Maybe we could cook dinner and watch a movie.”

“And see what pops up,” Bucky finished with a smirk, making Steve roll his eyes. 

“Jesus Christ and I thought you used to be the suave one,” Steve said with a shake of his head, then looked at Tony. “I apologize. I swear he’s at least house trained.”

Tony laughed. “It’s all good. Do I at least get a kiss before I go?”

Steve’s eyes darkened. “Yeah, I think we can fit that in.”

As they kissed, Bucky kept himself pressed close to Tony’s back. Then when they broke apart, Tony turned to Bucky and caught his lips. 

Kissing them was the perfect end to their date. He wanted to follow them home and explore things further, but he also wanted this phase to last, where everything was new and fresh. He didn’t mind going home to dream about them because they would see each other again tomorrow, and he knew there'd be a chance for more then. 

Bucky pulled away, hand still cupping Tony’s jaw. “I really like kissing you.”

Tony hummed. “I’m pretty partial to it, too.”

Knowing they couldn’t stay in that moment forever, they said their goodbyes, and Tony went home, his mind racing ahead to tomorrow and all that it would bring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I hope you guys liked this chapter after how much of a struggle it was. And I'm really excited about the next chapter. I think there will definitely be sexy times between the three of them!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day after their date, and they hang out together. Sexy times are had, though Tony feels a little anxious after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than I wanted, but I'm pretty happy with it. A huge thanks to StarkAce for the amazing help with some of the science stuff and talking things through. I think the story will be much better for their input. Also thanks to Politzania for double checking that things made sense, and of course thanks to my internet wife in everything fandom courtney.
> 
> All mistakes are mine because I don't have the patience to wait for a beta lol

Steve could hear the rain pattering on the roof as he laid in bed with his arm slung over Bucky. Neither of them had to work this weekend, so it was a perfect day to sleep in a little. The light coming in the windows was muted by the gray skies and falling rain, giving a softness to the room.

Steve had spent last night dreaming about their date and how it had gone. They’d had some nice conversation, and Tony had opened up a little, which was good. It had been nice to see beneath the polished exterior he usually presented.

When Tony had hinted at a turbulent relationship with his father, it made something in Steve’s chest cinch tight. Thinking about someone hurting Tony had him nearly stabbing his steak hard enough to break the plate. He’d had to remind himself that Tony was fine. Whatever had happened in his childhood and with his ex were in the past. Clearly, Tony was a survivor. 

But as well as the date went, there were still things left unsaid. Neither of them knew much about what had happened to Tony, which left things in a dangerous state. After reading about abused subs, Steve and Bucky had both realized that they’d need to have good communication to avoid triggers. 

And it wasn’t just Tony that had them. They all had triggers, things that could lead them into a spiral. Bucky had a couple, and so did Steve. For instance, after finding Bucky chained in the Hydra base, Steve never wanted to see Bucky in cuffs again. They’d tried playing with restraints, but Steve had had to safeword out. It just brought up too many bad memories. 

Bucky shifted under his arm, rolling with an unintelligible grumble to burrow his face against Steve’s bare chest. Steve smiled warmly, pressing a kiss to the top of Bucky’s head. His hair smelled like the fancy shampoo Steve had started buying him because he knew Bucky would never indulge himself on his own. 

Holding Bucky’s warm body close, Steve closed his eyes and thought of what it would be like to hold both Bucky and Tony like this. He imagined how good it would feel, their skin touching, a little damp from sweat, having spent the night tangled together. He couldn’t wait to get there. 

With no pressing reason to get up, he drifted back to sleep with Bucky’s body curled around him.

Sometime later, he woke to Bucky wriggling next to him, trying to get free from Steve’s hold.

“Where you going?” Steve asked. 

“Gotta piss,” Bucky explained, sliding out of bed and hurrying to the adjoining bathroom, his bare feet slapping the floor. 

He didn’t close the door, and Steve could hear the relieved moan as he emptied his bladder. It made him chuckle. 

“That good, huh?” Steve called to him, then scratched at the stubble on his cheek. He needed to shower and shave. Then they needed to head to the store and get some things for dinner, too. 

The decision about what to make had been pretty easy, as they didn’t cook many things well, though Steve was learning. He’d started listening to cooking podcasts when he was in the back room at work. There was never anything triggering in them. It was always a safe listen. Politics sometimes were too much for him, so the news was out, and he liked music, but there was something calming about listening to someone describing how to fry mushrooms that Steve enjoyed. Maybe he was just a little weird like that.

For dinner, though, Steve and Bucky were making chili, a recipe that Bucky had been perfecting for years. He’d even won an award for it at a local cook-off. With a side of cornbread, it would be a great meal for a rainy day. 

“Shut up,” Bucky grumbled, then flushed and washed his hands. He walked back into the room and brushed the curtain back, peeking out the window. The rain was really coming down. “At least we don’t have to water the lawn.”

“True, but we still need to feed the chickens soon,” Steve reminded him. 

Bucky huffed, “Not it,” then walked over to the bed and flopped down, face planting with a groan. “I know I should probably get up, but the bed is too comfy.”

Steve pushed himself up against the headboard, the sheets and blankets bunched by his feet. He smiled at Bucky, reaching over and rubbing his neck. He liked lazy mornings like this. It was nice, and it could only get better when they could do it with Tony, too. 

“We need to hit the store, and since I love you, I’ll take care of the chickens. Oh, and I got a text from Tony. He’ll be over around three.”

Bucky hummed into the pillow, then turned his head to look at Steve. “I’m gonna have to talk to him, aren’t I?”

Steve tried to give Bucky a reassuring look. “There’s a lot we need to talk about. I don’t think you can pretend you’re just a regular dom and get away with it. I think he’ll notice eventually. It’s probably better to be upfront.”

Bucky sighed, rolling onto his back. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. We can talk today, maybe. It’d be nice to have it all in the open, and we need to talk about boundaries. We’ve all got issues, I think.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, we’ll figure it out.”

* * *

“Is the oven up to temp?” Bucky asked, scraping the batter for the cornbread into a pan. 

Steve glanced at the oven, then looked at him. “Yep, it’s all set, and Tony should be here soon.”

Bucky set the empty bowl and spatula in the sink and put the pan in the oven. When he looked at Steve again, he had his phone out. He and Tony had been texting on and off all day, and it only made Bucky a little jealous. 

He envied Steve a little. He didn’t have the same baggage Bucky did. He wasn’t coming to terms with his designation changing. He didn’t have the hangups Bucky did. The change Bucky had been through wasn’t just psychological. It wasn’t something enough therapy could fix. There was a biological component, too. 

Though his hormone levels were stable, whatever Hydra had done to him had changed him. He still produced Domestrone, the hormone that made someone dominant, but he was no longer able to process it like he used to, effectively turning him into a switch. Though all humans had Domestrone running through their veins, only doms and switches could utilize it. Subs lacked the necessary receptors completely. 

Even the doctors were still struggling to understand the changes, which made him wonder how Tony would take the news. Would he think he was a freak?

Steve stuck his phone back in his pocket. “Tony’s looking forward to trying your chili. He says he loves spicy food.”

Bucky went to the sink and started washing the dishes. It was good Tony looked forward to seeing them, but Bucky couldn’t help but be a little nervous. This was different from their date. This was more like casually hanging out. It could go good or bad. 

At three o’clock, Tony texted that he was there but held hostage in his car by the rain. Bucky peeked out the window to see the storm had gotten worse, and the rain was coming down in sheets. 

“I’ll rescue him,’’ Bucky said, grabbing the blue umbrella by the door. 

“Wait.” Steve touched Bucky’s arm, reaching around him to get the jacket from the hook. He passed it to Bucky. “Looks like you’ll need all the help you can get.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Either way, he was getting wet, but he’d humor Steve. They went out to the porch, and Bucky waved at Tony in his car. He put the jacket over his head and shoulders and popped open the umbrella. With one last look at Steve, he darted down to Tony’s car. 

When he reached the car, Tony quickly got out, ducking under the umbrella and rushing back to the porch with Bucky. By the time he got there, the jacket was soaked, and his jeans were wet, but Tony was dry, which was all that mattered. 

Bucky left the umbrella on the porch when they went inside. Steve led Tony into the kitchen as Bucky hung up the dripping jacket. He looked over himself, realizing his sneakers were soaked, too. He quickly toed them off and peeled off his socks. That done, he padded into the kitchen after Steve. 

* * *

When he walked into the house, the first thing Tony noticed was the warm smell of spices from what he assumed was the chili cooking. It was mouth-watering. Then he looked around. The house was clean but not too neat. It was lived in, and he was sure it held a lot of stories. 

There were pictures of Steve and Bucky on the wall and other people Tony didn’t know. He assumed they were family. He passed a framed medal on the way to the kitchen, but he didn’t get a chance to see what kind it was. 

The smell was strongest in the kitchen, and Tony’s stomach growled. 

“Sorry”—he put a hand over his stomach—“I forgot breakfast. Had a lot on my mind.” Tony felt himself blush a little. 

Steve just smiled, though. “We can eat now. Bucky should be right behind us. Crazy storm, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s really coming down. It was just drizzling when I left the house. Somewhere between here and there it started raining buckets.”

Tony leaned on the counter as Steve took some bowls from the cupboard. There was a foil-wrapped pan on the stove, and Tony hoped it was cornbread. 

“I think the weatherman said it should be over by midnight, so that’s something, I guess.” Steve set the bowls on the counter and turned to Tony just as Bucky walked in. “He’s been anxious about feeding you all day, worried you wouldn’t like his cooking.”

That made Tony smile, and when he looked at Bucky, he saw his jeans were wet, and his feet were bare. His hair hung around his face, and when he smiled, it made the corners of his eyes crinkle. “Is there something wrong with wanting to woo you with my skills?”

Tony laughed, shaking his head a little. “Nothing wrong at all. It smells amazing. I can’t wait to try it.”

They went to the living room to eat, and after some awkward shuffling, all sat together on the couch with Tony in the middle, something that he both liked and made him feel a little overwhelmed. 

Tony was impressed with their cooking and told them both between bites. The praise made Bucky’s face light up more than Tony had seen it before, and Steve gave all the credit to Bucky. 

After eating, Steve took their bowls to the sink, leaving Tony with Bucky. They sat so closely on the couch their legs were touching. Not really sure what to do with his arm beside Bucky, he glanced at Bucky, then put out his hand, palm up, wiggling his fingers. Bucky took the hint with a duck of his head and placed his hand in Tony’s. 

Tony liked the feeling of his hand in his. He could tell Bucky worked hard with his hands. He had calluses, but his skin was still soft. 

Steve came back into the room and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, sitting down beside Tony again. His gaze slipped to where Tony held Bucky’s hand, and a small smile twitched against his lips. 

“Any preferences?” Steve asked, waving the remote. 

Tony shook his head. He didn’t care what was on the TV, as he was focused on the two men beside him. The TV changed to something, but Tony didn’t pay attention to what. Then Steve put the remote on the table and took Tony’s other hand. 

“There’s some things I think we need to talk about before we go any further,” Steve started, probably trying to be reassuring, but all Tony could hear was that they wanted to talk, and his mind supplied it wouldn’t be good. There was a lot Tony just wanted to forget about, things he wasn’t ready to face or put to words, like his time with Ty, but he knew they had the right to ask. They were going in blind, otherwise. 

Tony cleared his throat. “I don’t—if you want to know about my ex, I don’t know how much I can tell you. It’s not something I like to think about, but I understand you wanting to know.”

Bucky squeezed his hand. “No, hey, it’s nothing like that. It’s actually more about me and what I am, though we should go over anything that might trigger you—not saying it would.”

Tony frowned, glancing at Steve, then Bucky. “I don’t understand.”

Steve looked away, then Bucky cleared his throat. “It’s like this. When this”— he lifted his metal arm—“happened, some other things happened, too. Ugly things that I don’t really like talking about, but the result of it you should know.”

Tony gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze, then looked at his face. “You don’t have to tell me. I know what it’s like to have things you don’t want to talk about.”

Bucky broke his eyes away from Tony to look at the TV silently. He was quiet for a minute before licking his lips and looking back at Tony. “It was a roadside bomb, killed the driver, injured me and two others. It’s how I lost the arm, though at the time it was just mangled, barely hanging on.”

Tony rubbed his thumb against the side of Bucky’s hand, trying to comfort him because he could see he was struggling. There was a distant look to his eyes that said he was slipping somewhere else, and Tony knew it wasn’t good. 

After a few beats, Bucky sucked in a breath and continued, “Hydra, the terrorist cell, they found us before the good guys did. We were all taken back to their base, tortured, experimented on. They gave me something there, something that’s got our doctors stumped. It messed with me, turned me into a switch. I still make Domestrone, but there’s something wrong with me now. It’s like my body can’t use it right. I can’t—I can’t be a good dom, not like I used to.” His eyes dropped to the floor. “I sub for Stevie now, at least most of the time. Being with you—it would be different. I don’t know how I’d be for you.”

Tony could tell from the rigid lines of Bucky’s shoulder, the tense way he held himself, that he wanted to bolt. It was hard to believe that that could be done to someone, but he had no reason to doubt it. 

Honestly, it didn’t make a difference to Tony, and who was he to judge? He wasn’t sure he could even go down without dropping, so what kind of sub did that make him? Bucky’s designation didn’t matter to Tony. It was his warmth, kindness, and humor that made him want to be around him. No, it didn’t matter at all.

Tony let go of Steve’s hand to turn to Bucky. He cupped his cheek, guiding him to meet his eyes. “I happen to think you’re pretty great just like this.” Then he leaned in, careful to give Bucky time to move away, and pressed his lips to his. 

Bucky seemed stunned but then got with the program, reaching up and cupping Tony’s head as he deepened the kiss. Tony felt Steve shift behind him, and then there were hands on him, sliding over his back. 

Tony pulled away, breathing heavily. “I have issues, too. I can’t do humiliation, anything degrading. I sometimes panic, even when there isn’t a reason.”

Bucky’s hand cupped his neck, his thumb resting on the line of his jaw. “We won’t ever hurt you on purpose.”

Steve shifted, then his chest was pressing against Tony’s back, and his lips were on the nape of his neck. “Are colors good for you? Do you have a safeword?”

“Particle,” Tony said, pressing back into Steve’s touch, arching his neck. “And the stoplight system works for me. Do you guys have a word?”

Bucky’s hand started sliding down Tony’s neck to his chest, his thumb brushing over Tony’s nipple. “Jersey—nothing good happens when you go there.”

That made Tony laugh, but he was quickly distracted by Steve nibbling his ear and Bucky’s hands grazing over his chest. 

Having the attention of two men was nearly too much, but Tony didn’t want it to stop. He peeled himself away from Steve to crash into Bucky again, nipping at his lips and sweeping his tongue inside his mouth. He could hear Steve breathing behind him. 

Bucky clutched at Tony's sides as Tony reached down to rub Bucky’s erection through his jeans. The feel of him made Tony ache to be filled. He wanted to taste him, stroke him, make him feel good. Bucky’s head fell back, and he groaned when Tony squeezed his cock. 

A feeling Tony hadn’t felt in a long time stirred in him, something a little floaty and warm. He chased after it, sliding his hands down Bucky’s thighs as he dropped to his knees in front of him.

When he looked up at Bucky again, his pupils were blown. Bucky lightly touched his cheek, like he was something fragile and precious, something to be treasured. 

“Are you sure?” Bucky breathed.

Tony’s answer was a smirk and sliding his hands up to Bucky’s fly. He paused, though, before undoing his pants, wanting to make sure he wasn’t pushing too fast, but Bucky eased his concerns by reaching down and undoing them for him, pulling himself free. 

Tony’s throat went dry at the sight of him. He wouldn’t have complained, either way, big or small, but the size of Bucky’s dick made him want to drool. He was long and thick, and Tony squirmed as he thought about how it would feel to be split open on it. 

He glanced at Steve and saw he was rubbing himself through his jeans, watching with dark eyes, his lips parted slightly. Tony didn’t know what he did to deserve two men like this. Turning back to Bucky, he reached up and wrapped his hand around Bucky’s dick, the silky-smooth skin feeling good in his hand. The simple touch drew a throaty noise from Bucky, and he hissed through his teeth. 

Feeling emboldened by his reaction, he leaned in and licked a hot stripe up the underside of Bucky’s cock, circling the head, then lapping the little bead of pre-come from the slit. It was salty and bitter on his tongue, but he relished the flavor. It was purely Bucky.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and looked to see Steve pulling himself free. Tony licked his lips, then turned back to Bucky, licking at his head again like a lollipop, then taking him down into his mouth. 

Bucky groaned, a hesitant hand coming to Tony’s head, barely tugging at his hair. Tony bobbed his head a few times, then pulled off to say, “You can pull it. I like it a little rough.”

Bucky’s fingers tightened in his hair, and the little sparks of pain went straight to Tony’s dick, making it ache where it was pressed against his zipper. 

He took Bucky in his mouth again, going down until it nudged the back of his throat, making his gag reflex twitch a little. He worked his mouth up and down, swirling his tongue around his cock, and pulling the sexiest noises from Bucky. 

Wanting to make it good, Tony sat up a little higher and leaned over a little more, and after taking a breath, he took Bucky down as deep as he could, pushing him into his throat. His throat contracted as his gag reflex kicked in, but he kept pushing forward, swallowing around him. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he looked up at Bucky through his lashes. 

Bucky licked his lips, then said, “You’re so good, baby. Jesus, just look at you. You’re killing me.”

“You look perfect together,” Steve breathed. “Look at him taking you, Buck.”

Tony hummed around him, then bobbed his head a few times before taking him deeply again. Bucky’s hips started lifting in time with Tony’s mouth, and his fingers tugged at Tony’s hair, and Tony knew he was getting close, so he redoubled his efforts. 

His head was a little floaty, he wasn’t down, but he felt good. 

He swallowed around him again, nearly gagging, then Bucky pulled his hair, tugging him down to take him deeper, and Tony tried. God, did he try. He choked a little, pulling back for air, then went down again. 

“Shit, I’m gonna come. You better pull off unless you want it,” Bucky panted. 

Tony didn’t want to pull off. He wanted to taste him. He wanted to be good. 

He hollowed out his cheeks and sucked, then swirled his tongue and bobbed his head. Bucky was using his hair to guide him, and Tony let him, loving the feeling of being used. It wasn’t like with Ty. This was something he wanted.

Bucky’s hips jerked up, and Tony felt him tense. He took him down deep again, swallowing around him, then Bucky shouted out a curse, and then his come was pumping into his mouth and down his throat. He swallowed it all, suckling on Bucky’s cock until he started pushing him back from oversensitivity. 

He pulled off and wiped his mouth with his hand. Everything was muted and soft, and he realized he was on the edge of going down. He didn’t want to lose the feeling. 

Bucky tucked himself back in his pants and then leaned forward, cupping Tony’s chin and gently kissing him. Steve whimpered next to him, and Tony turned, seeing his flushed cock fisted in his hand. Tony’s own dick ached in his jeans, and he reached down to palm himself through the fabric. 

“Come here,” Steve breathed, reaching out a hand toward him. 

Tony got up and walked over to him, taking Steve’s hand. Steve pulled him down onto his lap, and Tony straddled him.

Steve paused with his hands over the button of Tony’s jeans. “Can I?”

“Yeah, yes, please.” Tony gripped Steve’s forearms as he undid Tony’s jeans. 

Steve pulled Tony free from his pants and stroked him twice, holding him in his big hand. Tony bucked into the feeling. 

Then Bucky was there behind him, kissing behind his ear. “Lean forward, baby. Stevie will take care of you.”

He did as Bucky said, lining up his and Steve’s dicks. He was so close already, and they hadn’t even started. He was going to embarrass himself, but he didn’t care. 

Steve wrapped a big hand around them both, squeezing, then tugging their dicks a few times. Tony curled forward, dropping his forehead on Steve’s shoulder, barely giving Steve room to work their cocks, but he managed. 

It didn’t take long, and Tony was panting and whimpering. He came fast and hard, everything too much. Come slicked Steve’s hand, making his glide smoother, then in another two strokes, he was coming, too. Bucky kept up his soft touches on Tony’s back and sides. 

Then Tony collapsed on Steve, not caring about the mess getting on their stomachs and shirts. Bucky disappeared, and a minute later, he reappeared with some damp paper towels. He guided Tony off Steve, then started cleaning him up. 

The gentle swipes of the paper towels felt good on him. It barely qualified as aftercare, it was only human decency, but it melted Tony to the core. It felt like there was a warm, soft blanket wrapped around him. 

Bucky tucked him back into his pants, then Steve pulled him into his arms, and Bucky sat beside him, pressing against his other side. Tony just let himself enjoy the moment, though it was fading. 

“Ty, my ex,” Tony said into the silence. “He didn’t believe in this kind of stuff.”

Steve tightened his hold on him. “In what stuff?”

“Cuddling, aftercare. Just being decent.”

Bucky ran a hand up and down Tony’s thigh. “Well, this is my favorite part.”

Despite how good things had gone, he could feel the tendrils of anxiety reaching out to him. He just couldn’t hang onto a good headspace for long. He was a broken sub in so many ways. 

The floaty feeling had slipped away, but he didn’t let go of Steve. He reached down and took Bucky’s hand, pulling his arm around himself. He couldn’t stop the uneasy feeling from sneaking in, though, and he worried it might consume him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, they finally got together!! Who else is excited!! There will be some bumps in the road, but they are moving in the right direction together.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic sets in after the intimate time they shared and Tony bolts. He returns to New York but later talks to Steve and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a tiny bit shorter than usual, but I hope you don't mind. A big thanks to Jadeys_World and thelostweasley for cheering me on.

_The floaty feeling had slipped away, but he didn’t let go of Steve. He reached down and took Bucky’s hand, pulling his arm around himself. He couldn’t stop the uneasy feeling from sneaking in, though, and he worried it might consume him._

* * *

Tony stayed curled around Steve with Bucky at his side for a while, but his mind wouldn’t stop racing. His anxiety was building by the second, and as much as he wanted to spend time with them and let them take care of him, he didn't know how, and that just made him feel like a failure.

Ty had stripped him down, broken him, made him feel worthless, and though he logically knew he deserved better, something about it felt wrong. He didn't know how to accept the kind of treatment that Steve and Bucky were giving him despite wanting it so much.

It didn’t help that he never had a good example of a caring relationship growing up. His father was never good to his mother. Tony was pretty sure she lived in a permanent state of touch starvation.

The rain beat down outside, and the wind blew. The weather seemed as unsettled as he was. He clutched at Steve’s shirt and drew in a breath through his nose, smelling Steve’s cologne. He tried to let the scent ground him, but he was already spiraling, and as much as he wanted to stay there with them, it was hurting more than helping. 

His skin started to itch, and the arms that were around him felt confining instead of comforting. He tried to push the feeling down, but it continued to grow, the anxiety twisting and reaching out its tendrils until he couldn’t take it anymore. Part of him knew he should say something to Steve or Bucky, tell them how he was feeling, ask for help, but he didn't want to seem weak.

Steve must have felt him tensing in his arms and known something was off because he was suddenly alert and asking, “What’s wrong?”

Tony clenched his jaw because he didn't know what words would come tumbling out if he opened it. He didn't want to hurt them, but he knew his baggage would be a problem. He didn't know how to phrase what he was feeling. It was all too much. The truth of the matter was, he wanted them. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay there with them and soak in all their warmth. He just didn't know how to let himself.

He hated Ty for what he’d done to him. He hated that he couldn't make his emotions do what he wanted. Why couldn’t his head and heart get on the same page? He wasn't even sure why he was spiraling like he was. It had been a perfect evening; he’d loved every second of it, so why was he having so much trouble now?

His skin felt too tight, and his heart was beating a little too fast. Like Domino's falling, everything started to come down, each feeling colliding into the last. He was a fragile house of cards that was about to fall, and he didn't want to do it there in front of them. He didn't want them to see him fall apart. How ridiculous was it that he couldn't accept a simple embrace? He’d let Ty do this to him, take this from him, and he hated it.

“It’s nothing,” Tony said, pushing himself up and away from Steve, wriggling out from between them. He shivered a little at the change. Neither of them acted like they wanted to let him go, but they did reluctantly, though they had concern written all over their faces. He sat on the edge of the couch. “Really, this is on me—not you guys. I can’t stay. I’m sorry.”

Then he was standing, straightening his clothes.

“Is it something we did? Are you okay?” Steve asked, already moving to stand.

His movement had Tony backing toward the door. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, not meeting their eyes. “It’s not you.”

Then he turned and stumbled toward the door, their voices chasing after him. He could hear their footsteps coming behind him, but it just pushed him faster. He opened the door and then bolted across the yard to the car. They called him from the porch, but Tony didn't stop.

It was still raining, and by the time he got in the car, he was soaked. He wiped the water from his eyes and put the keys in the ignition, taking off without a backward glance. He needed to get away. He needed to put distance between them. Part of him felt bad. It wasn't their fault. He cared about them more than he’d cared about anyone in a long time, but the sick, twisting feeling in his gut wouldn't stop, a remnant of his relationship with Ty.

He felt at war with himself. He felt broken in ways that weren't fair. They were everything he could want, but he just couldn't seem to let himself have it. He hated that, in a way, Ty still had power over him. He wondered if he would ever be truly past it.

When he got home, he shot off a text to Pepper, telling her that he would be flying out. Maybe he was a coward for leaving, but Vermont didn't seem like a safe place right now. If he stayed, he would have to face his feelings. He would have to face Steve and Bucky. He didn't know how to explain what had happened or why he’d left.

Part of him knew the reason he was running wasn't just because of Ty, though that played a role. What they'd done together might have been good, felt amazing, but it also reaffirmed that they were on the path to becoming something more, and that scared him a little.

It wasn't that he thought Steve and Bucky would be the kind of doms that Ty was. He knew they were good people. They’d treated him with nothing but kindness, but that didn’t stop his body from being wary. The traitorous thing had all but kicked into flight or fight simply because of a few cuddles.

As he packed his bags, his phone buzzed with an incoming text. He didn't have to pick it up to know it was Steve or Bucky texting him. Of course, they were probably worried about him, and given the way he’d bolted from their house, he could understand their concern. He hadn't really come across as very stable.

After zipping his bag shut, he grabbed his phone and checked the message.

 _Are you okay? We’re worried._ It was from Steve.

A minute later, there was another message, this one from a number Tony didn't recognize. He assumed it was Bucky. _Did we do something wrong?_

Tony's heart sank. He’d done what he didn't want to do. They were blaming themselves, and it wasn't their fault. He held his phone in his hand for a moment. It was heavier than it should have been. Maybe it was all in his head, but it felt like it was burning his skin.

Answering them should be easy, but it felt like the hardest thing in the world. No matter what he thought about saying, he knew it wouldn't be enough, so instead of facing the music, he tucked his phone in his pocket, grabbed his bag, and headed out the door.

He chartered a private jet, and it didn't take long to reach New York. Happy greeted him in the airport, taking his bag and leading him to the car.

He was heading to the tower. He and Ty had lived there briefly, though most of their relationship had been spent in Malibu, something that Tony was thankful for now, as it meant there were fewer reminders of him there.

It was late when he finally made it through the doors of the penthouse, and when he turned on the lights, he paused for a moment to look around, taking in the scene. Everything was the way it was the last time he’d been there, the last time he was there with Ty, even the furniture was the same. His eyes fell on the spot by the couch where he’d kneeled for Ty, and his stomach did a little flip.

Clenching his jaw, he took his bag and headed into the bedroom. He was tired, and the sun would be up sooner than later. He needed to go to sleep. Whatever tomorrow would bring, he would deal with then. He knew Pepper would probably call, or maybe she would just show up. Either way, it didn't matter. He would deal with it in the morning. 

For now, he wanted to sleep and forget, though he should have known he couldn’t be so lucky. No, that night he had twisted nightmares, dreams about Ty and Bucky and Steve. All their soft touches mixed with the pain and humiliation of Ty. It was their praise, blurred with Ty’s degrading words. It was probably a good thing he was alone because he’d probably cried out that night.

He woke up hours later, feeling worse than he had when he went to bed. He threw himself into the shower, got dressed, and checked his phone. There were three new messages from Steve and Bucky. He didn't have the heart to read them.

While he was in New York, he figured he could at least follow up on Bucky's arm. Maybe he could get a little work done, too. Though the company could run without him for a while, he needed to check in eventually.

After rummaging through the fridge and finding some questionable and probably expired yogurt, he found some old granola bars in the cupboard. He took one out and ate it, then grabbed his tablet and went to the couch.

He checked over the emails from the department head for the prosthetic division. Unfortunately, there wasn't an easy solution to Bucky's problem. Discomfort was expected to some degree in all recipients. Pain at the attachment site was a common complaint. Tony was a mechanic, not a doctor. If it had been gears or wires, he could have fixed it, but this wasn't something he could easily repair. He needed to think about it and try to come up with a solution. Maybe he could block the pain at the source. He'd need to see Bucky's scans to know. 

Feeling a little frustrated, he tossed the tablet on the couch and got up, going to the minibar and finding a bottle of whiskey. Because if there was anything his father had taught him, it was that you could find the answer to anything at the bottom of a bottle. Maybe it wasn't great advice, but his father wasn't that great of a man either.

It was still fairly early in the day, probably too early to drink, but there was no one around to judge him. He briefly wondered what Rhodey might be doing and what he would think of it all. He imagined he might have some colorful descriptions of what he’d do to Steve and Bucky when he met them, even though they hadn't done anything wrong.

This mess was all on Tony's shoulders. He'd made his bed, and now he had to sleep in it. He felt a sick twisting in his gut when he thought about how he’d left them hanging like that. He should really text them back, but he didn't know what to say, and the more time that passed, the harder it became. Stupidly, he’d thought the words would come after a good night's sleep, though his sleep hadn't been good at all. He’d woken up that morning just as lost as when he’d gone to bed.

He didn't bother with a glass. He just took the bottle of whiskey and walked to the living room, plopping down in one of the chairs. It was expensive stuff, but it still burned when he gulped it down. He hated how much he was like his father right now, but it was the Stark way. _When your feelings become too much, drink until you forget._ It should have been their motto. It was right up there with: _Stark men are made of iron._

There were many other things he should be doing, really, but he couldn't be bothered. He needed to forget for a moment. He needed to get Steve and Bucky out of his mind for a while. He needed to drown the memories of Ty, numb himself from the pain.

The one thing he didn’t want to forget, though, was Steve and Bucky’s touch. God, did he love their touch. He missed it already, though he didn't feel like he deserved the kind of comfort and care they’d given him. The pleasure that had sparked between them had been amazing, and now he was scared he would never get it again. All because he was an idiot, a coward.

All he had to do is pick up the phone and call them, but he'd made it into such a big thing in his head. He didn't know where to start. He knew they would probably understand, too, and that was the worst part. They were both so understanding it was unfathomable.

He sipped the bottle of whiskey, mind wandering aimlessly. Despite not wanting to think about Ty, his eyes fell to the place he used to kneel, and he took another big swig. Resting the bottle on his leg, he laid his head back and closed his eyes, letting the alcohol seep into his system.

Sometime later, the elevator dinged, and Tony peeled his eyes open. Pepper walked in. She was wearing a pencil skirt, and her hair was up in a bun, a few stray strands falling around her face. She had paperwork in her hand.

She stopped by the couch, eyes raking over Tony. Her gaze fell to the bottle, then her shoulders dropped, and she crossed the few feet to him, taking the bottle and sitting down on the couch with a huff. She tossed the paperwork beside her.

Tony half expected her to go pour it out, but instead, she uncapped it and took a drink. He raised a brow, a small smile on his face. “Well, Ms. Potts, what brings you to my humble abode?”

She rolled her eyes, taking another pull from the bottle. “Are you going to tell me what happened, or do I need to guess?”

“What makes you think something happened?”

“You’re here instead of in Vermont with those two lovely doms, or should I be calling them something else? They better not have hurt you.”

Tony sighed. “They didn’t do anything. It was me, which is the story of my life, right?” He dragged a hand over his face, shaking his head. “I don’t know what happened. Everything was going great. Our date went well, and we met up for a late lunch the next day. I don’t know what happened.”

Pepper hummed, undoing her bun and letting her hair fall. She raked her fingers through it. “Well, why did you leave?”

Tony huffed. “I told you. I don’t know. I just panicked. We, uh, started doing some stuff. I gave Bucky head, Steve jerked me off. It was a real Hallmark moment. I don’t know why I freaked.”

Pepper wrinkled her nose. “What Hallmark movies have you been watching?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re not getting it. I don’t know what happened. One minute I was close to subspace, and then the next.” He tossed up a hand. “I panicked.”

Pepper’s expression softened. “I think that’s a pretty reasonable reaction given the shit Ty put you through.” She set the bottle beside her, leaning forward. “Look at me, Tony.”

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, frowning a little.

“After what happened to you in subspace with Ty, it makes sense that you’d have a knee-jerk reaction like that to getting close. It’s going to take time, and probably therapy, not that you’ll listen to me.”

Tony scowled. “I hate therapy.”

“I know you’ve heard of Shield. I saw your donation last week to them. They have support groups and therapists. You should talk to them.”

Tony thought of Natasha and briefly wondered what he would even say to her, though he supposed he could just call their hotline for help. He’d liked Natasha, though. There was something about her that he trusted.

“I met their director, Shield’s, I mean.” Tony's mouth twitched, and he looked at Pepper. “She’s a good shit.”

He could see the questions forming in Pepper’s mind.

“Can I ask when you met her?”

Tony sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly and trying to release his tension with it. “She—Natasha—she’s a friend of Steve and Bucky. Small world, right?”

Pepper’s eyes widened a little. “That’s unexpected but not a bad thing. Maybe she could help connect you to some resources.”

“The only resource I need is that bottle and a few projects to keep me going.”

She shook her head, sighing. “That’s not true, and you know it. You’re better than your father, Tony.”

“Ouch, hitting below the belt.” He sighed. “Fine, you’re right, okay? But it’s hard, Pep. I don’t know how to do this.”

“Which is why you’ll reach out for help.” Then she got up, taking the bottle with her and putting it back in the minibar. “You can get better, Tony. I promise you. If you put the work in, things will get better, and in the meantime, maybe call those boys of yours. Let them know you're safe. I’m sure they’re worried.”

“Yeah, I know.”

* * *

Later that night, after sharing dinner with Pepper, Tony retired to his room and stretched out on the bed, back propped up on pillows. He had his phone out, and he unlocked the screen, pulling up his missed texts.

There were three unread messages. Two from Steve and one from Bucky. He flicked them open, swallowing against his nerves as he read.

 _Sorry if we pushed you too fast,_ Steve wrote. Then the next message was, _Call us if you need anything._

He clicked over to Bucky’s message next. It came late last night. _We’re here for you when you’re ready._

Sighing, Tony scratched at his goatee, then sent a message to both of them.

_Sorry about leaving. It wasn’t you. I don’t know how to explain._

A minute later, Steve was typing. _It’s okay. We just want to make sure you’re alright._

Then Bucky said, _We were worried._

Tony wanted to explain, but he didn’t think he could do it through text. Sighing, he called Steve’s phone, hoping they were together and able to talk.

“Tony.” Steve sounded surprised. “I’m glad you called. Bucky’s with me. I’ll put it on speaker.”

“Hey, Tony,” Bucky said. “I wasn’t lying when I said we were worried. How are you, babe?”

Tony sucked in a breath. “Fine, good, better, I guess. Definitely better. What happened—it was a mess. I mean, I was a mess. What we did was perfect—couldn’t have asked for better. I’m sorry I freaked. I don’t even know why I did, or maybe I do. You know about my last dom.”

Steve sighed into the phone. “We should have taken things slower.”

“We’re sorry,” Bucky said.

The last thing Tony wanted from them was an apology for doing nothing wrong. He worked his jaw, then said, “No, this is me, not you. I should be sorry. I knew I should’ve told you I was dropping, but I didn’t.”

“Dropping?” Steve questioned. “I don’t understand. How could I have missed you going down?”

“I didn’t, not really,” Tony explained, “but I got close—close enough. It’s confusing. Most of the abuse, what Ty did, happened when I was in subspace, so I guess my brain wired itself to panic when I get too close. I don’t—I don’t know how to fix it or if it can be fixed.”

It was Bucky who spoke next, his voice gravelly. “It makes sense, sweetheart. Your body’s just trying to protect itself. Not that I’m one to talk, but have you ever thought of talking to someone about it?”

Tony chewed his lip. “Yeah, maybe. It’s funny. You’re not the first person to suggest that today.”

“Tell me if I’m overstepping,” Steve said, “but if you’re interested, I could talk to Nat for you. I wouldn’t tell her anything you didn’t want me to, but I think she could be a good friend to have.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t—it’s not something I like people to know. Maybe it’s just how I was raised, but I don’t like showing weakness.”

Bucky was quick to answer. “Tony, babe, what you went through, that doesn’t make you weak—far from it. You’re so strong for making it through it in one piece, and you have nothing to be ashamed of, and I understand a little what it’s like to have your mind working against you, but in your case, it was just trying to keep you safe.”

“He’s right,” Steve said, cutting in. “Your reactions are just your mind's way of protecting you. It’s flight or fight, and from what I’ve read, it’s something we can overcome—together. If that’s something you still want.”

“Yeah, yes, that’s something I want. That was never in question,” Tony said, needing them to know he was still interested. “I just thought you might have changed your mind after seeing what I’m like.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Tony, nothing that would scare Bucky or me away, at least,” Steve said firmly, and Tony wanted to believe him. “We’re not changing our minds, especially over something like this.”

“I wanna make this work,” Bucky added. “I think this thing between us could be great.”

“Me, too,” Tony said, and he meant it.

The conversation shifted, and the exhaustion from the recent stress started to make itself known. Still, he kept the phone clutched to his ear, listening to them talk and occasionally humming in agreement. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep to their voices, dreaming good dreams for once, dreams with no Ty, no pain, just the three of them together. Maybe there was hope after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! If you did, I'd love to hear from you. I did enjoy writing this little angsty chapter though.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey comes for a visit. There are complicated Starbucks orders, Asshole is addressed, and a Star Wars marathon is had. Tony gets emotional, checks out Shield's website, and calls Steve and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took a bit to write. I have had a crazy busy week. I had a migraine strike today but thankfully I shook it enough to post. I hope you like it guys. A big thanks to Jadeys_Worlds and TheLostWeasley.

Tony shot awake sometime around sunrise, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Fuck!”

Somehow, he'd totally forgotten about Asshole. Thankfully, though, he had an automatic feeder and waterer at the house that lasted nearly a week, and it had only been a few days. Still, guilt settled in his gut. He’d been so wrapped up in wanting to escape that he hadn’t remembered the cat. It was the cactus all over again.

Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, he shot off a message to Steve, asking if he and Bucky could go to his house and feed the cat. Hopefully, it hadn't torn the curtains apart in boredom.

This changed some of his plans. He wouldn’t be able to stay in New York as he hoped. It had been a lingering thought that he’d stay for a few weeks, but now that was out of the question if he wanted to keep his cat, which he did. He’d struck a sort of truce with the demonic animal. They had a mutual understanding. The cat respected him, and he respected it.

He’d have to head back to Vermont sooner rather than later. Thankfully, he was feeling better, his nerves had settled some, but he still needed some room to breathe.

Steve answered his text quickly, despite the early hour. He said he’d head over soon, bringing Bucky with him since he was the cat whisperer. Tony told him where the spare key was hidden and where to find the cat food.

Then hesitating, he typed: _I’d like to stay in New York for a few more days. Could you take care of Asshole until I get back?_

Of course, Steve replied a moment later. _We can take care of things. Do what you need._

 _Thanks,_ Tony answered. _I’ll be back next week at the latest._

Tony put the phone down and then rolled onto his back, considering his options for the day. Pepper had asked if he could attend a few meetings, and he figured he could. He also wanted to tinker on some projects he’d started before Vermont.

Getting out of bed, he began his day.

By three that afternoon, he’d attended two meetings and had a pot of coffee. He was buzzing with energy. It felt good to be back in his element. Being useful, working, was important to Tony, and he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it while playing house in Vermont. When he returned next week, he’d need to develop a real plan for keeping up with the company. Maybe he could virtually attend some meetings and work on some projects while there.

Eventually, though, he’d need to come up with a long-term plan. He wondered if Asshole would mind the penthouse. He seemed like a free spirit, but Tony didn’t want to give him up. 

Then there was Steve and Bucky. Tony couldn’t live in Vermont, and he didn’t think they’d want to give up their life and friends. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but he worried a little for the future. If things did work out, how would they move forward? Maybe Tony could split his week between Vermont and New York. 

They’d figure something out when the time came.

Tony settled into his workshop, looking over the engine he’d been restoring but left unfinished. It would be a good project to keep his mind busy, but he had something else he wanted to do first.

Pulling out his phone, he texted Rhodey, telling him he was in New York. Then Tony stuffed it back into his pocket, rolled up his sleeves, and grabbed a wrench.

A few hours later, Tony got a reply from Rhodey, _Do I need a shovel for the bodies?_

It made Tony smile. Rhodey always looked out for him.

 _It’s not what you’re thinking,_ Tony replied. _Are you free for a visit?_

Rhodey answered a second later, _I’ll be there for lunch tomorrow. Stay out of trouble until then._

 _Will do, honey bear. See you then._ Then Tony put his phone away and turned back to the engine.

The next day Rhodey arrived in his workshop, wearing casual clothes and holding two cups from Starbucks.

“I knew you loved me,” Tony said with a smile, wiping his hands on a rag and coming to greet Rhodey. He made a kissy face, playfully trying to smooch Rhodey on the lips. The man batted him away, all but shoving the cup of coffee at Tony.

“Take this before I spill it on myself,” Rhodey said, wrinkling his nose.

Tony laughed, taking the cup. He examined it, gave it a sniff, then said, “Grande hot soy milk latte?”

Rhodey gave him an indulgent smile. “With seven shots of blonde espresso and four pumps cinnamon dolce syrup. Extra hot.”

“Did you remember the extra foam and light whip cream?”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Yes, and the extra cinnamon powder you love so much, all in a venti cup. Did you really think I’d get your order wrong?”

“Aw, you do love me.” He took a sip. It wasn’t too hot, and after the last few days of workshop coffee, it was heaven on his taste buds. “Marry me.”

Rhodey rolled his eyes, walking over to the ratty couch by the wall and sitting down. “I told you in college, and I’ll tell you now, I love you, but I won’t marry your eccentric ass. You’d drive me gray, or I’d end up pulling my hair out. Either way, I’m leaving that for some other poor sucker.”

Tony put a hand to his chest. “You wound me, and here I was willing to settle.”

“Settle?” Rhodey’s eyebrows were by his hairline. He scoffed. “Okay, so we’re playing it like that. I see.”

“Just kidding, sour patch. We both know you’d be the one settling.”

“Damn right,” Rhodey said. “Now, are you going to tell me why you’re here and not there?”

Tony scrunched his nose. “Yeah, that.”

Rhodey leveled his gaze on him. “I can make them disappear. Just say the word.”

Tony waved him off, grabbing the stool he was on earlier and sitting down. He took a long drink of his coffee and tried to think of where to start. He knew Rhodey meant well, but Tony found himself feeling a little protective of Steve and Bucky. He wanted Rhodey’s approval more than he should.

Sighing, he stared at a scuff on the floor. “It’s not what you think.” He looked up at Rhodey. “They didn’t do anything wrong. They were great.”

“But?”

Tony twisted his mouth. “But, I have issues, as you know. We had some fun together, not a scene, just fooling around, and after… I don’t know what happened. One second I was curled up between them feeling good, then the next, I was freaking out.”

“And by freaking out, you mean?” Rhodey asked, taking a sip of his coffee. “Did they do something to cause it?”

“No, no, they didn’t. Like I said, they were great. I just got all twitchy and anxious and … and scared, I guess. I don’t even know what.” Tony averted his eyes. “I bolted. I didn’t even give them an explanation, though since we’ve talked a little. Pepper thinks it has to do with Ty, so does Steve and Bucky.”

Rhodey hummed. “Well, that sucks, man. Honestly, I was hoping I could blame them for something because then there’d be something I could do about it, but I gotta agree with them. It sounds like a drop. It sounds like you got scared, which I wouldn’t blame you for.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Tony scratched his thumbnail against the cup. “The consensus seems to be that I should talk to someone, a professional. I just don’t know. You know how my dad was.”

Rhodey nodded a few times. “Yeah, I wish I’d taken the chance to punch him when I could have. He deserved it for messing with your head so much.”

“We could have sold the pictures.”

Rhodey laughed. Then he ran a hand over his mouth, shaking his head a little. “Look, Tony. I’ve known you a long time now, and I’ll never forgive myself for not stopping Ty sooner. I should’ve, man. I just thought you were all right. I thought you were handling it. I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Don’t. I’ve told you. It wasn’t your job to look after me.”

“Don’t try to tell me it wasn’t my place to protect my family. You’re my brother in all ways but blood.” Rhodey caught his gaze. “I don’t want to see you hurt again, but I also don’t want to see you struggling. I can’t go back and change what happened, but I can tell you what I see now, and that’s someone who needs some help. If you won’t talk to someone for yourself, then do it for me, for Pepper, do it for those two doms you like so much.”

Tony frowned, then nodded slightly. “Okay, I’ll look into it. No promises, though.”

Rhodey’s expression lightened. “Hey, that’s all I ask.”

Rhodey stayed for three days, and they split the time between the workshop and the penthouse. Rhodey helped him rebuild the engine for the Roadster. They ordered copious amounts of takeout and ate enough ice cream to fill the sink.

On the third night, Tony got emotional for reasons he didn't understand, and he found himself tearing up over an ice cream sundae while lying on the couch with his feet in Rhodey’s lap. His friend rubbed his feet and asked him what was wrong.

Tony's answer was to swipe at his eyes and grumble, “Nothing. I’m fine.”

The problem was Tony didn't know what was wrong. Everything had been great. His breakdowns over nothing were starting to become a problem.

Thinking about it, though. He knew part of the reason was that he missed Steve and Bucky. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to them much in the last few days, and he worried they might grow apart. What if they changed their minds and didn’t want him anymore? He didn’t like thinking about it.

He hated that he was on the verge of tears. It was absolutely pathetic to cry while watching The Empire Strikes Back.

There was a hollow ache in his chest, and he wished he could fill the void. He missed the warmth of laying against Steve’s chest and the security of Bucky's arms around him.

Part of him wished he hadn't left like he had. He wished he could have stayed and seen where else things could have gone. Looking back, he felt dumb for leaving, but maybe something good had come from it. He’d talked to Pepper and Rhodey, and it had helped him open up to Steve and Bucky.

Maybe they were right. Perhaps he did need therapy. It was a fact he couldn’t keep going like he was. He needed to be able to go down for his own health, if anything, and crying during movie night with Rhodey was just embarrassing.

He wanted to feel whole again, though he wasn’t even sure what that felt like anymore. It had been so long since he wasn’t a mess, or maybe he’d always been one. His father had started him off on a rocky path. He just missed being happy. He missed being able to trust. Tony wanted to be able to have a real relationship with Steve and Bucky. More than just dom and sub. Maybe he was selfish, but he wanted it all.

He needed to figure out something, and he had to do it soon. Every time he tried to even bring himself down using the app, he still almost dropped. This wasn’t how he wanted to live. He knew he deserved happiness. He wanted so desperately to be good. It was ingrained in him to want to search out praise. He tried not to let that show in his day-to-day life, but it was deeply part of him. Tony loved more than anything to be good, to be of service. Ty had abused that trait, and Tony had done so much just for scraps of reassurance and barely kind words.

Yeah, he needed to do something. He was a hot mess, and he knew it. He didn’t know how to ask for help, though. Steve had offered to open a door with Natasha, but Tony feared going through it. Talking about what had happened made it real in a way that otherwise he could ignore. He didn’t know if he was ready for a therapist to talk to him and see the damage, slap a label on him. Abused sub. Touch starvation. He didn’t even know what else.

Rhodey kept rubbing his feet, watching him, but Tony couldn’t summon the strength to talk. At least his tears weren’t falling now.

Tonight, after Rhodey went to sleep, he’d visit Shield’s website and look around, just see what he was getting into. He needed to take things slowly, in baby steps. Emotions weren’t always something Tony could do well, especially when it involved being vulnerable. His father had raised him to never show weakness. Tony always thought that man had wanted a dom for a son, and maybe that was why he spent so much time trying to harden Tony to the world. Whether it was to protect or hurt him, Tony didn’t really know. He liked to think it was the former, but he knew it was probably the latter.

Neither he nor Rhodey spoke for the rest of the movie. Tony didn’t watch it, though. His thoughts drifted to his father, then to Steve and Bucky, and then to Ty and Obadiah. He had a lot on his mind.

They called it a night, and Rhodey went to crash in the guest room, so Tony took his tablet to his bedroom. He stretched out on his bed, laying on his side, tablet in front of him. He pulled up Shield’s website.

The first thing he was greeted with was a message warning him that his browser searches were traceable, reminding him to be safe and to make sure to delete his history if there was a risk of his abuser watching.

That sent a twinge of something unnamable through him. He clicked through the popup and proceeded to the main page. The top of the screen had a big banner. “We are here to help,” it promised, followed by options to call or chat. He didn’t need that, so he went to the menu and looked around.

One of the tabs caught his eye: Signs of Abuse. Hesitantly, he clicked it. 

There were a few headers listed, categories such as Understanding Relationship Abuse and Power and Control. He clicked the Power and Control heading and read what followed. A diagram was broken into sections for different ways abusers worked, things like isolation, which, as he read, he could see how Ty had manipulated him.

Throughout their relationship, Ty had narrowed down his world until he had been alone. He could only talk to just a few people, the minimum required to keep appearances. By the end of things, Tony had been very isolated, which had made leaving seem impossible. If it hadn’t been for Pepper stepping in, he might not have ever had the strength to leave.

Swallowing hard, he moved onto another section. Coercion and threats. He read the examples, and his stomach dropped. He could relate to this, too. Ty would tell him how bad he was. If he didn’t do what he wanted, he’d withhold praise and aftercare and punish him more. He’d leave him to drop alone for resisting at all.

He shivered at the all too real memories. He recalled the way Ty would take Tony down, using methods he didn’t enjoy. It was purely for Ty’s pleasure. He’d get him desperate for any crumb of praise, and Ty would bleed him for whatever Obadiah wanted to know. Whenever he tried to stand up for himself, point out what was wrong, Ty and Obadiah would gaslight him together, making him doubt reality.

The reminders of all this were too much for one night, especially when he was alone, though Rhodey was only a few rooms away, and he’d sit with Tony if he needed it, hold him, no questions asked. He was good like that.

His thoughts danced around the past, and it made Tony feel uncomfortable in his own skin. Maybe going to Shield’s website had been a bad idea, at least when he was already emotional.

Needing to get away from it, he clicked the X in the corner and closed the browser. He couldn’t face it right now, not written out so plainly. It was too real.

Part of him wanted to text Steve and Bucky, but it was late, and what would he say? He didn’t want to always seem like a mess in front of them. He couldn’t keep showing his weaknesses.

But he really missed them, and it wasn’t _that_ late. Maybe they would still be up.

Tossing the tablet down on the bed, he took out his phone and pulled up their chat. The last message had been two days ago from Steve. It was a picture of Bucky curled up on Tony’s couch with the cat.

The image warmed something in his chest, and his lips twitched upwards.

 _Are you awake?_ Tony sent, then regretted it. It was after midnight, and they might be asleep. He was being selfish.

There was no response, and Tony’s stomach twisted in knots. He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted to hear from them until they didn’t answer. It looked like he’d have to wait, though, but when he was about to put his phone away, it buzzed with a new message. He hurriedly checked it, smiling when he saw it was from Bucky.

 _Can’t sleep?_ Bucky asked.

 _Have a lot on my mind,_ Tony answered, chewing his lip.

 _Steve says you think too much,_ Bucky replied. _Can I call?_

Tony was quick to answer. _Yes, please._

His phone rang a moment later. Bucky's voice greeted him after he said hello. “Hey, sweetheart, so you can't sleep, huh?”

“Yeah, I've tried, but I've had a lot on my mind, but it’s fine,” Tony said, not wanting to worry him. “I’ve dealt with this kind of thing before.”

“That’s not super reassuring. I wish you weren’t alone, though.”

“Oh, I didn't tell you,” Tony said. “My friend Rhodey came for a visit, so I’m not alone, alone. He’s in the guest room.”

“I’m glad you’ve got someone there. You haven't told us too much about Rhodey, but he sounds like a good guy. I hope he's taking good care of you.”

Tony smiled as he thought back over the last few days. “Well, we ate our weight in ice cream and lounged around the penthouse for two days without putting on real clothes. I think Pepper wanted me to attend some meetings, but all I've done is watch Star Wars.”

“That sounds great. Everyone needs to relax now and then.”

Tony enjoyed talking to Bucky, but he couldn’t help but wonder where Steve was. Was he listening? He missed them both. “Where’s Steve?”

“Curled up next to me, eavesdropping like a big mook.”

That made Tony smile. He pictured them lying together and wished he was there. “You can put it on speakerphone, you know.”

“Maybe I wanna keep you to myself. You talk to Steve enough.”

Tony smirked. “Am I sensing jealousy?”

“Maybe,” Bucky huffed, then said, “Hey, cut it out.”

Tony could hear a scuffle on the other end. “Cut what out?”

Bucky sounded a little further away than before. “Stevie's poking me in the side trying to take the phone.”

“As much as I love talking to you, I’d like to hear you both. Besides, we don't want him to feel neglected. He's like a damned Golden Retriever with those eyes.”

“Here you go. It’s on speaker. At least he’s stopped poking me in the side.”

Tony smiled, imagining them lying there joking around. He could just picture Steve teasing Bucky, and he could imagine Bucky grinning like the cat who got the canary, holding the phone out of his reach.

“So, what's keeping you up?” Steve asked, and Tony cringed. He didn’t want to talk about what was keeping him up, though he knew he probably should.

“A little of this and that.”

Bucky hummed. “I bet it’s more than that.”

Then Steve added, “It must be something important if it's bothering you enough to keep you up.”

Tony scrunched his nose, not wanting to delve into his many problems. “Yeah, I guess it's just everything, you know? Rhodey and Pepper both think I should talk to somebody, a professional, and you brought up talking to Natasha. I mean, things are getting out of hand. I cried tonight for no reason during Star Wars. I don't know. It's just a lot.”

Bucky whistled low. “You weren't kidding about having a lot on your mind and crying during Star Wars? Things must be pretty bad for you to cry during that movie.”

Then Tony said, “Don't remind me. Thankfully, Rhodey didn't say anything, though he glanced at me a few times, giving me a look. He doesn't like seeing me hurt, which I can't blame him for. I don't like seeing me hurt either.”

“We don't either, sweetheart,” Steve said. “So, have you thought about it?”

“About what?” Tony asked.

“Talking to someone.”

He groaned. “Yeah, I’ve thought about it. I even went on Shield’s website, though that was a disaster. I'm not sure I was ready to face the truth, at least alone after midnight. Some of the stuff on there was hard to read. It was like bringing to life everything that had happened, making it real.”

Then Bucky said, “That’s because it was real.”

“I know it was real. I mean, logically, I do, but it was easier to pretend it didn't happen to me. Up until tonight, I've always kept a distance between what had happened and myself, pretending it had happened to someone else. It didn’t hurt that much that way.”

“Sweetheart,” Steve breathed.

“It’s fine,” Tony tried to reassure them. “I’m totally fine.”

Bucky sighed. “But you’re not fine, babe. Pretending it didn’t happen isn’t healthy. I happen to know a thing or two about avoidance. I had to do mandated therapy when I got back from overseas. You’ve got to accept that it happened to make any progress. Sticking your head in the sand ain’t gonna cut it. It’ll just keep eating up your life.”

Tony knew he was right. It made sense. If he wanted to get better, he was going to have to face what happened. He was going to have to acknowledge there was a problem, though he’d already taken steps in that direction. He’d always been eccentric, done things a little differently, but now his quirks weren’t cute or funny. His reactions, his inability to go down, they were affecting his life for the worse. He couldn’t keep going like this.

“But I don't know what to do. It’s not that easy.” Tony sighed, staring up at his ceiling. “I guess you could talk to Natasha for me, Steve, tell her whatever you need to. Maybe she could help.”

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, sounding concerned. “I can ask for her recommendations without mentioning you.”

“Yeah, but then she’d wanna know why you were asking. It would put you in a bind. There is no reason to lie about it.”

Steve responded quickly. “It wouldn't be lying, not really.”

Tony shook his head, even though they couldn’t see him. “Omitting the truth is the same thing.”

Steve sighed. “All right, I'll talk to her. She and Clint are on vacation right now, but I don't think she would mind if I called. They're spending a week together at his brother's cabin, and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a break from Clint. He can be a lot.”

Tony frowned, feeling uneasy about disturbing her on her getaway. “I don't really feel comfortable bothering her while she’s on vacation.”

“It's fine, Tony, really,” Steve reassured him. “She wanted me to call anyways and check in with her about something else. I know she won’t mind.”

Normally, he'd be unsettled at the idea of someone knowing what he'd been through, but Natasha seemed like a good person. He knew he shouldn't feel ashamed about what had happened to him, but it still made him uncomfortable exposing himself like that. Natasha was a professional, though. She'd worked one on one with victims of sub abuse as a therapist before taking on her role as Director of Shield. He had no reason to doubt her professionalism.

Tony yawned. “It's getting late. I should let you guys go.”

“It's fine if you wanna stay on the phone. We don't mind you falling asleep on us,” Bucky said. “Steve can even bore you about how he spent the day gardening.”

“Gardening?” Tony asked.

Bucky laughed. “Someone needed to take care of your tomato plants for you. They're coming along, by the way. You've got baby tomatoes everywhere.”

Tony scrubbed a hand over his face. “I do, huh? That's great. I should be back in the next few days. Speaking of things I’ve neglected, how's Asshole doing? Has he missed me?”

Steve was the one to answer. “You'll be lucky if Bucky doesn't steal him. We've been at your house for hours every day just so Bucky can cuddle with him. The damned thing attacks me, though. I have scratch marks on my arm to prove it.”

Tony laughed. “Maybe he doesn't like blonds.” Then he yawned again. He really was tired. “I need to lay down. I have to be up early. Rhodey is leaving in the morning, catching an early flight.”

“All right,” Bucky said. “You do sound tired, babe. We’ll let you go. Maybe when you get back here, we can get together again. I know I’ve missed you a lot. and Stevie here has been sulking.”

“Can't have that now, can we?” Tony said. “A few more days, and I'll be back. Maybe I can make dinner this time. Though I warn you, I can't cook many things, but I make a mean ragu.”

“Sounds great, Tony,” Steve said. “Me and Bucky aren't picky. I'm sure whatever you make will be perfect.”

Steve was so damned earnest and good that it was almost too much. God, did Tony really miss them. He thought of how good it felt to be in their arms and couldn't wait to be back there. Hopefully, without the breakdown this time.

“I can't wait to see you again,” Bucky said. “Maybe we can talk again tomorrow.”

Tony smiled. “I'd like that. I'll talk to you then. Night.”

“Good night, Tony,” Steve said. “Get some rest. I'll let you know what Natasha says soon.”

Then Bucky said, “And remember, babe, if you need a shoulder or an ear, we’re a phone call away. Good night, Tony.”

“Thanks. Night, guys.”

Tony hung up the phone, feeling warmth spreading through his chest. He couldn't keep the smile off his face. It was nice to talk to them, and he couldn't wait until he saw them again. Maybe tomorrow they could video chat. He could think of a few things they could share on camera. Grinning, he put his phone on the nightstand, turned off the light, and waited for sleep.

He still felt a little anxious about what was to come, but he also felt really good about Steve and Bucky. If anything, over the last few days, Tony had come to realize how much he cared for them, and he hoped that they cared about him the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking this. I'm feeling weirdly insecure today. I don't know why. Probably the headache I had combined with the lack of sleep. Anyway, if you feel up to commenting, I would love to hear from you, but no pressure. I totally get it if you just aren't feeling it. Thank you guys so much, snarks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's still in New York. Steve and Bucky talk. Then they all video chat later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting to have a chapter done this fast, but the words were there. I really want to thank you guys so much for all the support and kinds words last chapter. I was really having a bad day, and you guys really cheered me up. I can't thank you enough for that. Thanks goes out to Jadeys_World for pre-reading, even though nothing about this story is her thing. lol.

After seeing Rhodey off at the airport, Tony headed back to the tower. He still had a few things to do for Pepper, a couple of projects he’d promised to look over, and that would take the rest of the afternoon. 

He hoped that after, he'd be able to settle down in his penthouse, have some dinner, and maybe video chat with Steve and Bucky. He knew they wouldn't be out of work until probably after six, so he didn't plan on calling until later. 

Thinking of their work, he hoped the air conditioner at their store was still running all right. He hoped Steve would call him if it needed to be fixed again. He didn't like to think of Bucky suffering.

Once he was back at the tower, he shot off a text to Pepper, telling her he was back in the building. She replied a moment later, asking if he could go to the R&D floor to meet with one of the department heads.

 _On my way,_ he replied a second later. 

Once he showed his face on the R&D floor, he couldn't get away. One person after the next found him, each with questions or wanting his approval for something. It took hours before he could extricate himself from the heap of projects thrown his way. 

His stomach grumbled unhappily as he finished up what he was working on, and he knew it was time to eat. Checking his watch, he saw that it was a little before five, which was a bit too early for dinner, but he’d skipped breakfast and lunch. He hadn’t eaten at all today unless you counted the copious amount of coffee he’d consumed. 

He took the elevator to the penthouse, calling Pepper on the way to tell her that he was done for the day. If she needed anything else, she'd have to wait. Dealing with people like that was not his idea of a good time. Don't get him wrong. He enjoyed work. He just didn't enjoy people. If he could, he'd stay holed up in his workshop all day. There was a certain peace when he could zone out on a project. When he really got into something, it was like everything else melted away.

He stepped off the elevator and into the penthouse. It felt emptier without Rhodey there. He went to the kitchen and dug through the cabinets. There wasn't much to pick from. It wasn't like he and Rhodey had done any shopping, though he'd had a few groceries delivered. 

Cooking wasn't his strong suit, but he could throw together something in a pinch. Jarvis, the family butler, had taken him under his wing and taught him a lot about life, including how to cook a few meals. 

Tony's mother had been good in the kitchen from what he remembered, but she was never around much, always floating in and out of the house, attending events, and promoting her charities. 

She did teach him how to make her famous red sauce, though, and a few other Italian dishes. As her parents had immigrated over from Italy. It was important to her that Tony knew where he came from, and she’d made sure to teach him Italian from a young age, despite his father thinking it was useless knowledge. 

The memories he had of his mother in the kitchen were good ones. He clung to them tightly. He missed his mother, and looking back, he wished he'd given her more credit for surviving what she had. Now that he was an adult, he could see his father for what he was, and he could recognize the signs of abuse his mother went through. Honestly, it was a miracle that he wasn't more of a mess.

Finding a loaf of bread, he decided he'd make a sandwich, maybe a grilled cheese. It wasn't fancy, but it was simple and tasted good. He grabbed a butter knife out of the drawer and the cheese and butter from the fridge. He quickly assembled it and then grabbed a pan for frying. All in all, it only took a few minutes for him to produce something edible.

Leaving the mess for later, he put his grilled cheese on a plate and went to the living room. His tablet was still on the coffee table. He kicked his feet up and took a bite of his sandwich. It was a little burnt, but it would do. It tasted amazing after eating nothing all day. It was the perfect comfort food. Ana, Jarvis’ wife, used to make them for him after school. 

He checked the time and saw that it was nearly six. Steve and Bucky would be closing up shop soon. Taking out his phone, he shot off a quick text.

* * *

Steve's phone buzzed in his pocket as he finished counting the drawer. It had been a busy day at the store, but thankfully the air conditioner was working great, making Bucky a lot more comfortable. Since Tony had fixed it, he hadn't seen Bucky hiding in the back room rubbing his shoulder.

Bucky walked up to him, nudging him in the side with his elbow. “Hey, sexy.”

Steve grinned, bumping him with his hip. “Hey yourself. Did you help Mrs. Rodriguez with her flowers?”

“Yeah, I got them into her car for her.”

The money in the register was right, so he closed the drawer and then leaned his hip against the counter. “I'm sure she liked having a big beefcake like you help. She might be eighty, but she sure has eyes for you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Whatever, you just wish you looked this good.”

Steve laughed, then snagged his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked the screen and checked his messages, heart fluttering a little when he saw one from Tony.

 _Miss you,_ the message read.

“What are you staring at all dopey-eyed?” Bucky asked, leaning towards his phone, trying to read the screen upside down. “Is that from Tony?”

“Yeah, he just sent it.”

“Well, tell him that we miss him, too, and to hurry up and get back here.”

Steve gave him a look. “I'm not going to pressure him, Buck. That's not fair, and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah, we both know you miss him, too, and want him to get back here.”

Of course, Steve missed him, but he also didn't want to pressure Tony. He had some experience from dealing with Bucky after they got back from overseas. Pushing someone to do something before they were ready never turned out well. He wanted Tony to know that he can take his time, that they'd give him space to work through things. Helping Bucky had taught him to be patient, but even with all that in mind, Bucky was right. He missed him like crazy.

He typed out a reply to Tony. _Miss you, too. Hope to see you soon._

He thought that was a fair compromise. It let him know that they missed him without pushing too much.

A reply from Tony came a moment later. _Can we video chat tonight?_

“What's he saying?” asked Bucky, and then he was leaning over again, too impatient to wait for the answer and trying to read it for himself.

“He wants to video chat tonight? You up for that?”

Bucky shrugged, chewing his lip a little. “Yeah, I guess. You don't think he wants to, you know, do stuff on camera, do you?”

Steve frowned. He hadn't really thought about it, but now he was wondering what Tony meant. He wasn't opposed to the idea, but he was afraid of going too fast after what happened last time they were intimate.

“I don't know, maybe?”

“Well, we can always do it and see how it goes. Maybe it makes me selfish, but I love the sounds that Tony makes when he gets off, and I want to hear them again.”

A small smile tugged at Steve's lips. “He makes the prettiest faces, too.”

Bucky laughed. “Look at you getting all gooey over him. Can't really say much, though. I'm not much better.”

“You're really not,” Steve chuckled. “Okay, I'll tell him we can do it tonight, and we'll just see where things go. We just gotta make sure we don't push him. With everything that he's been going through, I don't wanna put extra pressure on him.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I think you're right. I know I don't have the best instincts anymore, but I think Tony has a strong desire to please, a real praise seeker from what I'm picking up. I think if we're not careful, he'll do something just because he thinks we want it.”

“And that wouldn't be good,” Steve said. “Tony needs to be in control. His ex broke our most fundamental rules. Subs should always have the power, and I think that was stripped from Tony in a lot of ways.”

“Are you gonna talk to Nat soon?” Bucky asked.

Steve hummed in the affirmative as he replied to Tony, telling him they would call around eight.

 _It's a date then,_ Tony replied.

“Yeah, I'm gonna call her tomorrow. I want to do it before Tony gets back.”

“What are you gonna say?”

Steve sighed, leaning his weight against the counter. “I have no idea. I know I brought the idea up, but I hadn't thought through what I would say. It feels a little wrong to break his confidence, even if I do have his permission.”

“She's good at what she does, though, and I think she'll understand once you tell her a little about what's going on.”

Steve stuck his phone back in his pocket. “She and Tony seemed to get along pretty well at the barbecue.”

“I talked to Clint before he went on vacation, and he said that Tony had donated another million to Shield recently. I guess Natasha couldn't believe it. It's going to help out a lot of subs.”

“He's got a big heart, doesn't he?” Steve said, with a little wisp of a smile on his face. “He's been through so much, yet he still helps others. I just don't understand how someone could hurt a person like him. When I think about what his ex did, I just get so mad.”

Bucky nodded a few times. “I know what you mean. I've seen that look in his eyes, where he’s not sure about himself. I have a feeling he's the sweetest sub when he goes down. I just wanna give him all the praise and reassure him.”

“You and me both, bud.”

They finished closing the store and then headed home. Bucky went into the house to start dinner, and Steve went to check the chickens. Sometimes they would lay eggs late in the day. After making sure the chickens were okay, he went to find Bucky, his stomach rumbling a little.

He could smell Bucky cooking when he came into the house, though he wasn't sure what he was making. When he got to the kitchen, Bucky was standing at the stove, flipping burgers. The condiments were all out on the table next to the plates and the pack of buns.

He walked up behind Bucky and slipped his arms around his waist, pressing his lips to the nape of Bucky's neck. Then he rested his chin on Bucky's shoulder, looking down at where he was cooking.

“Looks good, babe,” Steve said. 

He loved being this close to Bucky. They fit together perfectly.

“It's nothing special, just some hamburgers. Oh, and we're out of pickles, sorry.”

“That's fine, so you looking forward to talking to Tony tonight?”

Bucky hummed. “I really miss him, you know.”

“I know what you mean. He felt so good in my arms like he belonged there.”

“He'll be back soon, and hopefully, we can pick up where we left off.”

Steve gave him a squeeze, then released him, and got the plates ready as the burgers were almost done.

They ate at the table, talking about their day. When they were done, Steve cleared the plates and washed the dishes. After checking the time, he saw they had enough time to shower before their virtual date with Tony.

Both him and Bucky were sweaty from working at the hardware store all day, and a shower would be nice, even if Tony wasn't there to appreciate it.

Bucky grumbled about taking a shower, but he let Steve manhandle him into the bathroom. They stripped each other down and then stepped into the oversized stall.

Steve and Bucky hadn't been intimate since they were with Tony last, and despite wanting to indulge himself with Bucky in the shower, it felt a little wrong to do it without Tony. They were in a relationship now, and the boundaries were still a little unclear. Maybe part of him just really wanted to be with Tony again. He thought Bucky might be feeling the same way because he didn't make a move on Steve either.

After their shower, they each slipped on boxers and a t-shirt and went to lay on their bed. Steve took a detour to the dresser to grab their tablet. If they were going to video call him, it would be better than the phone.

They each sat with their backs against the headboard, legs stretched out on top of the covers. It was a few minutes after eight, so Steve looked at Bucky and said, “Are you ready?”

“As I'll ever be.”

Steve found Tony's contact information and initiated the call. They only had to wait a moment before it connected. 

The sight that greeted them nearly stole Steve’s breath. Tony's hair was dripping wet, a mess of curls on his head, probably from a shower, and he didn't have a shirt on. Water droplets fell from the tips of his hair onto his chest and shoulders, rolling down his body. He looked a little frantic like he'd ran to answer the phone. Steve couldn't help but wonder what else he was wearing. 

“Did we catch you at a bad time?” Steve asked, watching as Tony dried his hair with a towel, confirming his theory about the shower.

Tony smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little. “You're fine. I was just running a little late. I made a mess in my workshop, and Dum-e, my helper robot, sprayed me with a fire extinguisher. I had to run up here and take a shower before you called.”

“You look good like that,” Bucky said with a grin, and Steve nudged him with his elbow to behave. Bucky shot him a look, then turned his attention back to Tony. “We just took a shower, too.”

“Oh really, I'm sorry I missed out on that,” Tony said, throwing the towel out of the frame. His camera shifted as he seemed to lay down against the headboard, mirroring their poses. “So, how was work?”

Steve was the one to answer. “The usual, Bucky earned his brownie points with the eighty-year-old lady from down the street by carrying out her flowers to the car. He's a ridiculous flirt, but I think you know that.”

Tony laughed. “Trying to replace me already, huh?” 

Bucky snorted. “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. I'm not interested in Mrs. Rodriguez.”

Then Steve asked, “How was your day, I mean, other than getting sprayed with a fire extinguisher?”

Tony tipped his head back and forth. “It was alright, I guess. I didn't get much done, though this last week I've caught up with a lot of work, even with the few days I spent with Rhodey.” Tony scratched his chin. “I'll have to take some projects home with me when I come back. I can't ignore work like I have been. There are too many things that need to be done, but I shouldn't have to fly back to New York for at least a few weeks. I'm hoping to be able to do most of my stuff virtually.”

“That's great,” Steve said. He'd been wondering how Tony would handle work. He knew it couldn’t be easy for someone like him to take time off. He'd worried about how he was going to handle returning to work and still staying in Vermont. One of his fears was that Tony would leave them someday, returning to New York and not coming back. 

There was still a lot up in the air about how they would make things work, but Tony's plans reassured him.

Tony frowned a little, looking off to the side, then turning back to meet their gaze. “So, um, have you talked to Natasha?”

Steve drew a breath, letting it out through his mouth. “Um, no, not yet. I was going to call tomorrow. Did you change your mind about me talking to her?”

Tony's eyes went a little wide, and he shook his head. “What? No. I still want you to talk to her. I guess I'm just really nervous. I'd just rather get it over with than sit here waiting for it to happen.”

“I can understand that,” said Bucky. “It can't be easy what you're going through. I remember waiting for my first therapy appointment. Stevie thought I was gonna pace a hole in the floor that morning, but I promise you, it gets better. Pretty soon, you'll be looking back on this, wondering why you were even worried to begin with.”

Tony scrunched his nose a little. “Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It doesn't feel that way. Seems like this is never gonna end right now.”

Steve hated watching Tony be so lost. He wished he was there right now, so he could hold him, so they could both hold him.

Despite how Tony reacted the last time they were together, he had a feeling Tony was a very tactile person. He seemed to melt into their touch, and again, it made Steve wonder how someone could hurt someone so pure. 

“I've been there, babe,” Bucky said. “I know it doesn't feel like things will get better, but they will. It just takes time. I mean, I'm still struggling a little. It's not easy changing designations.”

Tony's expression turned a little sad. “But you know that doesn't bother me, right? I really meant it when I said I liked you just how you are. If anything, I think it could be kind of hot to watch you go down for Steve. I mean, I'm not ready yet, but someday, I'd like Steve to dom us both at the same time.”

Steve struggled to keep his expression neutral because the image that Tony painted was one he’d dreamed about. He wanted that more than anything. Don't get him wrong. It would be nice to dom Tony together, but there was something alluring about the idea of dominating Bucky and Tony at the same time. 

“You'd really like that?” Bucky asked, sounding a little disbelieving. “I know there's nothing wrong with being a switch, but it's just hard to wrap my head around. I've always been a dom, you know? Some days it still feels a little weird to sub.”

“Well, you don't have to feel weird around me,” Tony said. “I happen to like it. I'll take whatever you give, accept whatever kind of partner you want to be. If you always wanted to sub for Steve and never dominate me, that's fine. I'll be happy either way.”

Steve's heart swelled at Tony's words. It meant so much to him that he was accepting of Bucky. It could be easy for someone to feel uncomfortable around him because of what he'd been through, but Tony took it in stride. Steve could practically feel the waves of relief coming off Bucky. 

“Thank you, Tony,” Bucky breathed. “That means a lot.”

Tony gave him a little smile. “It's nothing, really. I mean, look what I'm asking you to put up with. What kind of person would it make me if I judged you when I'm such a mess myself?”

“There's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart,” Steve said, needing him to understand that his past didn't matter. Neither he nor Steve cared about his baggage because they had their own. 

Tony scoffed, shaking his head a little. “Yeah, well, that's up for debate. Enough about this depressing stuff. How's your arm been, Bucky?”

Bucky glanced down at his hand, wiggling his fingers, then shrugged. “Having the AC in the store fixed has helped. It still aches sometimes, but nothing a few Tylenol can't fix.”

“He hasn't been hiding in the backroom in pain,” Steve added, “so it's been a little better.”

A frown touched Tony's face, etching a little line between his brows. “I wish it wasn't hurting you at all. I looked into a few things while I was here, and I didn’t see an easy fix, but I still might know how to help. I'm just not sure it's an idea that’ll work.”

“Hey, I'm just happy to have the arm. I can deal with a few aches and pains,” Bucky said, leaning his shoulder into Steve a little bit, and Steve slipped an arm around him, giving him a little squeeze.

As much as he wished there was something that could be done, he didn't blame Tony because he couldn't fix it. He was just thankful that Bucky had been given a chance to get one of the new prosthetics. They'd only been given to a few vets. Things were still a little experimental, but it was so much better than any of the other prosthetics on the market. Tony was really changing the world with his inventions.

“With your permission, I'd like to look over your records personally, though,” Tony said. “It might be a long shot, but maybe I could look into a way to block the nerve pain. I mean, we’re already messing with the nerves by attaching the arm. It might be possible to do something about the constant ache, but I won't know unless I take a look at your scans.”

“Yeah, of course,” Bucky said. “I have all the records at the house, or I can sign a release for you, whichever you want. Just let me know.” 

“Thanks, I'll bring some paperwork with me when I see you next, and I'll grab any records you have. Like I said, it's a long shot, but I want to try. I mean, you'll essentially be signing up to be my Guinea pig. Are you up for that?”

“If it means a chance at living pain-free, I'll happily be your Guinea pig. Just don't expect me to start eating vegetables.”

Steve laughed, and so did Tony.

“Bucky likes his meat,” Steve said with a smile.

Tony waggled his eyebrows. “I bet he does.”

“Shut up, you two,” Bucky chided. “Sometimes you're worse than little kids.”

“Oh, like you're one to talk,” Tony said. “I think I remember you saying something about taking an interest in whatever pops up after our first date. Does that ring a bell?”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, okay, I'll give you that one.”

Seeing them both happy felt good to Steve, and he wouldn’t give it up for the world. 

And even though they weren't together in person, it was still nice. It felt good to laugh with the two people he cared about. Bucky was warm and solid beside him, grounding him, and Tony was smiling on the screen, making the corners of his eyes crinkle. The sight warmed his heart.

The only thing that could make it better would be if they were together in person, but he’d take what he could get. This was enough for tonight. 

They talked for a little while longer, laughing and joking, but Steve could see that Tony's eyes were tired, and not for the first time, he wondered if Tony was getting enough sleep.

They hung up with a promise from Tony that he would be home in the next day or two, and then Bucky curled around Steve, kissed his neck, and told him that he loved him. Steve echoed his words without hesitation. They fell asleep twisted together, anxiously waiting to see Tony again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it. I feel like not a lot happened, maybe because it was just a lot of dialogue. But I hope you liked it. Thank you so much again, guys. You are all amazing readers to have.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony returns to Vermont. They get together and talk over food. Natasha calls. Asshole is an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Jadeys_World for helping me brainstorm. And to UisceOneLove for cheering me on.

Tony got up early before the sun and gathered his things. He was going back to Vermont today; the plane he’d chartered would be leaving soon. He’d said his goodbyes to Pepper the night before over a dinner of pad Thai from the place she liked, and because he couldn't sleep, he'd packed his bags last night.

His head was still a little scattered, but it was better. While he was visiting, Pepper had helped him a little, ultimately not reaching subspace, but her direction and praise helped ease his nerves. He was still feeling the uncomfortable itch under his skin, though.

He needed to go down soon, really go down, not just touching the edges of subspace. He wasn't at risk of slipping yet; at least he didn't think he was, but he had to do something soon. Maybe he could use the app when he got back, though part of him wished he could let Steve or Bucky help him. He didn't think he was ready, though. What if he made a fool of himself again?

Happy gave him a ride to the airport, seeing him off with a pat on the shoulder and a wish of good luck. The plane ride back to Vermont was quick, and within a few hours, he was landing at the small airport. His car was where he'd left it, untouched. It spoke to the quiet nature of the area that he didn't need to worry about someone breaking into it.

It felt strange to be around all the trees and open fields again. It was like trying to fit back into a dream. He wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. He decided not to overthink it, though.

He noticed the lawn had been mowed when he pulled back into the yard, and the flowers were blooming. Somebody had been watering everything. He imagined it was Steve or Bucky, and the thought of them caring made his heart swell a little.

After shutting off the car, he grabbed his bags and headed into the house. He was anxious to see Asshole again, wanting to see for himself that he was okay. Taking care of something living had never been Tony's strong suit. He could barely remember his own birthday most of the time. It required a lot of him to look after another being. 

As Rhodey had said, it was probably a good thing he’d never had kids. Besides the challenge of looking after another human, the idea of having kids scared him. He didn't want to be like his father. That was his biggest fear. Despite how difficult it was to be a sub at times, knowing that he wasn't a dom like his dad made him happy. It gave him hope that he could be better.

As Tony stepped into the living room, Asshole ran out from underneath the couch, like a black streak of lightning, heading straight for him. Tony crouched down and extended a hand, wiggling his fingers, trying to entice the cat closer.

“Here, kitty kitty,” he called.

The cat stopped a few feet away from him, eyeing him suspiciously. Tony kept his hand out and waited.

“I'm sorry I forgot you. It was shitty of me. Forgive me?”

Asshole trotted over and butted his head against Tony's fingers. It brought a smile to Tony's face, and he scratched the cat behind the ears. 

“Good kitty,” Tony said, enjoying it as the cat purred. It seemed all was forgiven. If only the rest of the world was so easy to navigate.

But then, as quickly as the cat had come over, its mood changed. When Tony went in to brush his fingers over his head again, the cat turned and bit his hand, making Tony draw it back with a yelp.

“You fucking asshole!” Tony snapped, rubbing the bite mark on his hand. The cat regarded him with an unimpressed look, then trotted off towards the couch. “Yeah, screw you too!”

Maybe the cat was exactly like the rest of the world, unpredictable and hard to please. 

Straightening, Tony grabbed his bags from the floor and headed up to his room. It didn't take him long to unpack. When he finished, he slipped into some more comfortable clothes, a pair of grey sweats that were a little too big on him, puddling around his feet on the floor, and a black tank top. He didn't bother with socks or shoes.

It was early afternoon, so there was still plenty of time left in the day. He had a few things he wanted to do, like check on his tomato plants, find some food, and text Steve and Bucky. Maybe not in that order, though. He wasn’t sure where to start, but his stomach rumbling helped him decide. Food it was, then. 

It had been a week since he had been in the kitchen last, so a few things had expired, not that he had a lot to begin with. He was horrible about grocery shopping. He could send away for groceries in the city and have them delivered, but there wasn't a service for that out here. It was nice when Pepper had visited, and she’d gone shopping. It was too bad he couldn't pay her to do it every week.

Checking the fridge, he found some expired milk, two slices of sketchy ham from the deli, and a block of cheese. Definitely not the makings of a lunch. Shutting the fridge door, he scrubbed a hand over his mouth, scratching at his goatee. His eyes fell to the fruit bowl, and he scrunched his nose a little when he saw the brown bananas. Those weren’t edible, but the apples in the bowl looked okay.

Pushing the decomposing bananas to the side, he grabbed a Red Delicious, giving it a gentle squeeze to see if it yielded under pressure. It seemed fine, so he cleaned it off on his shirt and took a bite. It wasn’t very sweet, and it was just on the edge of becoming a bit too old. The flesh was a little on the mealy side. He didn’t even remember buying them. He must have been tired when he went shopping. In his opinion, the Red Delicious was a crime against apples. 

As he ate it, he thought of Steve and Bucky and wondered what they were doing. It was a Thursday, so he thought they might be at work, but then again, they owned the place, so maybe they didn't work every day. 

Taking his phone from his pocket, he pulled up their group chat and sent out a message saying he was home. His eyes lingered on the screen, rereading their old texts, making him smile. He really did enjoy talking to them.

Stuffing his phone back in his pocket, he threw the apple core in the trash and headed out the side door to check his garden. 

The warm grass felt good on his bare feet as he walked across the lawn. Bucky had said that Steve had been tending it, and when he got out there, he saw that the plants were doing great. And just like they had said, there were medium-sized tomatoes all over them. Some of them were even turning red. It wouldn't be long at all before he had a crop to take in. He looked forward to being able to make his mother's red sauce. He just hoped he could remember how. It had been years since he tried to do it.

Sighing, he went back into the house and waited to hear from Steve and Bucky.

* * *

Bucky walked in from the backroom holding his phone. “Did you get the text from Tony? He said he’s home.”

Steve finished cashing out the customer, then turned to Bucky. “I heard my phone go off, but I didn’t know it was him. That’s great that he’s back in town.”

“Is this your friend Tony?” Thor asked as he restocked the display on the counter.

Steve glanced at Thor. “Uh, yeah, from the barbecue. We’re—I guess we’re dating now. The three of us.”

Thor clapped Steve on the arm, looking at Bucky with a big smile. “That’s excellent news. I’m happy for you. We should all hang out again soon.”

Bucky nodded. “We should. I think he’d like that.”

“I look forward to it,” Thor said, then took the empty box from the counter and carried it out back, leaving Steve and Bucky alone.

“I’d really like to see him again,” Bucky said, rubbing his neck. “If it weren’t so crazy, I’d say we go now, but I don’t want to overwhelm him, either, you know. He did just get back and all.”

Steve chewed his lip for a minute thoughtfully. “I don’t see what harm it could cause just to ask him. Maybe we could go over for a little bit after work. I think he’s probably missed us, too.”

That surprised Bucky. He hadn’t expected Steve to agree. He was usually the cautious one, careful not to overstep. Tony must be on his mind, too.

Bucky nodded a few times, swiping open his phone. “Yeah, okay, we can do that. I’ll just text him then.”

Bucky shot off a text asking if they could come over to visit later. They usually wouldn’t be home until after six, but Bucky figured they could leave a little early. Thor was working, and the store was quiet. He should be able to close, no problem.

His phone buzzed with a reply. He glanced at the screen, smiling as he read the words. He’d said yes and asked them if they would pick up some food on the way. They could do that.

“Looks like we’re going over for a visit.”

Even though they had talked about what had happened, and Tony had reassured them he was okay. It would still be nice to see Tony in person again, to touch him and know that he was okay. The last week had hung heavily on Bucky—Steve, too.

“I was hoping to hear from Nat before we saw him again, but I guess she must be busy with Clint.”

Bucky frowned a little. “When did you call her?”

“This morning. I left a message. I told her it wasn’t urgent but that I needed to talk to her.”

“I’m sure she’ll get back to you soon. It’s not like it can’t wait a day.”

Steve hummed in the affirmative. “That's true.”

They cut out of work around four, making sure to stop for some food on the way. Bucky texted the group chat to tell Tony they were on their way.

It surprised Bucky that Tony had asked them for food. He didn’t strike Bucky as the type to ask for something for himself, more the type to solve his own problems, so he must be hungry, busy, or both, to request them picking it up.

Unsure what Tony wanted, they went with the old standby of pepperoni pizza because it was hard to go wrong with that. Bucky grabbed a six-pack, too, just in case.

The beers were sweating by the time they got to Tony’s house. It was still so damned hot out, and it made Bucky’s shoulder ache a little. The AC in Steve’s truck wasn’t great. He couldn’t wait to get inside Tony’s house to cool off.

The gravel crunched under the truck tires as they pulled into Tony’s driveway. They had been here a lot in the past week. Taking care of the lawn, the flowerbeds, Tony’s garden, and of course, the cat. Bucky didn’t mind, though, and he was pretty sure Steve didn’t either. Spending time at his house had helped soothe their nerves after Tony left. It let them feel connected despite the distance between them.

Bucky took the pizza, and Steve took the beers, and they walked up to the house, finding Tony sitting on the porch. He stood as they approached, his gray sweats barely clinging to his hips. They didn’t look like they belonged to him, and the words _Air Force_ were written down the leg, making him wonder who they belonged to. He had styled his hair and his goatee sharp, but there were bags under his eyes. Not for the first time, Bucky wondered how much sleep he had been getting.

He and Steve had both talked about it before. Steve suspected that Tony had nightmares, something Bucky understood. Nightmares were a familiar thing for them. Though Bucky's tended to be the worst and the most dangerous, Steve and Bucky each had their fair share. Sometimes he would wake up and throw his arm out at an invisible attacker but hit Steve with his metal arm instead.

Thankfully, Steve could take a hit, but it worried him a little about adding Tony to the relationship. He didn't want to have a nightmare like that in front of Tony and hurt him. He’d never forgive himself if that happened.

“You look good, Tony,” Steve said, a warm smile on his face. “We've missed you this last week.”

“We really have,” Bucky added. “I just hope the time away has helped.”

Tony's mouth twitched, caught somewhere between a smile and a frown. “I think it helped. Maybe it didn't fix everything, but it let me clear my head. I just hope you guys know it wasn't you.”

Even though Tony was absolving them from any wrongdoing, he couldn't help but feel responsible, at least a little. Even though he wasn't a real dom anymore, it was still his responsibility to read the room. He should have seen that Tony was in trouble, that he was dropping, but then again, Steve hadn't seen it either. Tony had hidden it well. In the future, they’d just have to do better about communicating. The last thing Bucky wanted was for someone to get hurt.

Tony's eyes fell to the beer in Steve's hand. “Oh, you did think of everything. Let's go inside and eat. The only thing I've eaten in the last eighteen hours was an apple, and it wasn't even a good one.”

That bothered Bucky a little. He wished Tony would take better care of himself. He needed to sleep and eat. He needed to go down regularly. Bucky was a caretaker at heart, and Tony wasn't taking good care of himself. He itched to do something about it, but he didn't want to overstep, so instead, he bit his tongue and followed Tony into the house.

* * *

Steve followed Bucky and Tony into the house. The air inside was much cooler, and it felt good against his sweaty skin. Steve was glad that Tony's AC worked so well because it would make Bucky more comfortable.

Tony led them into the living room, flipping on lights as he went. Steve set the beer down on the coffee table, taking one out.

“You want one?” Steve asked in Tony's direction, holding up the beer.

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good,” Tony said with a smile, and Steve popped the cap off the beer, holding it out to him. He’d get himself another. “I'd love one after the day I've had. It sucks traveling.”

Bucky set the pizzas down beside the beer. “I'm not a big fan of flying either. Can't stand being packed in like sardines.”

Tony took a sip of his beer. “Well, a perk of being a billionaire is that I get to travel in style. Private jet all the way, baby.”

Bucky raised a brow. “I should've known. I guess that makes a big difference, and you should really eat something before you start drinking a beer.” He nodded his head toward the pizza.

Steve glanced at Bucky shaking his head a little. He knew what a mother hen Bucky could be. He tended to fret about the smallest things. Even when they were kids, he was always patching Steve up, nursing him back to health when he was sick. Bucky’s mother always thought he would turn out to be a nurse or a doctor. It surprised everyone when they both enlisted.

“Sorry about Buck. He tends to worry. If I were you, I would just eat the pizza.” Steve laughed. “He'll keep nagging you until you do.”

Tony ducked his head a little, a smile playing on his lips. “Wouldn't want you to worry.” Then he set his beer down on the coffee table and got himself a slice of pizza. “See nothing to worry about, mom. I'm eating.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and said, “Good because it doesn't seem like you got a lick of sense sometimes.”

Tony had a mouthful of food, but he still showed his emotions just fine by flipping Bucky off, making Steve laugh.

“Maybe later, babe,” Bucky said with a wink.

Steve felt his chest tighten a little. He knew Bucky was just joking, but he didn't wanna push Tony or make him feel uncomfortable. What they shared together before had been amazing, but it was clear that if they were going to do something again, they would need to go slow. Steve was still beating himself up for dropping the ball and not seeing Tony was in trouble. As a dom, his job was to ensure that his partner was safe, especially when that person was an abused sub.

He had spent many sleepless nights this last week, replaying the events in his head, trying to figure out the moment when things started going south, but for all his efforts, he never did narrow it down much.

As far as he could tell, it was nothing that Bucky or Steve did to cause it. His insecurities seemed to have grown as they cuddled in the afterglow. He wished there was something he could have done, though. Maybe he could have supported him more, assured him they wouldn’t leave him alone. Tony seemed to really like verbal reassurances.

“So, who do you know in the Air Force?” Bucky asked, leaning back in his spot on the couch.

Tony stood by the mantle eating his pizza. He walked over to the chair and flopped down, kicking up his leg to show off where his pants read _Air Force_. “You mean because of these?”

Steve had been curious about it, too. They didn't realize Tony knew anybody in the military, and he was pretty certain that Tony had never joined up.

Tony dropped his leg, taking another bite of pizza, talking around the mouthful. “I stole them from Rhodey. I know I've mentioned him to you before, but I don't think I've ever told you much about him.”

“I take it Rhodey’s a few sizes bigger than you,” Bucky said with a smirk.

“He's taller, but I think everybody is taller than me.”

Steve took a sip of his beer and then rested the bottle on his leg. “I didn't know Rhodey was in the Air Force. Is he still serving?”

“He's a full bird Colonel, mostly works out of DC now. Weapons procurement. Back when I used to make weapons, he handled the contracts.”

Bucky looked impressed. “A Colonel, huh? You definitely like to keep your friends in high places.”

Tony shrugged. “I've known him since he was seventeen and decidedly less cool. I was fifteen. He was a science nerd like me at MIT.”

“You went to college together? And at fifteen?” Steve asked, genuinely curious. He was enjoying hearing these little details of Tony's life.

“Yep, we were roommates, both of us prodigies, I guess you could say,” Tony explained. “We were both too young to be there alone. I'd like to say we kept each other out of trouble, but that would be a lie. Neither of us could keep our noses clean. We were always doing something we shouldn't.”

Bucky shook his head. “I can only imagine the kind of trouble two teens get into in college.”

“It wasn't pretty,” Tony said. “There were a lot of parties we shouldn't have gone to, and then there was the time Rhodey decided to try and steal a platypus from the zoo.”

“He what?” Steve asked, eyes wide. “Tell me you're joking.”

“Nope,” Tony grinned. “He's been my platypus ever since. Did you know they are venomous? We didn’t at the time. It’s probably good Rhodey couldn’t catch it.”

“Jesus, and here I thought Steve was a trouble magnet,” Bucky said.

Steve shook his head. “I'd really like to meet him sometime. He sounds like a fun guy.”

Tony chewed the crust of his pizza. “He's not as fun as he used to be. He's a bit of a spoilsport in his old age. He's always harping on me about eating and sleeping like I have time for that.”

“You really should make time,” Bucky said. “I can tell from the bags under your eyes that you haven't been sleeping much.”

Tony shrugged. “It is what it is. I don't sleep great these days. Nightmares.”

“We know how that is,” Steve said, glancing at Bucky and seeing that he was frowning a little. “We both get our own versions of bad dreams. A lot of nights, I dream about rescuing Bucky, except I don't save him. I don't make it in time. You’d think after all these years, my brain would let it go, but I guess I'm not that lucky.”

Bucky twisted his fingers in his lap, looking at the floor. “I always get the same dreams. I'm back there with Hydra, or I'm losing my arm again. The worst ones are when I dream of Steve being with me, watching them torture him instead.”

Tony's eyes found Bucky. “I dream about Ty. It's mostly memories, really. He liked pain, more than me. I don't mind a spanking or being paddled, but he went further than that. He had this belt he liked to use.” Tony shrugged. “I wake up some nights, and I can feel my back burning, caught in the memories. It's not a big deal, though. It's nothing compared to what you two have been through.” 

Bucky shook his head, nearly glaring at Tony. “Don't say that. What you went through matters. This isn't the Suffering Olympics. It’s not about who had it worse. What you went through was awful. You have every right to have nightmares about it.”

Tony pursed his lips, averting his eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”

Bucky's shoulders were a rigid line, and Steve knew he felt passionate about this. “I mean it, Tony. What you went through isn't any less than what I went through, or what Steve went through.” 

Steve wholeheartedly agreed with him. Nothing good would come from minimizing the other person's pain. He suspected this was something Tony would need to deal with in therapy. It was part of accepting the abuse that he had suffered for what it was. Playing it off like it wasn't that bad was only hurting him in the long run, but they could only support him and tell him that he mattered, that his experiences were valid. The rest was going to be up to him.

The phone in Steve’s pocket buzzed, again and again, ringing silently. His brows pinched together, and he pulled his phone out, checking the screen. He mentally cursed when he saw who was calling. It was Natasha, and now wasn't a great time, but if he didn't answer, he might not be able to talk to her again until she got back.

“Excuse me. I need to take this,” Steve said as he stood, swiping his thumb over the screen to answer the phone. “Hey, Nat. Hang on a second. I need to go outside.”

He could feel Tony and Bucky's eyes on him as he left the room, but that didn't stop him. He went out to the porch, dragging a hand over his face once as he tried to summon the courage for this call. He wasn't even sure why he was nervous, but he was anxious about talking to her about it. Maybe it was his fear of her saying no, not that Natasha ever would. She was a good person and an even better counselor. She wouldn't leave them hanging.

Taking a breath, he said, “Hey, I can talk now. I'm outside.”

“Where are you that you couldn’t talk before?”

“I'm at a friend’s house. That's part of the reason I'm calling. You remember Tony from the party, right?”

“Of course, I do. How could I forget the benefactor who just donated another million to Shield? Why do you ask? What's going on?”

“I don't know where to start,” he sighed. He’d been through this conversation a hundred times in his head, yet he still didn’t know what to say.

“The beginning is usually a good place.”

“Well, as you probably know, the three of us, Tony, Bucky, and me, are dating. It all started around the time of the party.”

“That's great. I've always wanted to see you happy. How does Bucky like him?”

“They get along great. We all do, but there's a problem. That's why I called you.”

“Okay, that's decidedly vague, but I'll bite. What do I have to do with your budding relationship?”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, looking out over Tony's yard. There was a cardinal perched in one of the bushes, preening its feathers. A shadow moved under the bush, then a black blur shot into the air, trying to catch it. It was Asshole, a cat living up to its name. The bird took off, and the cat slinked away.

“It's your skillset that I'm after. Tony—he's been through some stuff, some bad stuff. His last partner, his dom, abused him. I don't know all the details, but I think he could really use a friendly ear, someone who knows about abuse.”

“I'll be damned. I should have suspected it after he donated the second time. Has he tried talking to anybody yet, a professional? And he’s safe, right? No threat from the abuser.”

“No, from what I gather, the guy’s in jail.”

“Good, that's one less thing to worry about.”

“I don't think he's talked to anybody, outside of a few friends, but he has some hang-ups. We, um, got kinda close the other day—last week. It seemed like we were all enjoying it, but afterward, Tony freaked out. He packed up and went back to New York for a week.”

“Shit. That's not unexpected. His hormones might be out of whack, too. Has he been going down regularly?”

“I don't think so. He slipped into subspace once against his will. He was pretty embarrassed. Afterward, he mentioned that he hadn’t been going down. I think that's when most of the abuse happened, in subspace.”

“So, what do you want me to do?”

“Recommend somebody, or better yet, take him on yourself. You're good with people, Nat, and he likes you.”

“Does he know you're asking this? That would be a huge violation of his privacy if he didn't.”

“No, no, he knows. He's the one that asked me to call you.”

“I don't really take on clients anymore, but I'm willing to make an exception. Give him my number, or maybe just give me his. I can feel him out through a text, then go from there.”

“Thanks, Nat. I appreciate it. We all do. Tony means a lot to us.”

“You need to be careful, Steve. You can't push him. He might not be in a place to stand up for himself, which means he might go along with things that are normally something that he wouldn't want to do.”

“Bucky thought the same thing. We've been careful, but maybe we shouldn't have done what we did already. I think we should take things slower.”

“Well, you can't get the spilt milk back in the bottle. I say, play things by ear, but let him be in the lead. He needs to be in charge.”

Steve dragged a hand over his mouth. “I know. We're trying.”

“We're only going to be a few more days at the cabin. I'll try to text Tony when I get a chance. If you could let him know I'm going to reach out, that would be great.”

“Will do, Nat. Thank you again. I'm not sure I've said it enough. You're always helping us out of a bind.”

“It's really no problem, Steve. We're friends, and friends help each other.”

They said their goodbyes, then hung up. He opened his messages and sent Tony’s contact information to Natasha. Then he tucked his phone back in his pocket.

Asshole ran up on the porch, nudging his leg. He hesitantly reached down to pet him. The cat hissed at him, then bolted back down the steps and into the garden, sending birds flying up out of the bushes.

Steve shook his head, muttering to himself, “Crazy fucking cat.”

He took a moment to collect himself before going back in to see Bucky and Tony. The conversation with Natasha had gone well, better than he could have hoped. He really hoped that she would be able to help him. Natasha knew her stuff, though, so he didn't think they had anything to worry about.

This was a new beginning in a way, the first building blocks of the three of them being able to share a scene, have a real relationship without the ghosts of the past haunting them.

He didn't have any expectations for what the future held. If Tony got a little better, that would be great, and if by some chance he didn’t, that would be okay, too. It didn’t matter to Steve if he never felt comfortable giving his submission. The only thing that mattered was knowing he was safe and healthy, not suffering from the trauma of his past.

Whatever Tony could give would be enough. They weren't with Tony because he was a sub. They were with him because they cared about him. Being a sub was just a bonus. 

Taking a breath, he let himself back into the house, ready to tell Tony about his conversation with Natasha. One step at a time. They just needed Tony to know that he didn't have to take those steps alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. guys! I hope you liked it. I think it's great that things are moving along. I hope they aren't going too slow for you, but the story seems to have found a pace. We will get there eventually. I still want Steve lovingly fisting Tony's ass dammit. It will happen. lol


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony does some impromptu renovations to work off his anxiety and gets hurt in the process. He talks to Natasha, and then Steve, Bucky, and Tony spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best. Your response really does make me write faster. I get so excited every time I get a comment or a kudos or a hit. Thank you guys so much! Special thanks to Jadeys_World for reading this over first.

For the third time that morning, Tony took his phone out and looked at Natasha's message. It was a few texts, telling him that she'd spoken to Steve and that if he was interested in talking to her, she'd like to try to help him. It should have been easy to respond, but he found himself anxiously rereading the text and stressing about what to say.

He stuffed the phone back in his pocket, aggressively cutting the sandwich he'd been making, then tossing it on a plate. Asshole sat on the counter, twitching his tail as he watched, his eyes judgmental.

“What are you looking at?”

The cat just blinked.

“It's harder than it looks, okay?” Tony argued with the cat. “Can't a man ponder his troubles while making a sandwich?”

The cat just stared at him, tail still twitching. Tony stared back at it, and neither of them blinked. He broke away his gaze with a huff, taking his sandwich to the porch to eat.

It had been a day since Steve and Bucky were over, and Steve had gotten the call from Natasha. He hadn't expected to hear from her so quickly, and receiving the text had thrown him off balance. It was one thing to hypothetically talk about addressing his issues, but it was a whole other can of worms to actually do it. Every time he went to type a reply, his hands would shake, and his heart would try and beat out of his chest. It bordered on a panic attack, which really pissed him off. He hated that something so small could control him.

The air was warm when he walked out onto the porch, the sun bright compared to the house where he had the shades drawn. He blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted. He could smell the flowers and the grass, making his nose tickle a little. Birds chirped in the distance. All in all, it was a beautiful day.

Too bad he was spending it stressed out over nothing, or maybe it wasn't just nothing. If he could be honest with himself, he'd have to admit that texting her back would be the start of a journey he didn't know how to take. This wasn't something he could study for, and that left him feeling unbalanced. He didn't like being at the mercy of something he couldn't control.

He sat down on the bench, placing his plate on the worn, wooden seat beside him. He wasn't that hungry, but he knew he should eat. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he thought of Bucky and how he would mother hen him about it if he were here.

Picking up half of the sandwich, he took a bite, chewing as his mind wandered to Natasha's text. Something about it elicited panic in him, and he wanted to know why. Psychology was never his strong suit, though. The soft sciences weren't his thing. He preferred physics and engineering, things you could solve like equations or fix with his hands. Emotions were fickle, and he never was very good at grasping them, though he felt deeply and often reacted in kind. Maybe that made him a bit of a paradox.

He only managed to eat half a sandwich before his stomach started to twist in knots, and his appetite evaporated. The food sat heavy in his gut. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes until he saw stars, then groaned as he dropped them, looking out over the yard again.

What was he going to do? Answering a stupid text shouldn't be this hard, yet here he was, struggling as if his life hung in the balance. It felt like it was, anyway. He hated that he couldn't summon up the courage to take the first step, but if there was one thing Tony wasn't, it was a quitter.

He set himself a goal. Baby steps and all. He would answer her text by five tonight, no later. That gave him plenty of time to get his thoughts in order. He knew she'd probably want to talk, maybe set up a call or even come visit, and that scared the shit out of him.

Part of him wanted to reach out to Steve and Bucky, let them soothe his worries, but he knew they would ask questions he didn’t have the answer to, so maybe it was easier just to avoid them, too.

Taking his plate and half-eaten sandwich, he went back inside. His eyes had to adjust to the darkened house, and he nearly tripped on a shoe by the door, the ones he'd left there, so it wasn't like he could blame somebody else for leaving them in the walkway.

He dumped the sandwich in the trash and set the plate in the sink, his phone feeling heavy in his pocket. Every time it brushed his leg, it was a reminder that he had to answer her. He pushed his feelings away, trying to ignore them. He would deal with it later.

He went to the living room and flopped down on the couch, staring up at the tin ceilings. They were intricate, an original piece of the house, a feature Tony had no urge to change, even though they looked old. It gave the house character. He didn’t mind them at all.

There was a soft thump, and he glanced toward the back of the couch to see Asshole perched there.

“You again, huh? Come to judge me some more?”

Of course, the cat didn't answer. Instead, it gave him a contemplative look.

“I'll answer her soon. I've got hours still.”

And with that, Tony closed his eyes, hoping a little sleep would do him good. His nightmares hadn’t been too bad lately, but he still was only getting five or six hours of sleep a night. He knew his hormones were probably off too, and that wasn't helping. He wasn't getting the influx of positive hormones from going into subspace. If anything, the only thing he got out of it was a rush of adrenaline as his flight or fight kicked in.

He didn't fall asleep, though. Instead, he laid and listened to the sounds of the house, the cat breathing next to him, the AC humming, and if he strained his ears, he could almost make out the birds chirping outside.

Sleep was a lost cause, and he knew it. Anxious energy simmered just under the surface of his skin, making him twitchy and unsettled.

Checking the time, he saw he was an hour closer to his self-imposed deadline. He only had four hours left to text her. He decided he would try and find something to keep himself busy, something to expend some of his energy on.

His thoughts turned to the upstairs bathroom he'd been planning on having retiled. After a quick trip to the shed to get a sledgehammer, he took the stairs two at a time, heading to the unused bathroom.

The hammer's first blow against the tiled wall sent a shockwave up to his shoulder, making his fingers tingle for a moment after. The tile broke away from the wall and fell in shards to the floor. The destruction was satisfying in a way nothing else probably could be. He hit the wall again, making more tile rain down. It was cathartic, freeing in a way.

He beat the hammer against the wall until his arm felt like jello, unable to hold the tool up any longer. He was out of breath and sweating by the time the dust settled, and he collapsed on the dirty floor, pieces of tile digging into his legs.

It was then that he looked down and saw smears of blood mixed with the dust. He looked at his bare feet and realized that he probably shouldn't have done this without shoes. Tossing the hammer to the side, he drew up one of his legs to get a better look at his foot.

There were a few small cuts in his feet, dirt smashed into them. None were bleeding actively, though, so he thought that was at least something. Stretching his legs out in front of him, he wiggled his toes with a grimace. They burned and ached a little. He hadn't felt a thing when he was tearing apart the walls, though.

It just felt good to swing the hammer and release some of his emotions. He wasn't normally one for physical labor, but this served a purpose, even if he did screw up and tear up his feet.

He dusted his hands off on his jeans, then reached in his pocket for his phone. The time on the front said four o'clock. He'd been up here for hours, but he'd been so lost in his head he hadn't felt a minute of its passing.

He unlocked the screen and went to his messages, knowing it was now or never. He was sitting in a room surrounded by destruction, destruction that he had caused because he'd needed an outlet. It might not have been a terrible way to cope, but he didn't have too many rooms to tear apart, so it wasn't like he could do this again.

He scrolled to Natasha's message, the final line daring him to reply. _Reach out when you’re ready._

His thumb hesitated over the screen, and he bit the inside of his cheek, chewing it lightly as he thought of what to say.

 _Dealing with me must be below your paygrade, but thanks._ Followed by: _Fair warning. I’m a hot mess._

Three dots appeared soon after he sent it, and then a message from Natasha appeared. _We’re all entitled to be a hot mess every once in a while._ Then a second later: _Can I call you?_

His heart was suddenly in his throat, and he found it hard to swallow around it. His hands trembled as he gripped the phone so tight his fingertips were white.

The breath he drew next did nothing to steady him, but he steeled himself and forced himself to reply, anyway.

 _I’m free whenever._ Then he added: _Now is fine._

He scrubbed a dirty hand over his face, the skin of his hand itching from where it wore on the handle of the hammer.

The phone ringing startled him, causing him to fumble it and nearly drop it. Then he steadied himself and looked at the screen. It was an unknown number, but he knew it was Natasha.

“Okay, you can do this,” he coached himself, then answered the phone, bringing it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, Tony. It’s Natasha. How’re you doing?”

If there was ever a loaded question. “Um, good. Fine, nothing to write home about.”

She hummed. “It’s okay not to be, though. I’ve had some bad times myself over the years. There’s nothing wrong with sitting with your pain. Sometimes it helps us understand it better.”

Tony snorted. “That’s a very head shrinker way of looking at it.”

She laughed, and the sound relaxed Tony a little. “I’m just a therapist. So, do you know what Steve said to me?”

“No, not really. He had my blessing to talk to you, though. Don’t think he betrayed my trust, but he doesn’t really know a lot of the details either. No one does. I’m a powerful man in a cutthroat industry. I can’t have this get out.”

“Anything you tell me is under strict confidence. I can even sign something to that effect if it would put your mind at ease.”

“No, that’s not necessary. I, um—I trust you, I think. I mean, I do,” he clarified. “I do trust you.”

“That’s good to hear, but I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to earn it yet.”

“Steve and Bucky trust you. That’s good enough for me.”

“Okay,” she said. “I don't know if you're aware, if Steve and Bucky told you, but I haven't taken clients in a long time. I'm doing this as a favor for them and you. I don't expect any payment for this. Money is off the table.”

Tony wasn't sure how to feel about that. It almost felt easier if she did take money, then it would be a transaction, but like this, it was something closer to friendship, and somehow Tony always fucked those up.

“Okay, so what do we do? I haven't really done this therapy thing before, and to be honest, I'm scared shitless about it. I wasn't really raised to talk about my feelings. Emotions, feelings, they were a taboo subject in my house.”

“Just out of curiosity, were either of your parents a dom?”

Tony chewed his lip. “Yeah, my dad was. He was a real piece of work. He didn't wanna sub for a son, and he made sure I knew it every day.”

“You know there's nothing wrong with being a sub, right? Do you still put stock in your father's words?”

Tony could feel himself growing agitated. “I don't know. Maybe. I can still hear him in my head sometimes. The most fucked up part is he isn't even why I needed to talk to you.”

“I'm not so sure about that,” Natasha said. “I think our parents play a big role in how we feel about ourselves, but I understand what you mean. Do you wanna tell me about your ex?”

“Nope, not really, but I know I should. Maybe another day.”

“We can take our time, Tony. There's no rush, no timetable to this.”

Tony hummed, flexing his toes and feeling the burn of the cuts on his feet. The little touches of pain grounded him. He chalked it up to another unhealthy coping mechanism.

“I think we have a lot to explore, but I'd rather have an in-person conversation for it. If that's alright with you.”

“You want to meet?”

“Ideally, yes. You could come by my office, or I could come to your house. Whatever works best for you. I don't feel comfortable delving too deeply into your trauma over the phone. I'd rather see you in person. It'll make it easier for me to read your reactions, so I don't push too hard on a sore subject.”

He could see the logic behind it, but he wasn't chomping at the bit to meet in person either. He considered his options, her office or his house. He wasn't sure which was better. If he went to her office, he could always leave when it got to be too much, but if he were at home, he'd be more comfortable and maybe be able to open up more.

“If you're alright with a house call, I guess you coming here wouldn't be so bad.”

“I don't mind at all. I'll be back in town the day after tomorrow, and I'm free most days after four.”

“How often would we meet?”

“I'd like to aim for twice a week to start, just because Steve mentioned that you haven't been going down.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” Tony wanted to roll his eyes. It bothered him a little being talked about, even if it was for a good cause. He shouldn't be petty, though. It wasn't Steve's fault, and it definitely wasn't Natasha’s. “Sorry, I mean, you’re right. I haven't. When I try, things tend to go to shit.”

“I don't think I need to tell you what that can do to your hormones.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I've got a few friends who remind me all the time, and I feel it every day.”

“Have you discussed what you're going through with a doctor? Looked into hormone replacement? It wouldn't solve the problem, but it could take the edge off.”

Tony blinked, his eyes feeling dry and gritty. That was something he hadn't really thought about. Though it was an obvious solution, talking to a doctor would have made everything too real. He hadn't been ready to face what had happened. He still didn't have the words to explain the things Ty had done. Tony wasn't used to being vulnerable. He was a Stark, and their backbones were made of iron. Asking for help didn't come easily for him.

Doing this with Natasha was far out of his comfort zone. Just skirting around the problems with her made him want to drown himself in a bottle of Scotch until nothing hurt and he'd forgotten all his problems. He knew that wasn't healthy, though.

“Yeah, I guess I just didn't wanna talk to a doctor about it.”

“I can recommend a few people if you're interested, but don't feel pressured. I do think it might help you feel better, though.”

“I have a doctor back in New York. It's just getting up the courage to talk to him.”

“The ones I can recommend work with Shield. They've seen a lot and won't be surprised or taken aback by anything you say. I'm not pushing you to use them, but you might be more comfortable around someone familiar with abuse. Plus, most of them are subs themselves.”

Tony chewed the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, you can give me some names when we meet. It might be easier to talk to a stranger than a doctor I've known for years, though my doctor has seen me through a lot.”

“I can understand that. How are you feeling right now? You sound a little shaky.”

He dug the tips of his fingers into his thigh, huffing out a bitter laugh. “I can't hide anything, can I?”

“I'm only asking because I care. I want to make sure you're okay.”

“I don't know what I am. Honestly, I feel pathetic. I hate that I let this happen to my life. I used to always be in control, you know?”

“I don't think anyone intends this to happen to them, but it can happen to anyone. It doesn't make you weak or pathetic.”

“Don't take this the wrong way, but what do you know about it? You're a dom, right? You've never had to submit, to hand over the reins. You don't know what it's really like. Being a sub makes you weak.”

“Putting your trust into another person, that makes you strong, not weak. It takes incredible strength to be a sub. I don't want to assume, but I think I'm hearing the echoes of your father in your words.”

Tony stared down at his bloody feet. His chest and stomach were a twisting swirl of emotion. He felt uneasy and off-balance because her words hit so close to home. She was right. Those were his father's words. The man had drilled them into his head. Subs were worth nothing. They were something to be scraped off the bottom of your shoe. A sub was nothing more than a plaything for a dom.

He didn't know what to say, how to recover the conversation. The world felt tilted and wrong. He wasn't used to someone pointing these things out.

“Are you okay?” she asked, drawing him back to the conversation.

He wasn't, not even remotely. If he could barely talk about his father, how would he ever talk about Ty and Obadiah?

“Yeah, this has just been a lot, you know? But you're right. Those were my father's words. He didn't think very highly of subs.”

He wondered if she was scratching all this down somewhere, taking notes on his life. Was that something therapists really did? He supposed he would find out when they met up for the first time.

“I know we haven't had a chance to really talk yet, as I'm saving that for when we're in person, but I would like to leave you with some homework,” she said, then paused, maybe for a response from him, but he didn’t have one outside of a scoff. “I want you to think of three things that make you happy about being a sub, three things you like.”

Tony's expression twisted. “You want me to _what?_ ”

“You heard me. Name three things that make you happy about being a sub.”

“What if I can't name three?”

“I'll take what I can get,” Natasha said. “Try for three, though, so would Monday at four work for you?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s perfect. I can text you the address.”

“My husband just came through the door, so I’m going to let you go. Talk to you soon, Tony.”

“Talk to you then, bye.”

Tony hung up the phone, slumping back against the bathroom cabinet. He closed his eyes and just breathed for a minute. He needed to think of what to do next, where his day would go from here.

The dull ache in his feet told him he should be taking care of them first. The only problem was, he needed to walk to the other bathroom to get some first aid supplies, and he didn't think he should do that with his feet as they were. He'd have to clean them a little here first. Thankfully, the sink and tub were still intact. He'd only demoed the walls.

Putting his phone in his pocket, he rolled onto his hands and knees, then pulled himself up on the bathroom cabinet. There was a dust-covered cloth on the hanger, and he grabbed it, wetting it in the sink. He sat back down on his butt and pulled his right foot up so he could reach it. Using gentle pressure, he started dabbing at the mess. The blood started to wash away, and he was able to flick the slivers of tile out of his skin, though he wasn’t sure he was getting them all. Then he moved onto his other foot, but a knock at the door downstairs interrupted him.

He didn’t know who that could be. He wasn’t expecting company.

His feet would have to wait, then. Tossing the cloth onto the counter, he maneuvered himself to his feet, really feeling the burn of the cuts now. He tried to avoid the worst of the debris as he made his way downstairs. He didn’t look behind himself, but he thought he might be leaving little dots of blood on the floor.

Whoever was at the door knocked again, and he yelled through the house, “I’m coming, just hang on a second.”

He hobbled his way to the door, not bothering to peek through the curtains to see who it was before opening it.

“Bucky,” he said in surprise when he saw him standing there. “What are you doing here?”

“Stevie’s working late, but I missed you and thought I’d come to say hi.”

Tony could feel something, probably a shard of tile, digging into his foot. He shifted his weight, lifting it slightly. “Oh, yeah, that’s fine. I was just finishing up a project anyway.”

Bucky’s gaze raked over him, and a frown started to paint itself on his brow. “What were you doing? You’ve got white stuff in your hair, and—” He paused, eyes on Tony’s feet. “What did you do to your feet! They’re bleeding!”

Then Bucky was crouching down, touching the top of his foot. “Can you lift it?”

“This isn’t necessary. I cleaned them up already.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s why they’re covered in blood and grime.” Bucky looked up at him. “Come on, let me see. If there’s nothing to see, if it’s cleaned up like you said, you shouldn’t be worried.”

“Fine,” Tony huffed, shifting to lift his foot. He started to lose his balance and grabbed onto Bucky’s head for support.

“Hang on, babe. Just let me take a peek.”

Bucky examined his foot, even though the angle was awkward. Tony kept his lips pressed together as he did. Finally, Bucky set his foot back down and looked up at him with concern.

“I don’t know what you call clean, but from what I can see, you’ve got gunk all through the cuts on your feet. What the hell did you do?”

“Started the bathroom remodel?”

“Without shoes?” Bucky brushed off his hands and stood, taking Tony by the elbow. “Come on, we need to get you to the couch.”

Tony resigned himself to letting Bucky take care of him. “All right.”

Bucky helped him to the couch. Then he disappeared into the house, leaving Tony wondering where he went. He heard some noises, the cabinets opening, Bucky going up and down the stairs, and some quiet grumbling. A few minutes later, Bucky came back in with a big bowl of water, his first aid kit, a washcloth, towel, and a pair of socks over his shoulder.

“This should do it,” Bucky said, coming to sit on the coffee table in front of Tony. He set the bowl of water on the floor. “Took me a few minutes to find everything.”

Tony raised a brow at all the supplies Bucky unloaded onto the couch and table. “Do you really need all that?”

“Yep,” Bucky said, bending down to roll up Tony’s pant legs. Then he took his right foot by the ankle and guided it into the bowl. “This should be nice and warm—not too hot. Let me know if it is, though.”

As his foot hit the water, feeling the warmth, he said, “It’s perfect, and, um, thanks for this. This isn’t something you should have to do.”

Bucky shook his head. “This is exactly the kind of thing you do for someone you care about. You’d do the same for me, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, yeah, of course, but I don’t know. It just seems silly. I did this to myself. I should have to deal with the consequences.”

Bucky’s eyes looked sad when they met his. “That sounds an awful lot like you think you deserve to be hurt.”

Tony just shrugged. “I shouldn’t have been barefoot.”

“Let me get this straight. You think you deserve to be in pain because you made a mistake? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re wrong about that, darling. That’s not how this works.”

Bucky used the cloth to wipe his foot, gently cleaning the cuts. He felt safe and comforted in his hands. It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

“Well, I never claimed to be reasonable. Tell you what, I’ll add it to the list of things to work on.”

“Then I guess I’ll just need to remind you every chance I get. Outside of something playful in a scene, you don’t deserve to be punished.”

Tony made a noise in his throat, not really agreeing or disagreeing with his statement. Then Bucky lifted his foot, water dripping, onto his knee, bending to inspect his work. He patted it dry with the towel. “These aren’t too deep. There’s not much to do but put some cream on them and keep them dry.”

Then he took the antibiotic ointment out of the kit and spread some over the cuts. When he was done, he wrapped his foot lightly with some gauze, finishing it off with some tape.

“Feel better already,” Tony said, wiggling his toes.

Bucky grabbed one of the socks and worked it over his foot, making sure to slide it up his leg and get out all the wrinkles. When he was done, he lifted it by the heel and set it down on the floor. Taking his other foot after and giving it the same treatment. Tony stayed quiet through it, letting the gentle touches fill him with warmth.

When he was done, and both feet were bandaged and in socks, Bucky picked up the mess and put everything away. While he was gone, Tony got a text from Steve, asking how he was, and he realized Bucky had probably called him while he was cleaning up.

Bucky walked back in as Tony was replying to Steve, telling him he was okay and that Bucky was taking good care of him. Steve replied a second later to say he was almost there. He was picking up Chinese for dinner and bringing it by.

“Steve’s on his way,” Tony said, tucking his phone away. “I take it you two talked.”

Bucky had the decency to look chagrined. “Yeah, it’s getting late, and I was worried about you—didn’t want you up trying to cook dinner, or worse, skip dinner altogether because you’re a gremlin like that.”

Tony playfully scowled. “Whatever, but seriously, thanks. I appreciate all this, and it felt good being taken care of. I haven’t—it’s been a while. That’s all. It means a lot to me.”

“Anytime, Tony. It feels really good to take care of you. Feeds into my instincts, lizard brain and all that.”

Tony nodded, then drew up his legs so his feet were on the couch. Bucky sat on the other cushion, taking Tony’s feet and pulling them to his lap. He kept a hand on his ankle, his thumb rubbing back and forth.

“Stevie should be here any time.” Bucky broke the silence. “I have no idea what he ordered. Hopefully, he didn’t get the whole menu.”

Then they both looked up when they heard gravel crunching under tires as someone pulled in. Bucky slid his feet off his lap, careful to set them down gently, then went to the window.

“Speaking of the devil, he’s here. I’m gonna go help him bring in the food. Looks like he has a few bags.”

Bucky went out to help Steve, and Tony shifted nervously on the couch. He wasn’t used to all this positive attention. He liked it, though. It was just hard letting himself accept it.

Tony could hear them talking as they came in the door, and he pushed himself to his feet, wincing a little when his weight pushed on the cuts. Steve’s sharp eyes didn’t miss the expression as he walked into the living room.

“Tony, you shouldn’t be standing!” Steve snapped as he rushed with his brown paper bag over to him. He set the bag on the coffee table, then pulled Tony into a hug. He pressed his lips to Tony’s temple and said quietly, “Please, sit. You’re hurt.”

Tony reached up, cupping Steve’s jaw. “Kiss first.”

Steve looked like he was ready to argue, but Tony playfully nipped at his lips. Then Steve gave in, pressing his lips to Tony’s, deepening the kiss when Tony slipped his tongue into Steve’s mouth. They broke apart after a few seconds, and Steve rested his forehead on his, saying, “If you sit, I’ll make sure you get another kiss later.”

Tony smirked, pecked him on the lips again, then took a seat beside Bucky, who was already poking through the takeout containers.

“If you two are done, dinner is served,” Bucky announced, grabbing a box of rice and a fork. “This one is mine, though, but I’ll share for a kiss.”

Tony didn’t really want his rice, but he did want a kiss, so he leaned close to him and pressed his lips to Bucky’s. The kiss wasn’t as deep as the one he shared with Steve, but it still made his toes curl, even if it did hurt a little.

When he pulled back, he did grab a little piece of pork from Bucky’s rice, popping it in his mouth. “Worth it even without the rice.”

They all tucked into the food and ate their fill. It turned out Steve did order half the menu. When they were done, and the table was littered with half-eaten and empty containers, Tony leaned into Bucky’s side, his metal arm coming around his shoulders. Steve smoothed a hand up and down his back, and it just felt good. He wished he could stay in this moment forever.

“Would it be too much to ask you to stay the night?” Tony asked, biting his lip.

Bucky stopped breathing, and Tony worried he’d crossed a line. Then Bucky said, “Of course, babe.” He kissed his hair. “We’ll stay for as long as you want us. Isn’t that right, Stevie?”

Steve hummed. “Not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... What do you think?? Big step staying over. I'm looking forward to it, though I don't think they will really be getting their groove on just yet. They are taking their time right now. But I'm not ruling it out completely. I'm open to your thoughts on what you think.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up with Tony in his arms and Bucky curled around Tony. They have a conversation that leads to Tony needing a moment to collect himself, and then they have breakfast and talk again. Lots of talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't express enough how much I adore each one of you guys reading, even the ones who don't feel up to commenting and just subscribed. It still means a lot to know you're interested. You're all so fantastic. 
> 
> This chapter had some up and downs writing, but I think I'm happy with the small signs of progress that were made. 
> 
> Thanks to Jadeys_World who is reading everything and cheering me on, even though this is so far from something she normally reads.

The first thing Steve noticed as he woke was the warmth of another body, followed by the heavy weight of Tony draped over his side, pressing skin to skin and sharing their heat. Thank god for the AC in Tony’s house. He’d be sweating otherwise. They’d kicked off the blankets during the night, leaving them twisted in the sheets.

He looked down at the mess of brown hair on Tony’s head, where it laid pillowed on his chest. Tony’s breath ghosted over his skin, warm and damp, and he made the most adorable snuffling sounds when he breathed. There was a puddle of drool on his chest, and the sight made a crooked smile twitch against Steve’s lips. He could get used to mornings like this.

They hadn’t done anything last night, which Steve thought was a good thing. They needed to take things slow, and he wanted to show Tony that they wanted more from him than sex. They needed to build their relationship first. They'd already made a mistake once by going too fast. Steve wanted to make sure that he could read Tony better before they tried something again. He wanted to make sure Tony felt safe with them, too. If he felt safe, then maybe he could trust them enough to tell them when he was spiraling, and they could avoid a repeat of last time.

Both Tony and Bucky were sleeping well, which was a surprise to Steve. They all carried their own versions of nightmares, and it shocked him that none of their demons had emerged during the night. There was a certain feeling of safety surrounding them as they laid tangled together. It was like the warmth they radiated repelled the ghosts that haunted them. As long as they were together, they were safe from the darkness of their minds.

Eventually, Bucky started to stir. First, his arm over Tony's hip started to twitch, then his eyes slowly blinked open as he groaned. His body curled around Tony a little tighter, making the other man rub his face against Steve’s chest. Steve softly shushed him, hoping he’d fall back asleep. After a moment, he went lax and drifted off again. The trust Tony had for them made something unfurl in his chest, something warm and good.

A soft smile played on Bucky’s lips, and there was something knowing in his eyes. Steve returned his smile, flicking his gaze back to the sleeping man on his chest. They needed this. There was a certain trust required for sharing a bed. He was grateful they were able to share in a moment like this.

Steve didn’t close his eyes or allow himself to drift off to sleep again, and Bucky didn’t either. They both kept their attention on Tony, silently watching while he slept.

The moment had to end eventually, though.

Tony tensed a little, shifting in Steve’s arms. Then he rubbed his cheek against Steve’s bare chest, scratching him lightly with his goatee. Bucky’s arm tightened on his hip, pulling himself closer to Tony, then pressing his lips to Tony’s shoulder.

Steve and Tony were only wearing boxers, while Bucky went to bed with a shirt, too. Steve knew he still had some hang-ups about the arm. He had a lot of scar tissue on his chest around the attachment site, and he was still self-conscious about it, even around Steve at times. Tony seemed pretty attuned to Bucky, though, and didn’t draw attention to it. 

For the first part of the night, Tony had snuggled on Bucky, pillowing his head on the metal shoulder. Steve knew from experience that that wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but Tony didn’t seem to mind. He slept like the dead until Bucky had to get up to pee, and he was forced to shift him over to Steve.

Tony peeled his face off Steve’s chest, leaving a damp spot from the drool. 

“Morning, babe,” Bucky purred against Tony’s shoulder, making the man arch back into him. Then Tony reached down and threaded his fingers with Bucky’s over Tony’s hip.

“Rested looks good on you,” Steve said, noticing that for once, the dark circles under Tony’s eyes were lighter. 

Tony hummed. “It’s nice sleeping through the night. You two are like portable space heaters, though. It’ll be nice in the winter.”

Steve liked the implication that they would still be together this winter. Maybe it was too early to think of such things, but when Steve looked to the future, he saw Tony intertwined in their lives in the best ways. It was too early to think of love, but maybe this was the beginning of it, the first drops of emotion that would someday gather to be a sea. 

Steve let Tony roll away a little, his skin cooling at the loss. Then Tony yawned, squirming into the spot between them. Steve turned onto his side to better see them, propping his head up with his hand. Seeing him and Bucky together melted his heart. Both had sleep tousled hair and relaxed expressions. Sharing his mornings with Bucky had always been something he relished, but this was so much better, seeing them both so comfortable. 

“You’re very kissable like this,” Bucky said as he leaned in to press his lips to Tony’s. Heat stirred in Steve as he watched them kiss, Tony’s hand coming up to twine in Bucky’s hair. 

When they broke apart, Tony said, “If you ever doubt my feelings, just remember I kissed you before you brushed your teeth.”

Steve smiled, and Bucky laughed as he dragged his fingertips over Tony’s stomach. He didn’t have the muscles of someone who went to the gym, but you could still see the lines of his abs, though there was a softness to them that Steve loved. He had the body of someone who worked with his hands, of someone who gained their muscle through everyday use. 

“How’re your feet feeling?” Steve asked, feeling Tony’s socked feet brush his leg. He’d kept them on because of the bandages. Steve couldn’t help but be a little worried about them. He hadn’t had a chance to see the damage himself, only having Bucky’s description to go by. He knew Bucky was a good medic, though. He’d had some training in the army, and Steve knew he would have cleaned them up well. He’d still feel better having seen them for himself, though. 

He felt Tony wiggle his toes against his calf. Then Tony scrunched his nose. “Sore, but better. Doesn’t hurt if I don’t move them, but I think they’ll be fine. I’ve had worse after an intense scene.”

Steve didn’t really find that comforting, and from the sour expression Bucky had, he didn’t either. 

“We should get you something for the pain, maybe some Tylenol, and in a perfect world, you could stay off them today.”

“No can do,” Tony said. “I need to clean up the mess in the spare bathroom.”

Bucky propped his head up and curled a hand around Tony’s waist possessively. “I don’t see why that can’t wait a day. What did I tell you about punishing yourself? It’s not something we’re gonna stand for.”

Tony looked insulted. “I’m not punishing myself. I just want to get it done.”

Steve laid a hand on Bucky’s arm that was wrapped around Tony. “Why did you destroy the bathroom anyway? Bucky never told me.”

“That’s because I never told Bucky, and it wasn’t that interesting of a reason, anyway. I just needed to clear my head, get my thoughts in order, maybe take out some frustrations. One thing led to another, and then I was smashing tile like a coked-up construction worker.”

Steve pursed his lips. “And you didn’t think to put on shoes?”

“You sound like someone else I know,” Tony said. 

“We just want to understand what happened,” Bucky said. “You turned your feet to mincemeat.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “They weren’t that bad.”

“No, mincemeat was being too generous. This was mincemeat with shards of tile in it.”

Tony closed his eyes, looking like he’d rather not be there. “Fine, they were a mess, happy?” Then he opened his eyes and flicked his gaze to Bucky. 

Bucky kissed his nose. “Don’t be grouchy, babe. We’re just talking.”

Tony sighed. “I didn’t feel it—I mean, the tile cutting my feet, and I guess when I did, it felt—never mind. It’s not important.”

Steve reached up and cupped Tony’s cheek. “Hey, you don’t need to edit what you say around us. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s not important. We still want to know.”

Tony seemed to study Steve for a moment, searching for something, then said, “I liked it, okay? It felt good. The pain made things a little easier. Natasha had texted that morning, and I’d been freaking out all day because that’s apparently a thing I do now. Then I just snapped. I took a hammer and beat the wall until I was numb. I didn’t notice my feet until after, and then, I guess, it wasn’t so bad.”

Tony rubbed his eyes, and Steve exchanged a concerned look with Bucky. He was glad Natasha had reached out, but he hated that it came at such a price to Tony. There wasn’t much he could do to help, though. The idea that Tony liked the pain left questions for Steve. It could be a self-harm thing, or it could be that mixed with something sub related. Some subs enjoyed pain a lot, and the endorphins they got from it were beneficial. Either way, he couldn’t focus on parsing out the finer details now. Right now, he needed to focus on Tony. 

“Did you talk to Natasha?” Steve asked.

Tony dropped his hand. “Yeah, I did. We talked for a bit. Figured out I have daddy issues on top of everything else, like that was ever in question. She’s nice, though. I felt better after, though she stuck me with some homework that I’m not too sure about.”

“What don’t you know about it,” Bucky asked. 

Tony shrugged, tracing his fingertips over Bucky’s arm. “She wants me to think of three things that I like about being a sub, and so far, the answers I have kinda suck. I don’t think she’d be impressed if I said being thoroughly fucked as the first.”

Steve frowned. “I don’t think that’s the spirit of the activity. There must be something that you like.”

“Nothing I can think of.”

The lines of Bucky’s brow seemed to deepen. “It’s not all bad. I never wanted to be a sub, but I think there are things I can honestly say I enjoy.”

Tony huffed, shaking his head. “I get it. I’m thrilled for you, but I don’t feel the same. I guess everyone is better at being a sub than me. I guess I just suck. Jesus, I really am a fucking failure.”

“Hey, Tony,” Steve said, voice gentle. “That’s not what Bucky was saying at all.”

Then Tony was shoving their arms off him and pushing himself to sit up. “I need to piss.”

He let Tony go, a slight limp to his gait as he walked out of the bedroom, and Steve felt an invisible knife twist in his gut. He hated seeing someone he cared about struggle like that. He hadn’t meant to ruin the moment by bringing up such sensitive subjects, but he’d just wanted to understand better. Communication was important in any relationship, more so in one with three people, all of which had baggage of their own. 

He worried Tony’s words had hurt Bucky, and from the devastated expression he was sporting, they had. 

“Hey, you know you did nothing wrong, right?” Steve asked Bucky, catching his hand as he moved away and pulled it to his face to kiss his knuckles. Bucky shook his head. “No, Buck, whatever that was wasn’t you.”

“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t mean that there was something wrong with him.”

“I know, and he knows that. He’s just going through some stuff. Don’t take it personally. You remember what that was like.”

When he and Bucky had first returned home, Bucky’s self-esteem had been extremely low, and he’d struggled to find any positives. It had been a long journey to get where they were, to a place that Bucky didn’t completely hate his designation. 

“I know,” Bucky rubbed his eyes, then dropped his hand to the bed. “I was just trying to cheer him up. I mean, if I can find the positives in being a sub, then there’s hope for him. I didn’t think it would backfire like that.”

“He was just—I don’t know. He’s fragile, I think.”

Bucky looked to the door. It had been a few minutes since Tony left. “He’s not coming back, is he?”

Steve glanced at the door, too, staring out into the hallway. “Hopefully, he’s not packing for New York again.”

Bucky huffed, a little smile on his lips as he shook his head. He nodded toward the door. “Go after him. I don’t want to lose him over something stupid. I just need a minute, though.”

Steve studied Bucky’s face. “You sure you’re okay?”

Bucky gave him a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m fine, and I think Tony might respond better one on one. I’m sure it's overwhelming facing the two of us.”

Nodding, Steve leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss. “Come down when you’re ready. I’ll go check on our guy.”

Steve got dressed, leaving off his shoes, and he padded barefoot downstairs to find Tony. He found him in the kitchen, sitting at the table as he stared at the surface. He had put on pajama pants, but his chest was still bare. He looked up when Steve pulled out a chair, sitting next to him.

“Hey,” Steve said, keeping his tone light.

Tony didn’t look angry. He looked defeated, his shoulders curled in and expression sad.

Tony’s mouth twitched. Then he said, “Sorry about how I acted. I’ll tell Bucky, too. Is he okay?”

Steve didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to worry him either. “He understands. I’m not sure you really grasp what he’s been through these last few years. I think you two have more in common than you think.”

“Yeah, maybe. No, you’re right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I need to talk about things, not just run.”

“What happened?” Steve asked, reaching out and covering Tony’s hand with his. Tony’s fingers twitched, then he turned his hand and threaded his fingers with Steve’s.

Tony stared at the table, not even lifting his gaze when he spoke. “It wasn’t like before. I enjoyed laying with you guys, and I really did sleep well, but when Bucky, a guy who’s been forced to become a sub, can be happier about it than me. I don’t know. I just felt annoyed, not at him, not really. Just at everything else. Does that make sense?”

“I thought it was something like that. It doesn’t make you defective, though, just because you can’t see the good parts right now, but, Tony, the good parts are there. I promise. You’ll find them again.”

“It’s not that I lost them. I’m just not sure I ever had them. My dad, he messed with me. He didn’t think very highly of a sub. He thought they were only good for one thing, getting a dom off.”

“I don’t want to speak ill about your family, but I don’t think your dad knew his ass from his elbow. I would take his opinion with a grain of salt.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to realize that. Though knowing it and really accepting it are two different things.”

Steve squeezed his hand. “It’ll take time. You gotta relearn some things, is all.”

Tony looked at him, his brows pinching together. “Where’s Bucky?”

“He needed a minute.”

“I thought you said he was okay?”

“I did, and he is, but he just needed a few minutes to clear his head. Don’t overthink it.”

“He still hasn’t sent me his medical records,” Tony said. “I still want to see them.”

“See what?” Came from behind Steve, then Bucky was beside them, hand on Steve’s shoulder. He was dressed, too, though he still looked soft from sleep. He squeezed Steve's shoulder, then looked at Tony. “Hey, babe, are you still feeling prickly, or have you calmed down?”

Tony smiled, ducking his head. “Sorry about that. I just—no, there isn’t an excuse to act like that. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’m glad you’ve been able to find the silver lining. I’m just an asshole sometimes.”

Bucky chuckled, bending to kiss Tony’s head. “It’s alright. I can be an asshole, too, sometimes. You’re forgiven. Besides, I know a little what it’s like to not like yourself, to not feel like you measure up to everyone else. I might have found some things I like about subbing, but I still don’t feel like I’m enough of a dom anymore. Sometimes I still feel like I’m a cheap imitation.”

Tony let go of Steve’s hand to reach out to Bucky, catching his. “I don’t suppose it’ll make a difference if I tell you I think you’re fine as you are.”

“No more than if I told you the same.”

Tony nodded. “Okay, that’s something we can work on then.”

* * *

Bucky flipped the pancakes as Tony and Steve cleaned up the kitchen and got plates out for breakfast. They’d settled into a rhythm, working around each other, though there was a small incident with the pancake mix, where Steve ended up wearing it, and Tony got some in his hair. It wasn’t a big deal, though. They could shower later.

“The last batch is almost done,” Bucky said, checking the underside of one of the pancakes. It was golden brown. He slid the spatula under it and took it off the griddle. Then scooped up the rest, putting them on the platter. Bucky had always liked cooking breakfast. He found it relaxing.

Steve scooted by Bucky to grab the plates, trailing a hand over his lower back. “Looks good, babe.”

Tony had the fridge open, digging around. He called over his shoulder. “We don’t have orange juice, but I have a pomegranate blend? Its origins are a little sketchy, but it’s not expired, and we have coffee, too.”

Bucky chuckled. “I’m sure it’s fine. You wouldn’t believe the things me and Stevie have eaten from our fridge. Steve’s policy is if it’s still the right color, it can’t be too bad.”

“Hey, that works for most stuff,” Steve said, setting the table, “and it’s not like I don’t smell it first, too.”

Tony set the juice on the table beside the coffees he’d already made earlier, then bumped his hip into Steve. “Never pegged you for being a Garbage Pail kid.”

Steve huffed playfully. “Whatever. Laugh it up. We were poor growing up and couldn’t afford to waste food, but I’ll admit, I might push it sometimes.”

Bucky carried the platter of pancakes over to the table, snagging the butter from the counter on the way. He put it all on the table. “Just teasing, Stevie. I know what it’s like, too. If you remember, we were both dirt poor growing up.”

Tony shifted, then took a seat. He seemed to be thinking about something. He took a sip of his coffee, then said, “I feel like the odd man out. You probably would have hated me, then. I was a rich brat, never wanting for a thing. I took a lot for granted.”

He and Steve each pulled out chairs, taking a seat on either side of Tony. Bucky stabbed a few pancakes, dropping them on Tony’s plate.

“Eat. You’re too skinny,” Bucky said, then helped himself to some as Steve did, too, “and I don’t know what I would’ve thought of younger Tony.” He waited for Tony to pour syrup over his pancakes, then took the bottle from him. “If he’s anything like the older version, I would have probably liked him, too. There’s nothing to be ashamed of growing up spoiled. It wasn’t like you had a choice. We sure didn’t have one about being born poor.”

Bucky could only imagine what Tony must have been like. He wondered if he was less jagged, maybe had fewer sharp edges from being broken, though he had said his father hadn’t been a good man. It saddened him a little to think that Tony might not have ever had a carefree childhood.

“You’re probably right,” Tony said, then stuffed a bite into his mouth. He moaned around it, then swallowed. “We did good. These are amazing.”

Steve snorted. “There from a box, all we did was add eggs and water.”

“Don’t minimize.” Tony pointed his fork at him. “We did amazing.”

“No arguments there,” Bucky said, already partway through his stack, “and I think the batter in your hair is cute.” He smiled, licking the syrup from this fork, making sure to do it slowly enough that Tony saw. Steve caught the action and rolled his eyes with a shake of his head while Tony’s tongue peeked out to wet his lips.

“Maybe you could help me clean it off in the shower,” Tony said.

Then Bucky felt a foot rub up against his leg, and he chuckled. “I think we need to take things a little slower than that, though being naked with you sounds like heaven.”

“Bucky’s right,” Steve said. “After what happened last time, I want to be careful. Don’t want a repeat performance.”

A pout painted itself on Tony’s face, and he aggressively stabbed a pancake. “I think I know what I am and am not ready to do.”

“Hey, we’re not trying to tell you that. I just know that I need to go slow, too. I know I come across like I got a handle on things, but I would feel better taking our time.” Then he bit his lip. “I’m still a little nervous. Getting naked together would be great, but it would mean seeing my scars, and I—I don’t think I’m ready for that, so it’s not just you that we’re waiting on.”

Tony’s expression shifted, softening a little, the pout fading away. He reached over and took Bucky’s hand. “Hey, no rush. You’re right. We have plenty of time, but we should figure out something soon, because I don’t have someone to relieve the tension like you do, if you know what I mean. I’ve just got a massive case of blue balls.”

Realization dawned on Bucky. Tony thought he and Steve were taking care of each other while they dated Tony, which they weren’t. It wasn’t something they had explicitly discussed, but they hadn’t done anything with each other since they were last with Tony. Bucky thought Steve probably felt like he did, that it wasn’t fair to Tony. If Tony had to wait, then they should wait, too.

“We haven't done anything since we were all together last,” Bucky said.

Then Steve chimed in, “I think we were both waiting until we could be together again. It only seemed fair.”

“Oh,” Tony said, frowning a little. “I just thought—I mean, you two have no reason to wait. I wouldn’t mind, anyway. It’s fine if you want to take care of each other.”

Bucky turned his hand, taking Tony’s in his own. “I like it this way. When we finally do get together again, it will mean something. It will be special.”

Tony’s mouth twitched into a smile, and he nodded his head. “That means a lot, that you’d wait, even though you don’t have to.”

They returned to eating. Bucky and Steve had nearly finished already, but Tony was still picking away at his. After a few minutes, Tony pushed his plate away and leaned back in his chair, holding a hand to his stomach. “I’m stuffed.”

Bucky glanced at his plate, seeing a lot left. He hadn’t really eaten much, but it wasn’t worth bringing up. If he was full, then that’s all that mattered. Bucky figured he wasn’t used to eating breakfast. He never seemed like the type to prioritize meals.

“You care if I eat what’s left?” Steve gestured to Tony’s plate.

Tony’s brows pinched together. Then he nudged the plate toward Steve. “Be my guest. It’s not like we need to be worried about cooties.”

Bucky chuckled as Steve slid the plate over and then proceeded to devour what was left. He always had a big appetite.

Tony rested his arms on the table, turning to Bucky. “Have you had a chance to get your records together? I’ve been itching to see your scans. Each prosthetic is unique, in a way. I’m curious what method they used when attaching yours. There are a few options and depending, it might mean there’s something I can do.”

Bucky dragged a finger through the puddle of syrup on his plate, licking it off after. “Uh, yeah. I have them. I can get them to you whenever. I’m pretty sure I got copies of everything, even the scans. I think the CDs of those are in my desk drawer.”

“Awesome. The sooner I can get them, the better.”

Eventually, they finished breakfast, even Steve, who ate more than his fill. Then Steve and Bucky cleaned up while Tony took a shower and got dressed. It felt good to wake up with his boyfriends, sharing lazy touches and talking. He didn’t want it to end, but he knew the day had to start. Hopefully, though, this was the first of many mornings they’d spend together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we had a lot of little things come up and get addressed. I think it was some important stuff they needed to talk about. I'm very interested in what you guys think if you're feeling up to it. Thank you again, snarks


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony talks to Natasha, Tony turns himself into a burrito, and something big is decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you to PinkRambo for the support! She's amazing. And also a big thanks to Jadeys_World for helping me along. 
> 
> **Warning for this chapter:** Tony's conversation with Natasha discusses some of the abuse Tony endured. It could be a trigger, so just a head's up. Nothing too explicit is discussed, but I want to warn anyway.

Tony fidgeted with his cup of coffee, then took a sip, as Natasha sat across from him in the wingback he’d recently had reupholstered. It was just after four on Monday. This was his first session with her, and she was waiting on his answer. She’d asked him about his homework, what positives he had found.

The problem was, he didn’t have an answer. He wondered if he ever would.

“I, uh, don’t know.” Tony averted his eyes, looking at the lacey curtains over the windows. He could see blue skies through the pattern. He looked back at her, shrugging. “I’m not sure there is anything I really like.”

She sipped her coffee, then balanced it on her knee, delicate fingers wrapped around it. “Okay, that’s something we can work on. It wasn’t easy homework, anyway, but I just wanted to get you thinking about it.”

“Well, you succeeded,” Tony said. “I've spent the last four days going over it in my head, and you really don't wanna hear the only answers I did come up with. They definitely weren't PG.”

“Actually, I am curious to hear them. Let's talk. What was one of the things that you came up with? Let's try and get to the bottom of this.”

Tony felt a blush creep up his neck. When he had said that they weren't PG, he really meant it. The positives he’d thought of were probably echoes of his father's teachings, of his values and beliefs, things that had been instilled in Tony.

“It's really not appropriate. I was half-joking when I thought of some of these.”

Natasha smirked. “Come on, try me. What’s your best one? I’m really curious what you thought of.”

Tony swallowed, licking his lips, then said, “Getting fucked a lot.”

Natasha chuckled, nodding her head. “Okay, let’s break that down.”

“Do we have to?” This whole thing seemed stupid and embarrassing. He just wanted it over. Talking about things he normally kept close to his chest made him feel off balance.

“Yes,” Natasha said with a smile. “It’s not that bad. We all have sex. We all like orgasms. There’s nothing to feel awkward about.”

That did exactly nothing to settle his nerves, but he nodded anyway. “Believe it or not, I used to be a playboy. Feels like that’s a million miles away now.”

Her gaze bored into him. Then she said with a smirk, “So, getting fucked, that’s something you like?”

Tony took a breath. “What sub doesn’t? It’s our role, right? It’s what we're here for, taking care of doms.”

“That’s interesting you say that because I don’t agree. I’ll be honest with you because we are doing this as friends. I think that’s a load of shit. Subs don’t exist as a means to pleasure a dom. I think in some ways, it’s the opposite.”

Tony’s face twisted at her words, and he shook his head. “Nope, gotta agree to disagree with you there. I think I would know as the only sub in the room. I’ve been with a lot of doms, and when you scene with them, it’s about them first. You just need to try to find something you like in what they do.”

“That’s an incredibly unhealthy way to look at it, and it tells me a lot.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s the truth. My ex was that way. I had to just find something I liked about what he did.” Tony took a sip of his coffee to wet his mouth, then added, “He had a belt he loved to use. Pain, it’s not usually my thing, but I learned to enjoy it over time—at least enough to go down. It got so when he brought the belt out, I would already be slipping.”

“Did you ever voice your dislike for it? Or did you just go along? Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not absolving him of guilt. As your partner, and I use that term lightly, he should have been reading the room. It’s partly his responsibility to know if you’re not enjoying something.”

He sucked in a breath. “At first, in the beginning, I told him, but he just smiled and told me I’d like it. He made me feel guilty for questioning him like he knew best.”

“That’s a pretty common tactic.”

“Yeah, I guess. We had good times, too, and I think that’s why it was so hard to end it, to get away. Sometimes he could be so nice, and then others … others he was so manipulative. He and Obadiah both.”

“Who’s Obadiah?”

Tony laid his head back against the couch and spoke to the ceiling. “My godfather. It had all been a ploy to get information from me, pry out anything useful he could learn from me. He didn’t like how I was running the company and wanted me under his thumb. He set me up with Ty.”

“That’s an incredible betrayal. That alone must have been hard to deal with.”

He thought back on everything and cringed. “It’s why I can’t go down right anymore, I think. Ty, he would bring me down, then invite Obadiah in. Together they would manipulate me into doing things, like giving up my passwords to old weapon blueprints.”

“Weapons?”

“It’s what we made a lot of money with. You probably saw the scandal in the news. Stark Industries tied to black-market weapons. That was me. I gave Obadiah the specs on so much because he asked, things I would have never given him otherwise, and he sold them to the highest bidder.”

“I take it you kept the truth out of the news?”

He shrugged. “Most of the records were sealed, but a lot is still out there if you know where to look. Though, Pepper, my assistant, made sure it was hard to find. She’s one of my best friends. She helped form the case against Ty and Obadiah.”

“I need you to hear me about something. What you’ve gone through? What they did? It wasn’t your fault. It sounds to me like you did what you had to in order to survive.”

“Maybe, but it wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t a sub. It made me so weak. I’d have done anything for the crumbs of praise they would give.”

“You weren’t weak. What they did was an insult to our nature. When I said earlier that you had it backwards, I meant it. Subs should be the ones in control, even when they are in subspace. It’s the doms job to take care of them, not hurt them, especially not take advantage.” Natasha paused, tapping his nail on the cup. “Steve said he was in jail?”

“Yeah, he’s not getting out anytime soon.”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a card, holding it out to Tony. “Dr. Ho Yinsen, a sub and friend. He’s a good doctor. I think you’d get along well.”

Tony adjusted, setting his cup down on the table and taking the card. The card advertised the clinic’s address. It was local. He leaned back into his spot, and Natasha returned to sipping her coffee. 

“Thanks,” he said as he tucked the card into his pocket for safekeeping. He’d call this week and set up an appointment. He didn’t want to slip into subspace like he had before and seeing this doctor might help avoid that from happening. 

He chewed the inside of his cheek, mind wandering to Steve and Bucky. “Did Steve mention what happened between us? The three of us?”

She frowned a little. “He mentioned something, but it was vague, said you’d left for New York after something took a bad turn. How are things between you three? I’ve known them for years, but that wouldn’t stop me from castrating them if they mistreated you.”

“No, no, they’ve been really great. It’s just … they don’t trust me, and it’s really starting to bother me.”

She pursed her lips. “What do you mean they don’t trust you? Can you elaborate a little?”

He sighed, glancing back at the window. “Before, when things went wrong, we’d been fooling around, and I got all screwed up. I don’t know why or how, but I ended up dropping. I freaked out. Now, they insist on taking things slow, despite me telling them I’m ready. My balls can’t get bluer.”

“That must be frustrating.”

Tony threw his head back and groaned. “You have no idea. I know I freaked out before, but I’m ready now. I’ve had time to think about it, and if something like that starts happening again, I’ll let them know instead of hopping on a plane. I know I can be fine, but they just won’t budge. I mean, I get it. They care, but they need to care about my dick, too.”

She chuckled. “All right, well, as much as I love Steve, he can be a bit much, and when he thinks he’s doing the right thing, he’ll really dig his heels in, and Bucky … he’s probably terrified of hurting you. They both are. Do you want my real opinion or my professional advice?”

Tony scrunched his nose. “Maybe a little of both?”

“Okay.” She smiled, setting her cup down. “Professionally, I think you should sit them both down and talk about it, and less professionally, I think you should climb Steve and Bucky like a jungle gym until you get their attention.”

Tony snorted. “I like the way you think, but I think they’d just stick me in a cold shower if I tried that. They are both so stuck on it. Honestly, it’s really starting to piss me off. They're treating me like I can’t decide anything for myself—like they get the final say. I’m not saying I want to jump straight to fucking, but I mean, come on.” He tossed up a hand. “It’s like yesterday. We were watching a movie, and I slid my hand up Bucky’s thigh. Then he caught my hand and moved it away from his dick. They're making me out to be some kind of delinquent for wanting some cock.”

It was Natasha’s turn to snort. “I think they probably want it as much as you. They’re just being idiots about it. I know Steve and Bucky pretty well. I’ve seen how they look at you. The only reason they’re not humping your leg is that they want to do right by you. Steve and Bucky are not normally the virtuous types.”

“So, what do I do?” Tony asked as he blinked at the ceiling. Then he picked up his head and shot a desperate look at Natasha. “I know we’d be good together.”

She pursed her lips in thought. “Honestly, I think you’re capable of deciding when you’re ready. Waiting can be good, but I think it’s safe for you to try again. Just make sure to go slow and pay attention to how you’re feeling. The moment something feels off, you should tell them. And if they don’t listen, tell them to call me. I’ll talk some sense into them.”

“I feel a little guilty talking to you about this. I’m not sure why, but I feel kinda like I shouldn’t be pushing this. They are the doms—well, dom and switch. If they want to wait, who am I to say anything?”

She tipped her head and said, “That’s exactly why you should. Because you deserve to be heard, and clearly, this is something that’s bothering you.”

Tony frowned, picking at his nails. “Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. I’m not sure Bucky is ready. He was worried about me seeing his scars. I notice he always keeps his shirt on.”

“Then that’s something you guys can talk about. You each have needs, though. When you were last intimate together, did Bucky get off?”

Tony raised a brow at her language. “Uh, yeah. He enjoyed himself.”

“And did you see his scars?”

“No, he kept a shirt on.”

She gave him a knowing look. “Then I think this is something you can work around. Your needs are just as important as theirs. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be sexual. It’s a huge part of our nature. I think they are just trying to protect you in their own way. It’s something to work on, but something that can be overcome.”

“I guess you’re right.”

She smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “I’m known to be at times. Talk to them, though. Your dick will thank you.”

Tony laughed. Yeah, he liked her a lot. 

They talked a little longer, then finished up the session. Once Tony was alone in the house, he felt himself start to crash. He’d been building up talking to Natasha so much that once he’d finally done it, he felt lost.

He knew Steve and Bucky would likely call or come over after work, so that left him a few hours to wallow with his emotions.

He grabbed the throw from the chair, pulling it around himself. He toed off his shoes, kicked them under the coffee table, and curled up on the couch. He’d expected to feel a lot of things but not this, not this feeling of emptiness like he’d been completely drained. It had taken a lot more out of him than he imagined it would, talking about Ty and Obadiah.

He tried to close his eyes, but he wasn’t tired. Besides, he imagined if he tried to sleep now, he’d be stuck facing nightmares he didn’t want to deal with.

So, instead, he stared at the mantle, mind just kind of drifting.

Eventually, he needed to get up, though. His bladder demanded his attention, so he went to take care of business. He didn’t take the blanket off his shoulders, though. He kept it pulled around him. It felt like a barrier between him and the rest of the world. He needed the comfort.

Checking the clock, he realized it was almost time for Steve and Bucky to be out of work, and he hadn’t texted them to find out their plans. He wondered if he should have made dinner, not that he had the mental energy for it. Getting a glass of water was almost asking too much.

He wouldn’t be good company tonight. He thought that maybe he should call them and tell them he would be going to bed early, not wanting to bring down their mood.

Tony thought over his conversation with Natasha, though, and he wondered if avoiding them was the right thing, especially when, deep down, he really wanted to be held. He felt shaky and low after his session with her. He could use some of the warmth. Their arms would be so much better than a blanket.

Asshole meowed from the counter, and Tony went to the cupboard, getting a few treats and feeding him. He was rewarded with purring and no claws. He smiled at the cat, happy to be in his good graces for once.

“I guess I should probably eat, too, huh?” Tony asked the cat. Of course, it didn’t answer.

Taking out his phone, he shot off a text to the group chat, asking them what they wanted to do for dinner. He got an answer a few minutes later as he sat at the table. Apparently, Bucky left early to make something. He was packing it up to take to Tony’s, and Steve would meet him there.

Tony wondered what he made but didn’t ask. Instead, he just told them to let themselves in when they got there and went back to the couch to burrito himself in the throw.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but eventually, he heard a car pull in and the door open, followed by Bucky’s voice calling into the house, “Hey, Tony. It’s just me.”

Tony grumbled a response, but it was probably too quiet to be heard. He had the blanket curled around his head and shoulders, so only a bit of his face peeked out. When he heard Bucky call out again, Tony cleared his throat and said, “In here.”

Bucky must have heard him because footsteps grew closer, then Bucky's face was in front of him, blocking out his view of the mantle.

Tony blinked a few times. “Hey,” he croaked.

Bucky frowned, then moved away a bit as he took a seat on the coffee table. He reached out to move the fabric away from Tony’s face. “Hey, yourself. What’s going on?”

“Bad brain day.”

A crease appeared between Bucky’s brows. “Bad brain day, huh? I take it you talked to Natasha, then.”

Tony hummed, tugging the blanket tighter around himself. “Yeah, we talked about some stuff, and I don’t know. It was a lot, and now I’m feeling—I don’t know what I’m feeling really.”

“Kinda empty and sad? Like you’ve run a mental marathon, and now you’re spent?”

“Yeah, that,” Tony said.

Bucky let out a breath. “I know what it’s like. I used to feel the same after therapy. I wish I could say it gets better, but sometimes, you’re just going to feel like shit after. If it helps at all, me and Stevie can stay tonight, give you all the cuddles you need. I can text him and have him grab us some clothes.”

Tony looked up at him. “You really wouldn’t mind? I’m gonna be shitty company, probably embarrass myself by crying at commercials if we watch TV.”

Bucky chuckled. “That’s fine with me. I’ll make sure to have tissues handy, or better yet, you can cry on my shoulder—or Steve’s. We got big ones.”

Tony nodded, then yawned against his will. He really did feel drained. “Thanks.”

“No problem, I’m gonna text Steve and get you a plate of food. Hopefully, you like alfredo. It should still be plenty hot. I just packed it up.”

“Aren’t you full of surprises? Cooking fancy dinners and all that shit.”

Bucky laughed. “Not that fancy. It came from a jar. All I did was boil some water and heat it all up.”

“What is with you guys and not taking credit. First, Steve with the pancakes not being homemade because we used a box, and now you, not taking credit for dinner.”

Bucky bent down and kissed him on the head. “I’ll be in the kitchen. Try to sit up while I’m gone.”

Tony groaned but did as Bucky asked, not taking off the blanket. It really did make him feel better. It was like a buffer between him and the rest of the world, softening reality just a little. He pulled his legs up and crossed them under him. For some reason, staying curled up helped the deep ache in his chest.

Despite feeling like shit, he knew he should eat, so it was a blessing Bucky had brought dinner. He hadn’t really eaten all day. He’d been too anxious about talking to Natasha to stomach food.

Bucky walked in a minute later with a plate of pasta and a fork. “Try to eat. I know you probably feel like crap, but it will help.”

Tony took it from him, letting his blanket fall away. “Yeah, thanks.”

After he’d forced down the first bite, his body seemed to awaken and realize how hungry he was, and he practically inhaled the pasta. If Bucky hadn’t told him, he’d have thought it was homemade, which meant it was either very good sauce or Tony had low standards. Either way, he was happy with the meal. It filled him up.

As he ate, Bucky went to get himself some, then came to sit beside Tony.

He wasn’t able to eat everything Bucky had put on his plate, but he still managed to almost clear it. When he looked over, Bucky was finishing up his.

“What time will Steve be here?” Tony asked, balancing the plate on his knee.

Bucky scrunched his face, tipping his head to the side. “Not really sure. He might have run into something at the store. It happens sometimes but soon probably.”

Bucky took his plate and carried them to the kitchen, leaving Tony to snuggle back into the corner of the couch. He felt somewhat better having eaten, but there was still a certain fragility to his mood.

He must have drifted off while Bucky was away because he found himself blinking open his eyes what felt like seconds later, except it was dark out, so some time had to have passed. He heard the TV on in the background and Steve chuckling, saying something about work to Bucky.

He stretched, peeling the blanket off himself. It was then that he realized his feet were in someone’s lap. A hand gave his foot a gentle squeeze, and Tony lifted his head to see who it was.

Steve had Tony’s feet, and Bucky was in the chair, some reality show playing on the TV.

“Hey,” Tony murmured. “What time is it?”

Steve checked his watch. “A little after nine.”

That made Tony draw back in shock. He hadn’t meant to sleep that long, or at all, really. “Did you eat?”

“Yeah, and Bucky put the leftovers in the fridge. You feeling hungry again? I can heat something up.”

Tony was still a little groggy from sleep, so it took a moment to respond. “No, I’m fine. Thirsty maybe. Sorry for falling asleep on you. Guess I was more tired than I thought.”

Then he pulled his feet off Steve, pulling the blanket out from behind himself and tossing it to the floor. He sat up fully, scrubbing his hands over his face, trying to wake up. Though the nap hadn’t been planned, he really did feel better.

“Here,” Bucky said, holding out a glass of water. Tony hadn’t even seen him get up.

He took the glass and drained it, setting it on the table after. “Jesus, I’m not used to naps.”

Bucky sat in the chair. “You probably needed the sleep.”

Tony hummed his agreement. “Probably, except now it’s after nine, and I’m just waking up. I’ll never sleep tonight.”

Steve pulled his leg up onto the couch, turning to face Tony. “We can get in some cuddles.”

Tony thought back to his conversation with Natasha. “You know I’m ready for more than that, Natasha agrees.”

Steve seemed surprised by Tony’s statement. “Oh, you talked to her about us?”

Tony shrugged. “Is that a problem?”

Bucky put up a hand. “Hey, it’s not a problem. We’re glad you have someone to talk to. Isn’t that right, Steve?”

“Is something wrong?” Steve asked.

Tony sighed. “I don’t know. It’s just, I know you guys want to make sure I’m ready, but I’ve all but thrown myself at you this week, and you guys brush me off. It’s giving me a complex. I know you want to wait, but I’m ready. I’m not running away this time.” Tony paused. “It’s almost like you aren’t trusting me to know myself.”

Steve pursed his lips, brows knit together. Bucky looked similar. They seemed to be chewing over his words. They exchanged some pointed looks, then Bucky said, “I didn’t—we didn’t—mean to make you feel that way. I think we were only trying to make sure you were ready.”

“Yeah,” Steve added. “I know I didn’t want to make you feel like we didn’t trust you. I guess I just got wrapped up in making sure we didn’t push you. I didn’t realize how it was coming across.”

Tony picked at his nails, trying to keep a casual front. “It wasn’t bad waiting. I probably needed to wait a little. I mean, I still don’t know what would happen if I went down, but I’d like to try again. I’m not ready for a scene, but I am ready to get my dick off. It’s killing me all this cuddle time with no happy ending.”

Bucky chuckled. “Okay, we can lift the sex embargo, but, uh, I still need to wear a shirt. I know some people think scars are sexy, but they bother me. I need a little time.”

“No rush,” Tony said. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Then Steve cleared his throat, drawing Tony’s gaze. “You can’t hide from us if we do this. I won’t hurt you again.”

“I’ll make sure to use my words,” Tony said, feeling excited now that it seemed like sex might really happen. “No more running away.”

Steve raised his brows, holding Tony’s gaze. “And you’ll use your safewords if you need them?” 

Tony had to suppress a groan. They were still so cautious, but he knew it was because they cared. He had made a mess of things last time. “You’re doing it again.”

Steve had the decency to at least look sheepish. “Sorry.” Then he leaned back, a little grin taking over his face. “So, I was thinking.”

“That must have hurt,” Bucky said from his chair, making Steve scowl and Tony laugh. 

“Shut up. I’m working here,” Steve shot at him. Then he looked back at Tony, a playful glint in his eye. “If sex’s back on the table.” He shrugged, then spread his legs a little, sliding a hand to his cock. “I think I might know something we could do to tire you out for bed.” 

Tony laughed. “About fucking time. Come here, you fucking dork.”

Steve smiled, sitting forward to grab Tony’s hand and pull him closer, pressing his lips to his. The kiss ended much too soon. 

“We never wanted you to think we didn’t trust you.” Steve cupped his cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth. “I’m serious. You’re important to me—to us. Forgive me?”

Tony nipped at his lips. “Always, now kiss me again.”

He heard Bucky get up. Then he was there beside them, touching Tony’s face. It felt electric. “Maybe we should take this upstairs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally there. The next chapter will be all about the sexy times. I'm predicting lots of emotion, too. Just a warning, though. It might take me a little longer than usual to get it out. I just feel like it might take more time to get right. I also need to be in a certain mood for writing sex scenes, and I can't predict how and when it'll happen. Hopefully, I won't keep you waiting too long. You guys are all the best, though, and I'm so happy to have you reading. <3<3<3

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://snarky-drabbles.tumblr.com/). I'm @snarky-drabbles


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